Dear Daniel:

I spent some time reading the great majority of your posts on this thread. These are my thoughts currently:

You are or were motivated at times, these are the emotional highs, like when you were motivated to get that console. These are the “highs”.

Most often you are afraid to get scolded. You were scolded by your parents, and that is was when and where this fear was established. For a long time, there is a voice in your head scolding you. This voice is your internal representation of your parents. This voice continues the scolding.

So you live with little hope for reward (starting with the non-actualized console promise), and lots and lots of internal scolding. Living in such a mental state would not motivate ANYONE. It is no wonder you are not motivated.

Unlike what the person told you, that you are not willing to do the hard work- I believe that it is not that you are not a hard worker, or lazy- I believe that when difficulty arises, your internal voice, this inner-scolder, I will call it, raises its voice and is giving you a hard time, saying something like: “You can’t do it right! You are not capable! You are…

So, you escape, so you procrastinate, trying to not get into trouble. Only you are already in trouble, because what you are afraid another person will tell you (that you are not capable, etc.), you are already telling yourself.

What do you think so far? Will take it from there (from your response).

anita