Thanks for taking the time to read and reply! Much appreciated

Inky: Thanks for taking the time to write again, I’m glad the post went through this time. It definitely was a complicated situation, but I know this does not an excuse for the damage I caused her. Thanks for your input, I will treat her with respect and nicely, since it will most likely be the very last time we see each other and talk.

Anita: First of all, thanks again. Although trying to get in the mindset of giving up on her is one of the hardest things I’ve been through and still am going through, I understand much of the damage I caused her will not be forgotten. I messed up. I will apologize once in a written way as you suggested, I will probably wait a couple of days after she leaves.

Do you have any advice on how to move on in a situation like this? Sometimes at night before bed, I am filled with a tremendous fighting spirit telling me not to give up, and I can’t help but think that other couples have been able to recover after worse things and I think that so can we. Whenever I see other couples, I find it inevitable to think how much I could’ve done things better. Whenever I have these feelings, I try to calm myself and remember all the bad things I said to her that hurt, that has been able to keep me at bay and stopping me from telling her. I understand I deserve everything that is happening to me right now and I don’t even deserve she still trying to talk to me. I have the most important test in my life in 3-weeks. If I fail my comprehensive examination, I am out of my PhD program, and I find myself not being able to concentrate and thinking about her all the time. This already has taken an immense toll on my academic life (not saying that I don’t deserve it). Is there something you recommend in such stressful times?

Thanks again.

I have been reading a lot before finally deciding to share my thoughts and feelings. I would really love to hear your input. I am afraid I am a narcissistic person. Much of my behavior seems to match that of a narcissistic person, but then again, plain descriptions don’t always meet the context of how things happened. I am afraid I am this kind of person.