Luvthatsun,

First off, welcome! I hope you find this place safe and supportive.

6 months is not that long considering you were with this man for 10 years! Unfortunately the best way to get over someone (in my opinion), allow yourself to feel the grief, the anger, the disappointment, the relief…everything! Think of it like cleaning out your house – sure, you can move a bunch of stuff up into the attic and forget it’s there, but eventually you find all that junk, and it will just be more work to deal with than if you had unpacked everything and thrown it out months ago. Right now you are doing the right thing in going to counselling, sorting through the aftermath of emotions and putting each one in the “Keep” or “Toss” bin. Don’t derail your grieving process by suppressing your feelings.

However, if you do need some practical tips when you just need a mental break (which is OK), here’s what’s worked for me when I couldn’t get an ex out of my head:

– Exercise: even if it’s just walking
– Mindless video games like Bejeweled or Angry Birds: you’ll be so hyper focused on trying to get to the next level your mind will clear
– Hobbies that require attention to details/repetition: Knitting was my favorite – again, I pushed distractions out of my head so I didn’t risk dropping stitches
– Redecorate!: I’m not saying you have to do a house clearing/feng shui treatment, but changing your space is very powerful. Get rid of (or hide) anything that triggers negative emotions.

And this goes without saying, but breakups can cause people to relapse back into unhealthy habits. If you haven’t already, make sure you have an AA sponsor at the ready in case you feel tempted.

Best of luck to you! You’ve made it through some tough days already, which makes me believe you’ll make it through this too!