Dear daeneth,

You gave someone your trust and he didn’t respect you and hurt your feelings, a lot. This is a very painful experience to go through and it might take you a while to forget and move on. I understand how hard this must be right now and that it feels as though nothing can make you feel better. I assure you that it will get better, but for that to happen you must cut all contact with him, remove him from you FB and so on. Or you might get tempted to get back in contact with him again, which you absolutely mustn’t do.

Unfortunately, we sometimes tend to feel even more attached to and obsessed with people who hurt us, or who are not really there for us. I believe it is because we are all carrying this longing to belong and feel loved, and maybe the “high” we get when we receive that for a little while from someone who acts in this flaky way, is more intense. What I mean is, that this great feeling of “he chose me, he does love ME” that you get every time he makes you feel like you are his girlfriend, is so intense because it comes in between times when you’re not so sure how he feels about you. This hot and cold, or yes and no movement creates an excitement and rush which gets you hooked on him, and makes you so dependent on HIS moods, HIS choices, HIS actions. You are left passive, waiting and hoping for him to love and commit to you, much like a child who depends on her parents and hopes that they will love and approve of her.
I believe that what makes you so in love and attached to him is precisely that uncertainty, that passive state on your end, which usually fuels desire and longing so much. But you can get so much more out of a real relationship with someone who loves you, and who will make you feel safe.

The only way to move on is to change this passive way you act and feel. Remove him from everywhere, delete his phone number and cut all contact. Tell yourself that you are a good, loving person with who deserves respect and act this way. Don’t waste time and energy on trying to understand his actions – there really isn’t much to understand. His actions are immature and he is simply not ready to have a committed relationship and probably will not be ready for a long while yet, he is still very very young so this could be due to his age, or to his character in which case he will always act in a similar way. Either way, there’s nothing for you there and you should move on with your life.