Nina –

To be completely transparent: no, I do not find peace in my own company. I can sit in a room by myself and not go crazy…but, my thoughts are steered in a negative direction so much more when I do not have people surrounding me to uplift me. I know I should be able to lift myself up and that should come from within and not from without.

And, yes, I firmly believe there is a deficiency in me…firmly. And I hate the pain that I experience knowing that I have that deficiency. In my mind, I just want to be with people, and assume that should be something easy to do. But, as you and many others have indicated, I have to work on my own self in order to be strong enough for a relationship. It seems so hard…and to try and improve and implement the wonderful ideas everyone has presented…and to do that when alone…that is a real challenge.

Nina, everything you have told me has been so helpful…I don’t want you to think that my responses are rejections to what wonderful love and guidance you have extended to me. I appreciate it more than you know…way, way more than you know!

I am heading to skiing this evening all by myself…I am terrified!!!! But, I know it’s necessary to develop peace in my own company. Please say a prayer for me as I navigate a difficult weekend…judging from my schedule, I’m going to be quite disconnected from people…but I’m hoping that I use the time to learn to love myself, so when the time comes that I am not alone…relationships will naturally development.

I carry so much love and appreciation in my heart for all you and others have contributed. Enjoy your weekend…and I pray that you find peace in helping others, as you have with me.