Forum Replies Created
January 17, 2017 at 7:59 pm #125614
Good night rest well.January 17, 2017 at 7:33 pm #125610
I haven’t watched the movie but went to read the synopsis. Two things struck me:
1. Getting answers is not so straightforward and will take time.
2. Funtasia being human’s imagination while the Nothing being adult apathy and cynicism against it.
danielJanuary 17, 2017 at 6:56 pm #125607
How do I get down to the basement?
danielJanuary 17, 2017 at 6:29 pm #125603
When the child turns older, isn’t it his job to be independent? To be self motivated, to be responsible, to be everything an adult should be?
And if he cannot achieve the above, isn’t he responsible for his own predicament/downfall?
danielJanuary 17, 2017 at 4:23 pm #125591
The child will feel that his needs and feelings are not important – and perhaps when an opportunity comes to express both his needs and feelings, he may choose to withhold or present a completely different story since ìt doesn’t really matter or he will not get the result he wanted or to gain approval.
danielJanuary 16, 2017 at 9:11 pm #125503
This job I’m at now is “better than nothing” because I’m scared of applying for jobs for fear of rejection and I don’t have confidence in myself. Another sub reason is that I’m not motivated (a more blunt word would be lazy) to put in the effort for job searching. Unless the job is in the bag, but all it needs is for to submit a formal resume/application. This mindset has been in me too – and it is not helping me in my job, which is sales – I’m reluctant to do the things required to get a lead – cold emails, cold calls unless I know for sure the deal is already given to me. I used to have a more helpful mindset that rejection is part and parcel of this job, and it will train me to be a better person but not recently.
I think the console was probably the only thing that was promised and not delivered. Maybe since then, I have not really asked for anything because either I get shut down or subconsciously I just think it’s no use asking for something.
danielJanuary 16, 2017 at 7:17 pm #125491
I can fully agree about the child part. This probably explains why I choose to defer on a task and when I get away with it, I feel a sense of relief – and how I feel frustrated when I cannot get away with it, now that I’m in the working world – and how I get frustrated when I prefer things to be done in a certain way but I may not get what I want – and how instead of confronting the issue or planning my life, i am contented to take a more passive approach and hope that people around me will plan for me, which may frustrate them and lead to feelings of guilt for not pulling my weight – how I can be so stubborn with my own thinking etc.
How should I go about doing this? Is there one small step whereby I could take? I try to think about the big picture, what i would like to do with my life at work or personal but my mind draws a blank. Today, as I am at work, I’m telling myself that I ought to put in my share of effort since the company is giving me a basic pay but the child part is telling me not to be too committed to the job since the pay is not very high – then some other voice is encouraging me to carry on since a low pay is better than no pay.
I think what’s challenging for me is that i’m being torn between the child, the inner critic and also my responsible self all the time.
danielJanuary 16, 2017 at 5:44 pm #125470
What you have described so far kinda resonates with me. Take for example, the unfulfilled promise of the console. Despite my asking them several times after fulfilling my part of the bargain, they told me to wait but it never comes. I wonder if it is linked to a message I tell myself at times: “There is no point in doing anything because it will not get me the result anyway.”
My inner voice not only scolds me, it also encourages me to procrastinate and watch tv, sleep or do anything that provides me instant gratification, it also tells me that if I do not behave in a manner that is similar to other men in society, then I ought to feel ashamed of myself. All in all, it’s a voice I don’t like, but somehow I’m stuck with it.
Then, when my boss actually reprimands me for not completing my task, I get impatient and I retort and I avoid at all costs. While I may be able to avoid my boss (since he is not always in office), I find myself talking to myself in a manner as how I would imagine him to be talking to me.
Now for some uplifting news. I have kept up a regular exercise routine for the past two weeks. Yesterday, I forced myself to write down a list of tasks which I completed, albeit reluctantly. I also tried to interact a bit more with my colleague in office. While exercising has become a habit to me, I’m still struggling with work, and life. But deep down, I would like to be more proactive in my life. It is so tough trying to type the above. It’s like I have to squeeze the words out of me. It doesn’t flow as easily as I would have liked it to be.
danielJanuary 16, 2017 at 2:42 am #125380
Hi VJ, thank you for your sharing!
Hi @anita, if you are still keen, I would still like to continue our conversation and pick up where we left off.January 13, 2017 at 6:37 am #125165
I dread seeing my boss, the one I have been trying very hard to avoid. He is a partner of the company but he has another day job outside of the company so I don’t see him in the office, only occasionally. I did not perform up to his expectations so I feel awkward.
I also dread that I have to stay for the BBQ in the evening, which means I have to mingle and interact with people – I have been avoiding social activities for a very long time – at least half a year – only hang out when my wife’s family comes over for family meals. Even then I’m pretty quiet and seldom talk.
– DanielJanuary 13, 2017 at 5:33 am #125161
Your soul will take another body and the same patterns that you are going through now will be repeated again…..
I agree with this statement. By choosing to avoid my problem, it may provide short term relief but some point in the future, it will come back to haunt me when a similar scenario arises.
For example, how long can I stay hidden and avoid the people or situations that are unpleasant or undesirable? I really dread the upcoming company gathering but since I have to go, I will attempt to put your advice about enjoying each moment into practice.
In fact you are not even getting that ‘will’ to do anything.
In brief, my avoidance from doing undesirable/challenging tasks at work have transferred into other parts of my life, and all I want to do all the time is watch TV. Recently, I have started exercising with my wife. Though it hasn’t really solved my work issues, I feel fitter and it gives me a bit more confidence. Will continue to exercise.
As to your suggestion to live in day tight compartments, I will think about it over the weekend and work out a plan for next week. And see what happens.
DanielJanuary 13, 2017 at 5:14 am #125158
I believe you should be recovering well since your last diagnosis. And like many others before me, I appreciate your time and effort in conversing with me.
For now, I would prefer to share my memories here because I’m currently unable to afford the cost of psychotherapy.
Where should I begin with my revisitation of my memories? Will it be better if you asked me questions and there’s a back and forth?
With regards to suggestion:
1) There is a company gathering next week, and I will meet my superior whom I have been avoiding g for the longest time, because I feel very pressured by him. I imagine the awkwardness and embarrassment I would feel on that day and it stresses me out and how I wish that I could be excused but too bad I can’t. Any suggestion how I could cope with this?
2/3)I wonder if I should be more focused on my goal setting – like targeted at my fears for example? Otherwise, my goals could be another Avenue for me to avoid my issues.
4) I will consider your suggestion of joining a support group in my country.
DanielJanuary 12, 2017 at 10:13 pm #125145
Thank you for your response. Will need some time to go through your links! Will keep you posted of any updates or questions that I may have!
I like the part about enjoying each moment without seeing things as a means to an end!
DanielJanuary 12, 2017 at 9:04 pm #125140
Hi Nina Sakura,
Can you see though how your fear of facing possible failure is setting you up for failure anyway? which in turn reinforces your negative core belief about yourself?
My fear of failure, combined with my choice/decision/inclination not to participate in unpleasant/undesirable tasks/projects, and also a belief that “if doing this is not going to guarantee me a 100% success rate, why do it at all?” is creating a strong inertia internally. The cycle of me giving up before the battle is fought or consistently crumbling under pressure has indeed reinforced my negative self belief and contributing to reducing levels of confidence.
I remember two statements that my father made vividly when I was young:
1. “I cannot believe that he is the top student in his school!” When I was 12 years old
2. “I cannot believe that he can be a leader in the army!” When I was 19 years old
I cannot be sure if he really meant it, or he was just using another way of expressing that he is very proud of me. But, I always get a sense that he is more proud of my sibling’s achievements than myself, which sometimes makes me jealous. But I don’t remember telling my dad about the effect his words had on me. Perhaps because of fear of getting scolded and also the age gap, other than being the typical young playful kid, I don’t remember being very outspoken in my family – more of an observer or spectator.
Regarding what is required of my work situation, thank you for putting a list together. Based on your list given,
a) Basic concepts (Profit = Revenue – Expenditure) Strong
b) A knack for seeing patterns Average
c) Analysis, strategies, ability to connect dots weak
d) People skills – (i) Colleagues (ii) Superiors (iii) clients weak
e) Initiative, working individually average
f) Out of box thinking very weak
January 12, 2017 at 6:56 pm #125132
- This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by daniel.
I was referred to a psychiatrist by an acquaintance in 2011. I had started work in mid 2010 and I was bustling with energy and extremely motivated. However, during the first quarter of 2011, I started to have doubts over my capability and started feeding negative thoughts to myself. Over time, I spoke less to my colleagues | I kept my thoughts to myself | I ate alone | I went home after work and laid down to watch TV or sleep without having my meals or washing up until the next morning | I stopped exercising | I put on weight. Finally, the last straw came when I had to organize an event. I was so preoccupied with and overwhelmed by my thoughts of screwing up, how people will not cooperate or turn up for the event – I procrastinated …… and procrastinated …… to a point whereby I could no longer take it anymore- I decided not to turn up for work without informing anyone and I was uncontactable for more than one week. Eventually I decided to return home, after reading some messages from my loved ones.
At that time, my family thought it was crucial that I received help and also probably as a means to provide a reason for my disappearance – hence I think that was why the referral to the psychiatrist.
The visits were at times helpful, at times I was there to request for medical leave because I still suffer from breakdowns every now and then. After 2014, I have decided to stop seeing him because his charges are too high for me to afford now, given my reduced monthly income, and probably my mindset was not right. Even as I am saying this, I am tempted to revisit him for a consultation so that I can get a medical certificate and be excused from an unpleasant activity.
I have not fully recovered, or perhaps I should say that I probably have not learnt much from these episodes, since my mood is like a cycle of emotional highs and lows and my go-to safe place is to escape whenever it’s an unpleasant and uncomfortable situation. I don’t think I should continue living like this. I figure now will be a good time to start helping myself again, since I am given some space to sort myself out and I wonder what my next step should be.
I daydream about doing a life plan, about being motivated to start each day knowing what I was going to do but there is a very strong internal resistance. I question the effectiveness of a life plan – I question the effectiveness of exercise – I question if thinking positively will help me lead a better life. I am very skeptical.
I want to break out of this cycle – and then as I start to brace myself, I noticed that there are certain events in my life which I would still like to “escape from” – social activities etc but I have no choice but to go through them and then I start getting unhappy all over again. My life seems to be in a mess and I have no idea where to start.
Maybe like what @VJ said, death will not solve anything. My vicious cycle will repeat itself with me in another body until I face up to my issues. Another problem I have is being very stubborn as well – For example, my wife will suggest that I at least take a small step to greet my colleagues in the morning but I find it very tough and weird after I have gotten used to keeping quiet. Maybe they are also used to me being like that.
I think how we can move on is perhaps to revisit my relationship with my parents and/or my siblings? As I’m typing, some memories came back in bits and pieces. And I think I have to continually remind myself that I need to help myself.
Sorry if my thoughts are jumbled up.