Dear ketzer,
After reading your post I recognize there is a part of me that feels the same, needing that validation and approval to feel better about my choices. That my choices make me feel like I’m normal and I fit in so I won’t be judged. one particular relationship I have that connected with your sorry is the one i have with my Motherinlaw. I don’t have a close relationship with my mom so I felt my motherinlaw was a way to replace that void I felt. Except I grew up very different from her so she judged me harshly on my decisions and it cut like swords. She would tell she know who i am better than i know myself, and she said she Is really good at reading people. So me being young and now learning about myself and about the person I was becoming I felt threatened by her words. Everything she had to say to me was negative and i started feeling like I’m no good, that I didn’t have any good qualities. And the fact that I didn’t have a relationship with my mother the person that’s suppose to know me best made me feel even more like a failure. So I took it upon myself to challenge my thinking. I started practicing being more mindful. I started accepting myself for being different and stopped thinking I needed to be normal to fit it. I accepted the choices I made even if they were mistakes. And I started loving myself (this was the hardest part). My thinking started to improve and I started to feel better about who I am. The validation I felt I needed to be accepted decreased. I accept me and I love me and i refuse let anyone take that away. It’s hard work and I work at it everyday. Some people can be judgemental and it hurts the most when it comes from people we hold near and dear. But I learned once I know who I am, my good qualities and bad then those peoples judgements don’t matter.