Dear Butterfly:

I re-read your posts in your various threads and I have a better understanding now about what I think is going on and has been going on. You are not going to like my new understanding which is different from your presentation of the situation as well as any interpretation of it so far introduced to your threads. I will start with a summary of my understanding and proceed with your quotes and my comments:

Someone in your life, Butterfly hurt you, again and again, never taking responsibility for it to this very day. You want to express to that person how much that person hurt you- you want that person to know and be sorry and then change and be good and loving to you. You feel angry at that person but you also feel a great need for love from that person. You want that person to finally realize how deeply and badly that person hurt you, how deeply you were hurt, and once and for all BE LOVING to you!

Only this person I am referring to is not your ex boyfriend. You are only inaccurately projecting the real person (most likely a parent) into your ex boyfriend.

From my re-reading (and I didn’t read everything, but a whole lot) of your shares, you presented no evidence that your ex boyfriend was abusive to you. You did some reading about personality disorders and mentioned the terms push and pull, and you mentioned him turning “hot and cold” – but it can very well be that, like any other person, he was not equally as affectionate to you at all times. Everyone is sometimes closer, sometimes farther.

You blame him a whole lot and you don’t take responsibility for having done anything wrong to him in the relationship and at the same time, you claim that he is not taking responsibility and is blaming you.

He is sick with sickle cell anemia, yet you didn’t mention it until very recently. How can it be that a woman who loved a man so much, who still loves a man, does not introduce this fact into the story early on?

The reason is that this relationship had very little to do with who he is and everything to do with the person you projected into him, a parent, most likely, someone very significant in your early life.

And now to your quotes and my comments:

“I am almost scared that I will never… be able to express to him how much he has hurt me…”
This is your greatest passion: to let (the real person in your early life) know how much he or she hurt you, so that he or she will stop hurting you and start loving you.

“Some days the pain is crippling…”

Your shares were indeed all about your pain and nothing in your shares were about his pain, including the fact that he suffers from sickle cell anemia.

“I never did anything to hurt him…and I can’t wrap my brain around why he continually hurt me seemingly without any real remorse…I KNOW it was him and not me …I just HATE the fact that I still care deeply for someone who hurt me so bad”

No doubt you hurt him, your ex boyfriend. As a child you didn’t hurt your parent. You can’t wrap your brain around why your parent (again, most likely, a care taker) would hurt the innocent child that indeed you were.

“… So this morning he sent me three texts being mean….something he hasn’t really done before. He actually said ‘don’t bother to reply, I don’t care that much.’… now you want to ATTACK me for it?… Should I just keep him blocked and ignore his tirades? Or respond by saying there is no needs to be mean and vicious”

His text as you quoted it was not mean, vicious, a tirade or an attack. It was the text of someone hurt and angry that you are not responding to him. When he wrote: “I don’t care that much”- is not a tirade, viciousness and an attack. The fact that you interpreted this text to mean all that, leads me to think that your interpretation of his behaviors as those of a sociopath personality disorder person, are also grossly inaccurate.

“I wasted so much time with someone who is so delusional, immature and now mean…But i NEVER did anything to stress him. HE caused all the negative situations in our relationship.”

No he did not.

anita