Dear Shirley:

1. How do I find myself amongst people when it seems like my inner bully tries to sneak in?-

Hear what the inner bully is saying and think: this is what the inner bully said, now what are THIS person in front of me saying? Listen to him/ her without the inner bully interpretation. If you are not clear about what a person is saying (being unsure if the person is a real-life bully or your inner bully is projecting itself into that person), ask respectfully for clarification.

Try to associate one-to-one with people or be in very small groups, that may be easier than big groups.

2. How do I isolate myself at times when I need to be alone without appearing aloof and cynical?-

If you are in a group and being ignored (I know how that feels!)- just leave. If you are with one other person or in a group where you are engaged, excuse yourself with a smile, in a friendly manner: “got to go, see you later!”

* maybe you are withdrawn lately because you are under more pressure than usual, the java class and such?

anita