I am sorry i have taken so wrong to reply, i wanted to take a break from everything.

I dont think i had such a bad childhood, yes it was dysfunctional but i dont think it was all that bad, im sure other people have gone through worse than i.

I grew up with my mother and my two eldest sisters, their father (who took me on) was split up from my mum but to cut the long story short he supported her and all of us.. which is why i admire and love him so much, that a man despite losing the woman he loved he took me on eventhough i wasnt his. His death took a huge toll on me. The thing is i never knew he wasnt my father, i was told at 6 years old that he wasnt my dad.. in which i had to meet my real dad who didnt really care and still hasnt, i havent heard from him in years despite my many efforts to speak to him.

I had good moments with my bf, his issues were a lot more than mine Anita and he knew that. I by all means was not perfect and i could have done more to help myself to maybe be strong enough to handle his issues? i know he loves me the best he can..but the constant want to lie, the constant disconnection to his family.. he knows he hurts people that love him..! He is now going to therapy and its helping him. I know he is scared of abandonment ( which is something i did by leaving him), and he retaliates and tries to hurt others back. I have only just found he messed around few days before i left.. before his councilling. I found out as i started snooping.. he is calling me now saying how sorry he is .. that he is so messed up inside and he didnt sleep with her and he cant understand how i can still love him. I am so hurt and feel so betrayed but i dont hate him.. i know why he did it .. there was no excuse for what he did .. he says i left him and we were apart.. which is true. But i respected him enough and remained loyal through and through. My family and friends will be so dissapointed in me if i go back .. i dont even know why the hell i want to go back ???? why god why ??