I apologize. I must clarify.
She was 17 when we have first met. And we engaged into a long distance relationship.
On my side, i was calm and was usually home, making my way through school, while she, on the other hand, was more outgoing and sort of irresponsible.

Her mother apparently doesn’t mind it, but her father used to. Now he’s sick, and there is no man to supervise her, except me, which i still can’t do, cause i’m far away from her. It is essentially why i was very anxious about the relation. The fact that if anything happened, i would be incapable of dealing with it. Which is the breakup later on.

We only have spent nights together over chat, playing games and doing anything that’s enjoyable, but that never seemed, nor feeled to be enough. She still had to go out, and i knew it. I was just upset on how she does not know how to behave, and on how it feels like i’m giving her away for people to actually use her.

Trust me, i thought it was silly at first and i did not mind anything, but eventually my claims were true, and while i don’t necessarily regret allowing her to do certain things, or say things, i wish to not deal with all the pain i’ve been through.

She was 18 when she tried to move on, and i guess she was old enough to make decisions for herself, but they were wrong and not only i was betrayed, i had to befriend her and care for her cause she suffers from depression, which her partner didn’t do when he was with her.

My father has a similar mental attitude than mine, but still vastly different.
When one acts stupid around me, or when someone offends me, i don’t reply back, i simply turn cold and get stripped out of all emotions, and no one can trigger this apart from her, cause she’s the closest.
While it is best to leave me alone and provide me with time to get over my condition, she sticks with me after committing a certain act that upsets me cause she gets horrified over the notion that this might lead me to breaking up with her, especially when i have a valid reason for it.

I was nice to her, to her friends, her family and i came to agree on what contradicted my terms, only because i trust her, but that only led me straight to a road full of suffering and now i’m left resentful.

I’m sorry for employing bad words, but i find myself able to convey my hatred with those.