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Coping with re-homing my dog due to unforeseen circumstances

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  • #116102
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Two and a half years ago I was engaged and got a 7-week-old Golden Retriever puppy with my fiance. I saw pictures of him the day he was born and was sent weekly pictures of him growing until I could bring him home. I named him Butters because his coat is light yellow (just like the color of butter lol).

    About a year after getting him, my fiance called off our wedding and decided he wanted to leave. I had to quickly find an affordable place to live. Two good friends told me I could live with them. This was financially within my budget and nice to have the support at the time. The only thing was that my dog wasn’t exactly welcome because they felt our apartment was too small for a dog and Butters would disturb their two cats.

    I brought Butters to live with my mom temporarily until I could get back up on my feet. She also lives almost 4 hours away from me. I hadn’t heard from her in awhile and learned that she had drug charges filed against her (bad charges, like her house was being used for drug trafficking). I didn’t know about this because I don’t see her often and we’re not particularly close. Well, it’s likely that she’ll be sentenced and face jail time.

    I talked to multiple friends and family about Butters and there was a family friend who was open to (and even excited) to possibly take him in. She also lives 4 hours away from me near my hometown. The only thing is that she’s interested in adopting and not fostering him because she said she gets emotionally attached to her animals.

    I feel incredibly sad at the thought of re-homing Butters. I cried about it all morning. But I’ve hit a massive road block and don’t know what to do.

    1) I’m stuck in a lease with two roommates who don’t want a dog in the apartment. My lease is for another 6 months.
    2) I do not feel comfortable with Butters living at my mom’s house any longer. I think he could be getting care in a better environment. She’s likely going to prison in the next several weeks too.
    3) My family friend has a good job and could afford to give Butters the best care. She also lives on a small farm with horses and another dog. She loves animals and Butters would have land to run free around (unlike my tiny city apartment anyways).
    4) As much as I don’t want to admit it, on my single income it would be challenging to afford unexpected vet bills right now. He deserves the best care.
    5) Our family friend is genuinely excited about the possibility of having him because she currently lives alone and her children are grown and have moved out.

    How do I deal with this transition? I feel a tremendous loss losing Butters, but feel this may be best for him. He deserves a safe, stable, loving, permanent home. I’m just incredibly sad right now.

    #116123
    Midnight
    Participant

    Dear dreaming715,

    I understand how hard this is for you. When we adopt an animal it becomes like part of ourselves. Some people don’t understand this but I always felt so attached to animals I had and sadder to lose them than I would have felt about some humans I know, just because they are always there with you and you are responsible for them, this creates a very strong attachment.

    In what you told I see you went through some difficult things recently, a break-up and a move and also your mom’s issues, even though you’re not close to her, this is probably affecting you in some way. I believe that giving up on Butters might hold more meaning to you than “just” losing your beloved dog (as painful as that is in itself). Because you adopted him with your ex in a time when you were happy together. From your story it seems that you are a very strong person who managed to get back on her feet quickly and fix the immediate problems arising from this new situation, you had to be tough and strong, and maybe Butter is kind of a soft spot for you which makes it that much harder to let go of him. Maybe it is hard to give him up because by doing that you are somehow re-living the breakup in a way?

    I believe you already know it will be best for him to go live with your friend, it sounds like she can offer him a great life. I think you should focus on what’s best for him (as I know you are), and remember you are not abandoning him in some animal shelter, you are doing the best thing you can do for him. And I’m sure you’ll be able to see him any time you want and get news of him whenever you miss him.

    You are such an awesome person for making this choice for your dog and I’m sure in time you’ll adopt another dog and make him happy too.

    #116145
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dreaming715:

    Reads to me that having Butter adopted by the family friend is the best choice for Butter.

    As far as coping with re-homing Butter, it can help if you ask his new owner if you can call her for updates about Butter; if she can send you photos once in a while and if you can visit Butter when you are around. This way your relationship with Butter will be ongoing, the separation not complete and final.

    anita

    #116223
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Thank you both for your helpful responses!

    Midnight: You said I was perhaps re-living the break-up in a way. I think you’re correct. I do associate Butters with my ex-fiance and it feels similar to the time we were breaking up and I had to bring him up north to live with my mom. Thank you for stating that you think I sound like a strong person. Sometimes I lose sight of this. Your reply to my post had a lot of reassuring words in it.

    Anita: That’s very true, I think she would be open to sending me pictures or updates of him. Then I can find solace in the fact that he’s living a good stable, life. I think in my heart I would feel good about this deep down.

    #116225
    Midnight
    Participant

    Dear dreaming715,

    I’m glad my response helped a bit. I think that what you are doing for your dog is great and maybe will even bring you a bit of closure in a way, about what happened with your breakup. I hope it will. It will be a kind and unselfish action at any rate, that’s for sure.
    I wish you and Butters all the best:)

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