Dear Anita,
thank you for your answer. I always appreciate reading your opinion (and to some threads I only return because I want to know what you answered).

I am a bit embaressed, but more worried. This fight-or-flight reaction was just so strong. I felt there was just no solution: My friend had one person to the left and the new girl to the right. I didn’t want to be the one who takes away the new girls seat (she offered) and on the other hand I didn’t want to sit next to her while she sat next to my friend either. Only later did I realize that I could have asked both to move one seat to the right – then I could have sat on the left of my friend. But that’s hindsight.

I am worried because I feel I slightly lost control, though I can’t explain it well. I feel this might happen again. And no one wants a jealous friend. Jealousy makes me act strangely. Which might just become a self fulfilling prophecy : acting jealous/strange/offensive → alienating my friend → being insecure and acting more jealous/strange/offensive → people talking about me →… end: I leave the choir.

I think you guessed right about the valid message. I like the choir because people are glad to see me when I come. Because sometimes during break I can’t talk to all the people I wanted to talk to – there is too much to talk about (and usually I am not very talkative). I only recently became second vice leader of the choir (which in this case doesn’t have many actual responsibilities attached). I didn’t really ask for it, it was more a matter of „we need someone and no one wants to do it. So let’s vote for one of the young people.“ I was the last young person left who hadn’t been bullied into any position. 😉 But what I like about it is that people ask me for my opinion and to help out with one thing or another. Had she been in the choir when we voted – they might have very well have suggested her instead. Because I guess I do believe like you said, that her attitude and behavior is superior to mine. People like positive outgoing people.