Dear Hannah:

When a person is  “constantly feeling on the verge of an anxiety attack” and is “spiraling deeper into despair and self loathing”- I say: it is time to attend competent psychotherapy.

Looking back at your first post, you wrote: “Before we decided to give the relationship a go, he told me that he would have to return to his home country in the near future.. he has ever really told me what his plans are for our future.”

You then agreed to have an intimate relationship with him, to “give him most of (your) firsts” even though you knew he was to return to his home country soon and even though he never expressed plans for a future with you.

Your intimate relationship lasted three months, but you met only twice a week. He was busy having a life without you five days a week, during those three months (uni, a part time job, colleagues and friends) .

There was no agreement between the two of you that IF you became physically intimate with him THEN he will be your boyfriend/ husband for a particular length of time. He broke no agreement, therefore he has no debt to you.

In addition, there is no indication that he told you any lies, nor was he dishonest with you.

If you attended competent therapy, maybe Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, you will have the opportunity to correct your thinking so it fits reality. When that happens, your feelings will change and your distress will be alleviated.

Your thoughts?

anita