Hello Anita

Yes i am back and i remember asking if it was the right thing to do and everyone advised me not to do it, but i followed my heart and not my head which is normal for me.

Whilst he was living with me he went a couple of times, there was one incident where we had his son for the weekend and he asked if he could go for a couple of hours to a pub with some friends from work. I said ok no problem as i get on very well with his son, i could say i am closer to his son than he is. He left and he came back 14 hours later with no contact from him.. i had his son to look after, make him his lunch, dinner, bath and put him to bed. I was so angry with him when he stumbled in drunk, blamed the fact i said i had wanted to leave him, and thats when i said i was leaving him and i was through with it all.. i checked his phone while he was asleep and there i saw a picture of him in a club with him and his friends and pictures of women all sitting toegther, ofcourse denied that he did anything and someone else was taking the pictures eventhough his phone is passworded.
The half naked picture i found on xmas day a couple of months after moving to the uk with him,,whilst i visited his parents for the first time. IT WAS THE WORST XMAS I HAVE EVER HAD.

Signs of a sociopath i,e He is very charming, he knows what to say and when to say it. He loves to talk about his accompplishments a lot and how better he is than everybody else and never has time or the want to listen to your achievements and has no interest or may do on very rare occasions. He has had a very bad childhood prior to being adopted but i know personally from what his adoptive mother has told me that she gave him and his sister the best upbringing she could, what she regrets though is not sending them for help as she said she had noticed something wasnt right with him behaviour wise. Despite all this he is very disconnected from his family and all these friends he claims to have dont really exist apart from work friends. He always plays the victim with ANYTHING, its his childhood that has made him this way, oh you left me ally not me i didint give up etc.. he always manages to make me feel like it is always my fault or i am the one thats paranoid. He is void of all emotions or sympathy..i could be crying after an argument, crying to the point anyone would come and calm me down and say everything is going to be ok.. not him he will walk away and watch a movie and then go to sleep. I left once and slept in my car at a supermarket parking..it was -2 that night and he heard me leave..he didnt message me once to see if i was safe he fell asleep and i found him in bed that morning at 6am when i walked in..he didnt care. Makes me feel bad if he sees me on the phone talking to my friends or family and very rarely asks if everyone is alright.

I read all this and i think what the hell am i doing with this person… why am i destroying myself. I HAVE NEVER ever felt this way and have never felt it this hard to let go of someone. Like i have said above i am home now with family and friends but all i want to do is be alone, not see or talk to anyone. The only person i can open up to is my psycologist.. i feel emotionally dead. I love him and i want to help him.. but cant falsly diagnose him and leave him for that …which comes back to my question can you ever stay with a sociopath and be happy ? 🙁 i really am at a loss of feleings..decisions.. x