Dear Michele:

The key sentence in your post to my understanding of his accusation (that you don’t do ENOUGH, by the way, not that you “don’t do ANYTHING”) is:

“We plan to move out of state in the fall”- I think he is anxious about this move, this expected change in his life. He is afraid of going forward with it.

You asked how to confront him? I would say: talk, do not confront. Bring up the planned move and as calmly as you can, initiate an honest, non-accusatory conversation about the expected changes this plan entails. If he feels that he doesn’t have to be alone with his anxiety, it will help him endure it. He will need to learn to express his anxiety in non-aggressive ways.

As is, when you move with him, it can be an unpleasant and occasionally or maybe, frequently, an explosive experience. Better talk about it honestly BEFORE making the move. Consider changing plans. If keeping the plans, come up with strategies to make it work.

Your thoughts?

anita