Dear Alexandra:

I think that as I type this you are traveling, on your way to the UK. It is exciting, as there is hope there, hope for love, for a good life.

It will be a good idea for the two of you to attend competent couple counseling in the UK for the purpose of setting ground rules and skills to learn and practice as you communicate with each other.

Ground rules would be determining the behaviors on your part that are unacceptable to him (referred to as “wrong” in my previous post) and those that are unacceptable to you, negotiate if there is a reasonable compromise, coming to an agreement to not perform those behaviors.

Skills are such as Assertiveness- how to state one’s needs and feelings without aggression (overt or covert), without indirect manipulation, but honestly and directly. Communicate with each other using EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect.

Hope you have a safe trip and looking forward to your first post from the UK.

anita