Dear Daniel:

Reads to me like you have been quite depressed for some time (stopped exercising, neglecting personal grooming, thought suicide… unmotivated, procrastinating, bingeing on TV, resumed bad habits, some things you are too ashamed to tell your wife, social isolation…)-

best, if possible for you, is to attend competent psychotherapy.

I wonder about the origin of your serious depression. I still believe the story of the console is very significant, and I do believe our childhood experiences have a lot to do with our experiences as adults. You wrote your wife has a big heart, but you are not close with her, I understand.

I don’t know where to go from here, let me know if you have an idea…

anita

Dear Daniel,

“maybe my suffering will end when I jump down but nowadays i will shake out that mindset more easily than before, because I do not want my wife to be hurt”
Be noted that your suffering is NOT going to end by doing something like this (giving away your life). Your soul will take another body and the same patterns that you are going through now will be repeated again and you will encounter the same issue in the upcoming lifetime(s), until you are fully “healed” of your issues either by facing/going through the situation (painful) or by overcoming the situation by practicing any of the ‘life healing methodologies’ (not painful). More about these life healing techniques below.

“But, how to do so when I have subconsciously and consciously closed myself up and have zero confidence to do anything now?”
Good that you brought up this question of yours which allowed me to understand that you are already aware of having a “closure” at the (subconscious/conscious) mind level.
It seems to me that no amount of willpower to do anything is working for you? Is this correct? In fact you are not even getting that ‘will’ to do anything.

If so, that (willpower) won’t work because of internal resistance (typically subconscious) which we won’t even know. This resistance causes a constant state of internal (unconscious) stress, as soon as we think of doing something. (As a quick example lots of people feel like exercising to lose weight but cannot after some time)
It could be from childhood memories or even generational ones brought down to you long before. These unconscious/subconscious memories are stored at the cell level and requires “healing” so that once done you do things in an effortless way (without exerting any conscious/deliberate willpower).
Of course if you know of any process that does exactly this then please follow that. But from what I know this can be done through the Love Code (formerly called as Beyond Willpower).

– At first go through the below link. If you do not have the motivation to read this then do this for one last time.
(http://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/cellular-memory-healing-clearing/)

– Go through the FREE video series on this page
(http://www.dralexanderloyd.com/the-love-code/)

– If it interests you then you can get to understand more about the concept and/or the tools/exercises through the book at the below link
(https://www.amazon.com/Love-Code-Principle-Achieving-Happiness/dp/1101902833)
The book also has a separate chapter which takes the reader through a step-by-step practical 40 day program of practicing the Love Code.

The Love Code would bring you long term healing. Until you start practicing it, a short term process would be for you to “live in day-tight compartments” (something similar to what your beloved wife tells you to do by taking small steps). Take one day at a time. Make plans for the upcoming days/months. But only do what is required to do for that particular day. If “a day” is too overwhelming for you then consider just the next 1 hour. Look at your watch. If it is 9 am then say – “Ok. From 9 am to 10 am I am going to think and do only that is required during this 1 hour. If thoughts about getting overwhelmed and NOT wanting to do things come, then say to yourself – “Anyways, I only need to do this till the next hour, so never mind, let me continue doing what I was doing.” Then look at your watch and do the same again between 10 am to 11 am. If you prefer, reduce it even to the next 30 minutes. Just make an intention to live fully in the present moment for the next 30 minutes of your life as best as you can, by acting upon things required to be done only for those 30 minutes. You mentioned “When I’m at work, I try to think about what I wish my life to be” -So just “BE” in those 30 minutes and do not go into your past or your future. While doing work, wishing about life is going into the future. Even if you go, bring your attention back to those 30 minutes. To make your life even more peaceful and harmonious, you can go even further by reducing the 30 minutes to just thinking and taking action only for the present moment- The Now.

——-
Use the below excerpt from Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”
“For example, if you were stuck in the mud somewhere, you wouldn’t say. “Okay, I resign myself to being stuck in the mud.” Resignation is not surrender. You don’t need to accept an undesirable or unpleasant life situation. Nor do you need to deceive yourself and say that there is nothing wrong with being stuck in the mud. No. You recognize fully that you want to get out of it. You then narrow your attention down to the present moment without mentally labeling it in any way. This means that there is no judgment of the Now. Therefore, there is no resistance, no emotional negativity. You accept the “isness” of this moment. Then you take action and do all that you can to get out of the mud. Such action I call positive action. It is far more effective than negative action, which arises out of anger, despair, or frustration. Until you achieve the desired result, you continue to practice surrender by refraining from labeling the Now.”

“Let me give you a visual analogy to illustrate the point I am making. You are walking along a path at night, surrounded by a thick fog. But you have a powerful flashlight that cuts through the fog and creates a narrow, clear space in front of you. The fog is your life situation, which includes past and future; the flashlight is your conscious presence; the clear space is the Now.”
——-
So your job is to just think/act/be in that clear space (of the above example). That’s it.

If your friend calls you to meet or if you feel like going to your favorite game of weekly soccer but do not have the motivation to do so, then just take one moment at a time. Say to yourself “I will just enjoy one moment at a time. I do not need to worry about the whole end result”. Stop seeing things as a means to an end. Just focus on reaching to your car keys, then enjoy the drive to the place where you see the soccer, then just focus on saying hello to someone at that place, then bring your attention back to watching the match, enjoy your drive back to home. One thing at a time, giving up all expectations and end results. Use the same thing in your job situation and watch things changing for the good.

Keep practicing these concepts and of course the Love Code and do share your progress in life.

Best wishes,
VJ

Dear Daniel:

I was diagnosed at one point with Major Depression. I do know I was depressed since childhood. These are my suggestions:

1. Have no expectations for yourself. Afraid you don’t meet other people’s expectations of you? Accept that you don’t and stop being afraid of what already happened: you failed their expectations, and so, let it be. Be gentle with yourself, you are not well and so, no expectations. Have room to breathe relief.

2. Set the smallest goals for yourself: get out of bed is one such goal. Congratulate yourself if you made it; if you didn’t- go to number one.

3. If you achieve a small goal, set a second small goal. if you made it, congratulate yourself; if you didn’t, go to number # 1.

4. Revisit those Formative Years, aka our childhoods. You wrote above: “some memories came back in bits and pieces”- best do that in competent psychotherapy (sliding scale, low fee, no fee?); a support group (in the U.S. Depression Anonymous is such group meeting in person. You can also share your memories here. Unfortunately we don’t “grow out of” serious childhood injuries. The past never disappears unless we examine it and take on the Healing Path, as I call it.

anita

Hi Daniel,

Do this everyday till the day you have your company gathering (of course you can mentally do it during the gathering too).
Start doing it mentally (or loudly in a locked room) at your home towards your boss or anybody else who you may think you are uncomfortable with.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt4LxxBSu5Y)

Do it a couple of times and see how you feel.

Best Wishes,
VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by VJ.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by VJ.

Dear Daniel:

I spent some time reading the great majority of your posts on this thread. These are my thoughts currently:

You are or were motivated at times, these are the emotional highs, like when you were motivated to get that console. These are the “highs”.

Most often you are afraid to get scolded. You were scolded by your parents, and that is was when and where this fear was established. For a long time, there is a voice in your head scolding you. This voice is your internal representation of your parents. This voice continues the scolding.

So you live with little hope for reward (starting with the non-actualized console promise), and lots and lots of internal scolding. Living in such a mental state would not motivate ANYONE. It is no wonder you are not motivated.

Unlike what the person told you, that you are not willing to do the hard work- I believe that it is not that you are not a hard worker, or lazy- I believe that when difficulty arises, your internal voice, this inner-scolder, I will call it, raises its voice and is giving you a hard time, saying something like: “You can’t do it right! You are not capable! You are…

So, you escape, so you procrastinate, trying to not get into trouble. Only you are already in trouble, because what you are afraid another person will tell you (that you are not capable, etc.), you are already telling yourself.

What do you think so far? Will take it from there (from your response).

anita