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daniel

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 25 total)
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  • #176559

    daniel
    Participant

    Is counseling considered psychotherapy? I've been seeing a counselor for perhaps the past 4 years now.

    #176519

    daniel
    Participant

    I am back in the rut and once again, I've chosen to withdraw from social contact as much as I can. Being like this isn't nice, but although I know it's a repeated pattern of a vicious cycle, I keep coming back to this option whenever I'm overwhelmed, stressed. It sucks.

    #176345

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi anita, are you there?

    #125614

    daniel
    Participant

    Good night rest well.

    #125610

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I haven't watched the movie but went to read the synopsis. Two things struck me:

    1. Getting answers is not so straightforward and will take time.

    2. Funtasia being human's imagination while the Nothing being adult apathy and cynicism against it.

    daniel

    #125607

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    How do I get down to the basement?

    daniel

    #125603

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    When the child turns older, isn't it his job to be independent? To be self motivated, to be responsible, to be everything an adult should be?

    And if he cannot achieve the above, isn't he responsible for his own predicament/downfall?

    daniel

    #125591

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    The child will feel that his needs and feelings are not important – and perhaps when an opportunity comes to express both his needs and feelings, he may choose to withhold or present a completely different story since ìt doesn't really matter or he will not get the result he wanted or to gain approval.

    daniel

    #125503

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    This job I'm at now is “better than nothing” because I'm scared of applying for jobs for fear of rejection and I don't have confidence in myself. Another sub reason is that I'm not motivated (a more blunt word would be lazy) to put in the effort for job searching. Unless the job is in the bag, but all it needs is for to submit a formal resume/application. This mindset has been in me too – and it is not helping me in my job, which is sales – I'm reluctant to do the things required to get a lead – cold emails, cold calls unless I know for sure the deal is already given to me. I used to have a more helpful mindset that rejection is part and parcel of this job, and it will train me to be a better person but not recently.

    I think the console was probably the only thing that was promised and not delivered. Maybe since then, I have not really asked for anything because either I get shut down or subconsciously I just think it's no use asking for something.

    daniel

    #125491

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    I can fully agree about the child part. This probably explains why I choose to defer on a task and when I get away with it, I feel a sense of relief – and how I feel frustrated when I cannot get away with it, now that I'm in the working world – and how I get frustrated when I prefer things to be done in a certain way but I may not get what I want – and how instead of confronting the issue or planning my life, i am contented to take a more passive approach and hope that people around me will plan for me, which may frustrate them and lead to feelings of guilt for not pulling my weight – how I can be so stubborn with my own thinking etc.

    How should I go about doing this? Is there one small step whereby I could take? I try to think about the big picture, what i would like to do with my life at work or personal but my mind draws a blank. Today, as I am at work, I'm telling myself that I ought to put in my share of effort since the company is giving me a basic pay but the child part is telling me not to be too committed to the job since the pay is not very high – then some other voice is encouraging me to carry on since a low pay is better than no pay.

    I think what's challenging for me is that i'm being torn between the child, the inner critic and also my responsible self all the time.

    regards,
    daniel

    #125470

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    What you have described so far kinda resonates with me. Take for example, the unfulfilled promise of the console. Despite my asking them several times after fulfilling my part of the bargain, they told me to wait but it never comes. I wonder if it is linked to a message I tell myself at times: “There is no point in doing anything because it will not get me the result anyway.”

    My inner voice not only scolds me, it also encourages me to procrastinate and watch tv, sleep or do anything that provides me instant gratification, it also tells me that if I do not behave in a manner that is similar to other men in society, then I ought to feel ashamed of myself. All in all, it's a voice I don't like, but somehow I'm stuck with it.

    Then, when my boss actually reprimands me for not completing my task, I get impatient and I retort and I avoid at all costs. While I may be able to avoid my boss (since he is not always in office), I find myself talking to myself in a manner as how I would imagine him to be talking to me.

    Now for some uplifting news. I have kept up a regular exercise routine for the past two weeks. Yesterday, I forced myself to write down a list of tasks which I completed, albeit reluctantly. I also tried to interact a bit more with my colleague in office. While exercising has become a habit to me, I'm still struggling with work, and life. But deep down, I would like to be more proactive in my life. It is so tough trying to type the above. It's like I have to squeeze the words out of me. It doesn't flow as easily as I would have liked it to be.

    regards,
    daniel

    #125380

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi VJ, thank you for your sharing!

    Hi @anita, if you are still keen, I would still like to continue our conversation and pick up where we left off.

    #125165

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi VJ,

    I dread seeing my boss, the one I have been trying very hard to avoid. He is a partner of the company but he has another day job outside of the company so I don't see him in the office, only occasionally. I did not perform up to his expectations so I feel awkward.

    I also dread that I have to stay for the BBQ in the evening, which means I have to mingle and interact with people – I have been avoiding social activities for a very long time – at least half a year – only hang out when my wife's family comes over for family meals. Even then I'm pretty quiet and seldom talk.

    – Daniel

    #125161

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi @VJ,

    Your soul will take another body and the same patterns that you are going through now will be repeated again…..

    I agree with this statement. By choosing to avoid my problem, it may provide short term relief but some point in the future, it will come back to haunt me when a similar scenario arises.

    For example, how long can I stay hidden and avoid the people or situations that are unpleasant or undesirable? I really dread the upcoming company gathering but since I have to go, I will attempt to put your advice about enjoying each moment into practice.

    In fact you are not even getting that ‘will’ to do anything.

    In brief, my avoidance from doing undesirable/challenging tasks at work have transferred into other parts of my life, and all I want to do all the time is watch TV. Recently, I have started exercising with my wife. Though it hasn't really solved my work issues, I feel fitter and it gives me a bit more confidence. Will continue to exercise.

    As to your suggestion to live in day tight compartments, I will think about it over the weekend and work out a plan for next week. And see what happens.

    Warmest regards,
    Daniel

    #125158

    daniel
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I believe you should be recovering well since your last diagnosis. And like many others before me, I appreciate your time and effort in conversing with me.

    For now, I would prefer to share my memories here because I'm currently unable to afford the cost of psychotherapy.

    Where should I begin with my revisitation of my memories? Will it be better if you asked me questions and there's a back and forth?

    With regards to suggestion:

    1) There is a company gathering next week, and I will meet my superior whom I have been avoiding g for the longest time, because I feel very pressured by him. I imagine the awkwardness and embarrassment I would feel on that day and it stresses me out and how I wish that I could be excused but too bad I can't. Any suggestion how I could cope with this?

    2/3)I wonder if I should be more focused on my goal setting – like targeted at my fears for example? Otherwise, my goals could be another Avenue for me to avoid my issues.

    4) I will consider your suggestion of joining a support group in my country.

    Warmest regards,
    Daniel

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 25 total)