Thank you both for your helpful responses!

Midnight: You said I was perhaps re-living the break-up in a way. I think you’re correct. I do associate Butters with my ex-fiance and it feels similar to the time we were breaking up and I had to bring him up north to live with my mom. Thank you for stating that you think I sound like a strong person. Sometimes I lose sight of this. Your reply to my post had a lot of reassuring words in it.

Anita: That’s very true, I think she would be open to sending me pictures or updates of him. Then I can find solace in the fact that he’s living a good stable, life. I think in my heart I would feel good about this deep down.