Dear Anita.

So I think Andrew knows that I like him because he has become quite shy around me and sometimes looks down and blushes when I look at him. We both are busy with our classes and sometimes get a few scattered conversations here and there. I have some great friends in my classes this year and I find that they appreciate me for who I truly am. The inner bully has faded when I’m out in public lately and I feel more confident, but it likes to sneak in every now and then when I’m alone. In my AP Biology and AP Calc class, we are reviewing for the AP test in May and my inner bully often tries to sabotage me when I’m alone saying that I need to have better study skills and workout plans and sometimes it can be a bit distracting. However out in public lately, my friends constantly remind me of how talented I am and I’m glad for it.  I have the feeling that I can become the life of the party if I let myself go, but there is a part of me that wants to stay in the shadows.  I am still quite self-conscious of myself every now and then. The question is how do I know that the people I am with now aren’t just shallow relationships? How do I know they truly appreciate me and will embrace me even for my flaws? How do I get the courage to show my flaws instead of hiding them?  My special friend always asks me “Do you realize that you could change the world? Do you realize how beautiful you are even with flaws?” And yet I find myself trying to push for more, more in athleticism, more in academics trying to cover every flaw. Yet, I can’t run or keep hiding my flaws because they are currently distracting me when I’m alone.