Forum Replies Created
December 16, 2018 at 8:00 am #269435
First reaction reading your reply was “ why she bringing up my last relationship? And it was anger
you are absolutely right !
I had a very angry mother who used to hit us a lot anger is something I do not like or want reading it back to me sounds childish and reactive . He has done things to justify me to be angry but I think aswell it’s an abandonment thing as my dad left when I was 4 and didn’t keep in touch
Grateful for bringing that to my attention
I will try to resolve this calmly
much love Anita ThankyouFebruary 16, 2017 at 4:44 am #127837
I think we still want people to know if our partners regret it because we still feel their opinions define our worth
Define if we,RE still lovable
I used to but I don’t nowFebruary 16, 2017 at 12:42 am #127829
Hi, I feel that often my husband left me nearly a year ago and I’ve just stated to look around possibly dating , I feel unlovable people say I’m attractive and a lovely person but I still feel unworthy. I followe Buddhist boot camp on face book and I absolutely loved this , I hope it resonates with you
It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, the following is always important to remember in life: After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean possession, and company doesn’t mean security. You begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts, and gifts aren’t promises. You begin to accept defeats with your head high and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. So you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure.. that you really are strong.. and that you really do have worth. And you learn.. and you learn… with every goodbye, you learn — Veronica ShoffstallDecember 7, 2016 at 10:21 am #122168
Peter I totally get what your saying , and when I re read my post I didn’t mean it to sound like I want revenge , I think I just want help in forgiveness , not accepting his behaviour but forgiving it .
I remember someone else saying that when things happen like divorce etc, it does catapult you on to a different and better plane , I have kept that in mind whilst I was feeling, rejected, ignored even laughed at sometimes .
Karma i understood was it takes some kind of suffering to understand others suffering not the enternal rebirth thing , i like Anita do not believe in it , but I think if you have your house burgled you understand it and wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else as an example , with my ex husband I just feel like he has no feeling and is totally focussed on himself and he will go on in life treating people badly but getting no consequences.
I want help,in not caring as you say and focus on myself and my happiness , to his unhappiness
Maybe it’s just a time issue but it currently eats me upOctober 23, 2016 at 8:41 am #118744
Hi Anita , I’m not sure where this is leading if I’m honest I moaned at him like most couples , he’d wipe his toothbrush on the face towel that sort of thing , I wasn’t perfect by any means and by the way I saw him a few weeks ago and apologised for any part I played in him Leaving .
He said he didn’t feel loved , and took my behaviour i.e. If I refused sex, as rejection
He went to counselling sessions and told me he’d never got to know himself .
My ex was obsessed my money and told me he wNted his finances back so he could Live his life before he gets too old
He subsequently sent me a spread sheet ( loved his spread sheets) on his last payments before the house is sold, even after I said I love him and let’s just have some space
I feel like he is deleting every memory of me , and is so cold
I just replied ok to the spreadsheet and his follow up was ” your not angry are you ? “I’ve not replied
As you see , with my original question , is this normal for me to feel totally devastated whilst he’s just excited to have adventures ?October 20, 2016 at 10:58 am #118560
I would become irritable with him , I used to explain how I was feeling and that this wasn’t me, it was a feeling that had taken over my life , I used to get irritable with my children too , but even my 17 yrs old was more supportive and has never judged me once .
I always apologisedOctober 20, 2016 at 10:46 am #118558
Course I’ll answer the questions
When I said besotted, he was extremely affectionate, he would contact me all the time telling me he loved me , he used to joke he was obsessed with me . Ring all the time etc , he was quite jealous also
2: I’m not sure why I put distructive but it became different , he became more distant which caused lots of arguments
3: I had a low stage last year and suffered really bad anxiety , relating to my daughter leaving home , he found my mood swings due to this hard to deal with . I did seek help but instead of helping me , he started to like me less
in an argument he preferred someone less emotional and ” simple”October 1, 2016 at 10:14 am #116882
I think the replies are bang on, yes he did know my financial situation when we married , it became an issue when he couldn’t buy bikes or go on skiing holidays , all these were trips he planned on his own btw
And yes I agree, he text me the other day saying I am enjoying it being on my own but I do really miss you ?
He wants cake and eat it
He’s had therapy regarding childhood issues so this is a big thing for him , he is prob suffering in some way too I would imagine
The anxiety is something I’ve had all my life , off and on but worse when stressed . I have discovered Claire weekes who has helped a lot , it’s just breaking out the adrenaline cycle which is so hard – this is a separate issue which is taking my priority
I really really love that advice Anita about doing one thing st a time , I’m on the floor today mentally , but I’ve just been food shopping . I will congratulate myself for doing these things instead of constant,y thinking I’m a mess and useless
I have sorted house, mortgage, new house , look after a cat, 2 rescue dogs ( one whose Ill) I have a job , teenage son at home and still manage to put makeup on most days lolOctober 1, 2016 at 9:07 am #116870
Yes we were married , we were together 5 yrs
Married 2 , I have blocked him now
So I can’t be tempted to look
I do need to write him off , he’s made no attempt to get back with me
He has always come first , he has lost many
Partners because of it
Just really feel lonely and unlovedSeptember 29, 2016 at 2:35 pm #116709
Hi, I’m just reading the blogs on here and was immediately struck by your situation .
I think answering your question might help me too
I would like to say that if this is working for you and you are both happy carry on but there is something controlling about this situation
He says YOU have come this far with the work , but what has he done ? He wants to live in the moment what about you ?
sex and love are two different things , love isn’t just about meals , errands it’s about nurturing your needs and your wants too
You really need to start loving yourself more, why its so hard giving up this relationship ? Write things down what if he wasn’t here any more , you’d have to Manage -imagine that mindset now
I understand where you are coming from, my husband left me and I’ve done exactly the same thing .
I’m lonely and I miss affection as it makes feel loved , but we are loved by family and friends , if my children or mum treated me like this , I wouldn’t put up,with it so why do we by ex partners ? I dont know
Good luck my friend , love shouldn’t be this much troubleSeptember 25, 2016 at 3:39 am #116175
Thank you , appreciate all your comments. I think also it’s a time issue , Buddhist practices or not I think everyone experiences emotions this break up is fairly recent so I’ll just keep accepting what’s coming up
Btw the sort of man he is , is that he’s changed all his privacy settings on FB so I can see his picture , he’s trying to provoke a reaction .
This was his decision and one I had to make the best of yet he still wants me to know how ” fantastic ” he’s doing
It’s so tiresome . I remember reading a quote from Timber Hawkeye saying its your choice how to react to a situation , well I choose indifference !
Love and light all xxxx
September 24, 2016 at 8:27 am #116134
- This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Cheryl.
Thanks, I am focusing on a new life, I’ve been to Berlin with my kids , drove to Places I wouldnt normally , I feel a lot happier .I do miss him sometimes when I think of the good times but our relationship became very destructive and I feel I needed his love to validate me as a person. Towards the end, he used that and kept with drawing himself , he dies it now still
As you and cherry blossom say I need to look after me – self preservation and cut all contact which I have done
Thanks all xxxSeptember 24, 2016 at 8:18 am #116131
That’s exactly it , only I don’t think he’s moved on as he keeps messaging me out the blue saying he still looks at me and feels sad .
The anger comes from the idea that he can treat people like a new Tv or iPad . He had counselling ( which I sorted for him) and he said it was in his head he could be happier if he left , maybe do better? He was always having to buy something , I’ve never wanted that , I’m just glad I’m alive
I know he is coming from a bad place too , but i want him to realise what he’s lost , I don’t want him to suffer as such .
Writing this I feel so calm and unattached , this is how I want to be but soon as I see a text, my heart pounds like mad and my anger flares up
I believe 100% in acceptance, it’s what helped my anxiety the letting go of control , so thank you for that
Just any tips of letting go of this need to punish him , the need to think he still loves me
XxxSeptember 24, 2016 at 2:54 am #116121
Hi, I think youve mis understood the situation , he left me ! I gave him opportunities to come back , he said he wants me he doesn’t he does and finally after weeks of causing me on the verge of a breakdown , he finally said I want to live on my own yet you say he’s being used ???. He offered to pay for the house as he understands he caused the situation , which I did thank him for and I am grateful
i understand he’s going through a crisis but for my own sanity I have to move on , he’s given me no green lights , I’ve had texts saying he still misses me etc but in the next breath he says he’s got lots of trips planned and has an exciting future
Maybe I’m reading the signs wrong but I can’t be hurt again
I take the point about the egoSeptember 24, 2016 at 2:13 am #116115
Oh Cherryblossom, if you only knew the depths of despair I’ve experienced during my lifetime and through this recent event , you’d be surprised
I could hardly function at one point because of my anxiety and depression
It’s just through experiences I grew harder and no he’s still supporting me till I move out ( January)
I’ve even had a text this morning from the states saying let’s not fall out , I’m still thinking of you !
It’s all mind games or he’s off loading his guilt . Perhaps I sound hard but I’ve had to be .
If you love someone you work through issues , he even said once he would like someone ” simple ”
implying I’m too deep !
You can see why I’m angry , I just don’t want to be -as Buddhist sayings say, it’s like pouring the poison and drinking it yourself ha ha