Thank you very much for the reply Anita, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to answer everyone. I understand there is no excuse for my behavior and this has been a reality check for me. It has been almost two months since I gave in to anger and have managed to get a little better everyday, and has been my only goal, to be better than I was yesterday. The abuse has stopped, but I understand the memory remains.

I haven’t said anything hurtful and I am more aware of the words I say and feel I have realized how much damage I caused her. However, I still don’t understand whether I should keep replying to her texts or calls, I feel it is the least I can do for her after all the damage I’ve done, but at the same time I’m hurting myself because I don’t think I’ll be able to start my own healing process. I don’t want her to feel bad if I stop talking to her, but at the same time I hurt myself by doing so.