sometimes i still have that insecurity within me that everyone around me is watching and criticizing me. my inner bully will say “look at all these people, they are all saying you are worthless. you are weak as a girl. why don’t you change?” that is why i like to be alone most of the time b/c the inner bully makes me feel so insecure. there are times when i mask my insecurity with defensiveness and i act quite brusquely to everyone i meet and it is really annoying. either i hide myself in front of people or i act like a cynical person. there are times when i am my self-confident self without any of this and somehow something will pop that self-confidence. someone will make a remark saying i am being too prideful or they’ll say if you are quite confident solve this puzzle and it will often be something i’m not the best at. i just want to be confident without someone trying to burst it each time i have it. over the summer, i had two weeks of confidence without the inner bully and it was shattered when my mom’s temper got the best of her and she yelled at me that i had my head in the clouds and i was a slow person. i feel like i am a bad person because i feel at the moment i can’t forgive her for some of the things she said. my inner bully takes after her and uses some of her patriarchal views to target me. i’m constantly battling the words that tell me that i’m not good enough for this career, i’m not strong enough for this and i just want to isolate myself from the world i live in now and find myself admist all this chatter.