“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” ― Barbara Kingsolver,

Depression is insidious, a vampire that sucks away ones creative energy, a zombie bite turning you into one of the living dead.

It’s interesting as a Zombie desire for brain is the desire to live off the thinking and memories of others.

I suspect my experience of depression is more Zombie like as it relates to the stories I tell myself and put on repeat, leaving me in a state where I feel I’m living life as one already dead.

Perhaps a part of me thinks that if I repeat a story enough times I might change the ending. And of course there is the habit of comparing my experiences with those around me and the expectations I about how life and life ‘should’ be. So much garbage.

Perhaps an existential problem, meaning purpose… Yet my depression seems deeper than that something more even feeling. When I fall into the pit of depression I don’t feel anything perhaps because I feel everything all at once so it is not my negative emotions that keep me stuck, but the stories I am telling myself… yet even that.. It’s the story of depression that I can no longer see ending.

I am depressed because I am depressed because I am depressed…

“A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end.”
― Elizabeth Wurtzel