jlo5 – I know exactly how you feel with all the internal conflicts over leaving. One minute you feel very positive about the idea and the next minute very down about it with panic attacks. I have the same issues. 12 months ago I rented a house with a view to moving out and managed to do it for only a month before going back. Since the rental contract was for 12 months I have been trying to make my exit again ever since and failed due to my internal conflicts over leaving. I sususpect that if you leave the turmoil within you will continue as it did with me to the point where I went back and it still continues. Like you, I feel I am a caring person and that my wife’s happiness is connected with me continuing to be with her while desperately wanting to leave the toxic relationship. The conflict within me becomes so overwhelming that I am also plagued by panic attacks which occur on a daily basis and just like you I am overwhelmed by it all to the point that I can hardly function at times. I have no idea what the answer is but writing about it and sharing is a big help. I hope it all works out for you.