I don’t think it’s unrealistic to want someone to want you, I’ve had the same issues but it is a dependency thing . It’s like you need another person to validate who you are, their actions are making you feel unloved etc. I would spend some time getting to know yourself and doing things you enjoy. I have been the same with previous partners but I honestly don’t think there is anything wrong in expecting , kindness, someone getting up in the night to get you a drink, cuddles when your ill . Accepting people as they are doesn’t mean you have to accept them as a partner, if it doesn’t feel right then move on -but trust and communication is important talk to him first
Good luck