I hear you on that. To be fair, we both could have handled things better during our friendship. I wasn’t always the most honest or rational. There was the very beginning of our friendship when people would often point out our flirty behavior and I would say we were just friends. That was something he brought up, saying he didn’t think I had feelings for him because of that and I never said how I felt and idk if me restraint felt like rejection.

When he started hooking up and dating, it was halfway through our friendship. I felt he was still healing from a previous relationship of several years and I didn’t want to be involved or hooked up with. This was hard because I cared so deeply about him already, so I traveled and created physical distance, but he would call and text and when I got home, we were inseparable until that drunken incident.

He distanced himself from me and I asked him to talk to me about it and he told me he wanted friendship and didn’t know how to be so close to someone without having feelings, but then said he wasn’t romantically or sexually attracted to me and we were platonic. I simply agreed to avoid any more awkwardness but we still didn’t talk for a bit and when we did talk, we were always up and down until I finally just cut him off.

It’s very complicated. I have taken a lot of time to myself and I am still holding onto that freedom and loved ones. I don’t know if anything will ever heal this, but I just wanted to know I really tried to salvage the future relationship. Maybe I’ll just wait it out and see what time does, but I’m not “waiting” for him or anything, rest assured.