Forum Replies Created
July 3, 2017 at 6:57 am #156124
Dominance is a character, not a choice.
While i have tried so much to bring a change, i always met failure.
I have clearly mentioned the fact that despite my struggles to let her loose, she still cheated, meaning she’s not responsible herself, and all the times she came back asking for forgiveness are a clear sign that she’s lost and while she hurts me beyond repair, she still asks for us back once the “actions” are done. As if it is a necessity for her, and i would like to know why.
I am asking how to move on from someone who loves me but still causes so much hurt.
I find it difficult to move on while she could one day come back, desperate for another try.
I never gave up on her. She only crossed boundaries and as i confront her with it, i find no other way but to break up with her, which drives her to all that’s told above. And yet that doesn’t spare me from her. She always returns and threatens me.
How do i stop expecting it? Since it happened several times by now.March 26, 2017 at 9:56 am #142183
I don’t know what else i could explain for you to comprehend.
This girlfriend is offending me the way she could offend any other men by actually cheating on him. Why would you skip that part?
I clearly stated that the cheating part made me change and since then i’m unable to fully trust her, and whenever she goes out till morning i get restless thinking of what may happen.
Whether she’s my possession or not, that’s personal, what i seeked advice for was whether her behavior was rational or not, nothing else.
If your boyfriend came to cheat on you, and then you agreed on taking him back, you mean that you won’t have the slightest suspicion or discomfort when he engages into things that once led him to cheating?
March 25, 2017 at 5:10 am #142077
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Azouz.
I’m someone who’s placed 4 years behind you. I really wish to have a proper talk with you and learn so much from you.
I have so many questions to ask.. But for the sake of simplicity.. I will bring the most important one..
Why now.. 4 years later?
Just like you, i had a vague breakup with my girlfriend and i still feel like it’s not fully over, while it is.
Our stories might feel similar, but we are on the opposite side of it. I am the man in this. I’m the person who’s willing to move on and end up being with someone else other than seek to be back with my girlfriend, and i’ll tell you why.
Before i go any further.. I will respond to your question. Yes. We regret breaking up, but at a certain extent that highly depends on how much we loved our partner and how much we were willing to sacrifice, aswell as meeting the awful side of life which was unknown to us thanks to our partner.
While i could love her, and while i was ready to do anything for her, raising a family, marrying her, and spending my entire life with her, i’m now in a position where i wish to forget about her and start everything anew.
Our bond was over due mistakes that were done by both sides, and since humans are not forgetful species, we find it best to move on rather than facing things all over again.
When i first started reading your story, i was holding my answer. As you get successful and get through life on your own, your partner will be deceived on the idea he had of you and then seek to have you back, which apparently he doesn’t do, cause he never got to see you.
Seeing your face will definitely move something in him, but it’s best that you don’t do it. Don’t think of him too often, and live the way you did for 4 long years, till you meet someone who’s gonna make you happy and subsconsciouly make you forget about your ex.
Next time he breaks up, or when something terrible happens in his life, he won’t be thinking of no other than you. He would be wondering what it would’ve been like if he had you, cause we, men and women tend to think of our loved ones when we are down, but never when we are escalating high.
I wish to have a private talk with you if you don’t mind, but i will be away for a day, so i will seek to reach up to you tomorrow night. Till then, take care!March 25, 2017 at 1:01 am #142071
I’m ok, Anita.
But how about the relation i was involved in?March 24, 2017 at 2:45 pm #141567
No matter how hard you try to reach the perfect kind of love, it can always fall apart.
You might be confident that you’ll stick to the relation and protect it, but you can never be certain about your partner’s intentions.
You can just meet people, build relations and learn. Just never make yourself vulnerable, and when someone insists that the good phase is over, which is personally an asburd concept to me, you can just let them go and watch them regret their choice.
Relationships, or partners who think that there’s flame only at the beginning of the relation then set it to an end as it grows are not worth keeping cause they lack one important aspect of life. The presence of our loved one will always make our life better regardless of where and when.
Find someone who’s gonna value you, respect you, smile for you and wish to spend her entire life with you.
Your challenge will bring your entire patience to the test, but be careful about your future engagements. Soon enough, you will meet the one. You barely have got enough time to make yourself perfect for her, so when you find her, you will be ready to bring her every shape of joy.March 24, 2017 at 1:58 pm #141563
I apologize for some of the spelling mistakes i made. It’s been a busy day and i’m now tired. I think it’s time to sleep.
Wish you good night everyone, but will return.March 24, 2017 at 1:46 pm #141549
You are not misunderstanding the situation. Because it is what’s happening to me.
You are right, Anita, but there’s something i must mention.
The emotion did not only vanish, it has partially built my character and made me what i am.
Perhaps i treated my girlfriend unfairly, but i seriously doubt it. She’s been happy throughout our relation and i was good to her, until she did what gravely offended me and forced me into visualizing what she’s done with her partner by recalling past memories.
Some situations can’t be dealt with. Each word that gets told will hurt those who are concerned, so i opt to coldness and strip myself out of all emotions so that i don’t feel grief, jealousy, anger or any of the states you have mentioned.
I’m a dominant. And not only i possess but i also deeply cherish. This might sound abusive but it never was, and never will be. I just felt responsible of guiding my previous partner so that i can love her the best way i can additionally to keeping her.
I really am not convinced into feeling this way, and i wished to change but now i believe that this is essential in order to preserve my well being and staying calm, without being vulnerable to anyone.
I was fine with her leading her own life, and spending it the way she wants, believing that nothing would have been able to break us apart. Which was unwise?
All she did was tolerated and i did not mind it the slightest. I was too afraid of imposing myself on her comfort zone, or her choices.
The first time we faced a serious breakup, her lifestyle that i did permit hugely contributed to her decision of moving on. As i have already mentioned, she was already frequenting this classmate before she gets on with him.
Furthermore, both my conduct and affability were perceived as a weakness, so additionally to all she’s done while we were together, she thought it was time to do more. She felt confined while i did nothing to actually prevent her from spending time on her own. I guess it was the basic fundamentals of being in a relation (something i’m so impressed she has) that averted her from behaving in such manners when she was with me.
I moved on when that happened and i was in misery for a few days. I did not understand what has happened and what sort of curse god has inflicted on me by introducing such a manipulative person who craves hurting others only boost her mood into my life.
When all the the fun was over, she came back crying, asking for forgiveness, full of remorse and threatening me of killing herself.
I was forced to let her in, and that made me love more, aswell as feeding my hate for her.
Since then, i was more strict about a few things that i used to disregard.
I thought i was doing that for her well being, but now it was time to prove her true intentions.
Staying out late, speaking of friends, mentioning people who once advised her to stay with that classmate over getting back to me only cause i was viewed as a foreigner and someone they haven’t met while the only person i knew was her, and it was agonizing to see that her friends actually made decisions for her.
We quickly went over the period of hurt, especially for her, and got her back. We’ve been in a couple and everything was running just fine, but some of her desires did not change. All she says is that i must have trust in her, knowing that she had all of it once but have shown that she doesn’t earn it.
I’m just defending myself and i’m not making myself vulnerable to her as much.
She still goes out with a few friends that i know at times, and i’m absolutely fine with it, but whenever she goes out late to intend crowded places with people i know nothing of, where alcohol and dancing are involved, i grow restless and mad.
I have made the rule of 2am. It simply consists of being home before 2 since bad things usually happen after that part of the night, and she still occasionally came against it.
This woman was unable of refraining herself from going to certain places that i had bad feelings about. I end up thinking most of the time, what on earth would she be doing for long hours outside, at someone’s place? Drinking, talking and dancing if not more, and i always wonder why those are so necessary to her while it was proven to be troublesome many times.
Here are some experiences.
She was went on a trip that was destined to her aunt’s place that lives far away from her city. Her cousin was driving and while this was not the first occurrence, she dropped at a cousin’s place, not aunt’s, and i hate when plans change, but well, she does not get to decide, so let’s proceed..
It was getting late and she was still not getting herself ready to sleep, so i wished her good night and fell asleep while i was watching a movie. I got a call from her around 3 in the morning, and there i had the shock of my life.
She was crying. I got terrified and woke up immediately then asked what was up. She took a few minutes before she caught a breath and explained that one of her cousins, the one who owned the place hurted her. So she ran outside and called me, which i’m glad she did.
I comforted her while the situation was desperate.. I was so helpless while i was to beat this guy for touching my girlfriend.
I asked her to contact one of her cousins nearby and move elsewhere to stay overnight. So she went in, locked on herself till they came, and i was there all along, till she got herself on a new bed and slept, at 6. She promised to explain everything on the next day and that she was too tired to talk, so i delayed it.
Next morning, she said nothing, no signs of someone who was willing to confess.. So i asked about the incident. She replied by “there’s not much to tell..” which can’t be the case since she was full of talk last night before she slept. I eventually figured out that she went to the club along with her cousins at night and haven’t told me since i got no texts from her. Why? Because i would have no allowed it. While i was sleeping! As if lying would be solving it also. So i got even more upset on how she got herself in troubles and only then she thought of me.
Similar things happened, like getting a slap from someone who did hit on her while she rejected or when she was forcefully taken elsewhere other than home since she was not the driver.
In short, i was restless with her. I was not peaceful at all and whenever i thought that our relation was progressing, she always had to ruin it.
The way she behaves is out of character, and with every action she comes against my fundamentals. For someone who would have been known as my girlfriend or wife in the eyes of others, i was willing to accept it only at the beginning of our relation, but now it’s no more the case.March 24, 2017 at 10:49 am #141515
At a time, i caught her being intimate with someone when i was a defenseless child.
She does not know about this, and i’m not highly influenced by it since i still have respect for her, but i don’t want her to tell me about anything she goes through. It’s her choice. Her life, and i’m not concerned about it. But what i know for sure, when my mother faces a tremendous problem, i will most likely be there for her.
I guess this does not affect any of my relations so far.March 24, 2017 at 9:39 am #141499
Yes, we have only met once in person, and we have both enjoyed it. I got the opportunity to meet the woman i spent two longs years with.
My mother is leading her own life, and while she tries to seek advice from me on her personal affairs, i ask her to never involve me in it cause i have no interets in discussing.
I am not attempting to take on her father’s role, but i learned that my girlfriend lacks morals and does not have principles. Or that’s what i thought.
At times, when we casually talk about something, she expresses her point by disapproving on a few things and i find myself glad to realise that we’re on the same track, but then she does that certain thing. So while she knows it’s wrong, she still does it, especially in times where we’re arguing, and if she seeks to hurt me. And that’s what bothers me.
For instance, one night she might go out at 22 while i’m more into rising early. I expect her to be home very late especially that she does never follow a strict plan. She always gets additional things to do and thus, spend more time outside. We had many nights where i had to wait till 1 only to have her say she won’t be home anytime soon yet, so i leave in disappointment. Honestly i never get to sleep on those nights until she texts me, so i pretend that i left. When she gets home and informs me, without replying to her, nor showing that i’m present, i succumb to sleep once i confirm that she’s safe.
Back to where i was, on this particular night where she left at 22, i was more than sure she was not gonna be back until long hours, and when i say that it’s quite late for her to begin her night, she says she knows, which is exasperating, but still said she will be home at 1, but not later.
I said i couldn’t wait and kept my phone aside. 1 came, and i got no texts.. Till 4. She got home and on the next morning i asked what have changed. She said i didn’t wait, so she decided to abuse her night out..
She did not address me such as a father when she asked permission to go out. She just told me on how she was gonna be away that night, and it was so okay for me. We were still discovering one another but gradually i felt like she was not the one.
But despite all she’s done, i strangely stayed, and i loved her.
Now, everyday passes, i get some peaceful thoughts of her and i smile on our good times together, but when i recall what she’s done to me, how she treated me and how she behaved on certain periods of our entire relation, i grow excessively cold and i curse those days i’ve spent with her.March 24, 2017 at 8:25 am #141485
I apologize. I must clarify.
She was 17 when we have first met. And we engaged into a long distance relationship.
On my side, i was calm and was usually home, making my way through school, while she, on the other hand, was more outgoing and sort of irresponsible.
Her mother apparently doesn’t mind it, but her father used to. Now he’s sick, and there is no man to supervise her, except me, which i still can’t do, cause i’m far away from her. It is essentially why i was very anxious about the relation. The fact that if anything happened, i would be incapable of dealing with it. Which is the breakup later on.
We only have spent nights together over chat, playing games and doing anything that’s enjoyable, but that never seemed, nor feeled to be enough. She still had to go out, and i knew it. I was just upset on how she does not know how to behave, and on how it feels like i’m giving her away for people to actually use her.
Trust me, i thought it was silly at first and i did not mind anything, but eventually my claims were true, and while i don’t necessarily regret allowing her to do certain things, or say things, i wish to not deal with all the pain i’ve been through.
She was 18 when she tried to move on, and i guess she was old enough to make decisions for herself, but they were wrong and not only i was betrayed, i had to befriend her and care for her cause she suffers from depression, which her partner didn’t do when he was with her.
My father has a similar mental attitude than mine, but still vastly different.
When one acts stupid around me, or when someone offends me, i don’t reply back, i simply turn cold and get stripped out of all emotions, and no one can trigger this apart from her, cause she’s the closest.
While it is best to leave me alone and provide me with time to get over my condition, she sticks with me after committing a certain act that upsets me cause she gets horrified over the notion that this might lead me to breaking up with her, especially when i have a valid reason for it.
I was nice to her, to her friends, her family and i came to agree on what contradicted my terms, only because i trust her, but that only led me straight to a road full of suffering and now i’m left resentful.
I’m sorry for employing bad words, but i find myself able to convey my hatred with those.March 22, 2017 at 4:30 pm #141287
It has always been the way i’ve seen it.
I could prefer engaging into anything over clubbing. Let alone being there with my loved one..
I found it pointless to teach her manners, or show her that clubs are not necessarily for her.
I did allow her to do whatever she wanted, as long as she kept herself safe, and avoided undesired consequences, which was mostly not the case everytime she went out. And yet, she still did it, so i’ve had enough of it.
I forgot to mention that this friend she had was in a past relation, and struggled to keep it. I gave her some advice and recommended her to be with him if he lost his girlfriend out of kindness to him, and trust in my girlfriend.
She claimed he was such a great guy, went on her first bike ride with him, slept at his place and done a couple of things that seriously disturbed me while i chose to ignore all of it and thought of not paying much attention.
Ultimately, i was the one who have lost his girlfriend, so she has probably been growing something for him all along our relation since i was distant.
When we broke up a year ago, which i’m still suffering from, she has done most of what i hate her for to this day.
While i was struggling to get her back and have her listen to me, she said she won’t be there for the night and inflicted overwhelming pain on me since she knows i could do nothing to prevent it.
“Lol, it was fun”
“We were 1h driving on bikes”
“Sorry gotta go now, have a great night, i won’t be there”
“I love you but you’re not gonna have me back” were things she used to say, without adding the slightest detail or telling me what exactly she’s up to.
I don’t exactly know when she has moved on, and done the act of kissing somewhen else while it was something i craved throughout our relation, but it was somewhen during those nights where i was in pain while she behaved like an absolute bit*h.
She refused to return to me, but she still asked for my presence. She has been with other people and god knows what she’s done or thought of, but it must’ve been enjoyable for her, since she’s done it, and destroyed someone during that process.
Destroying me or, responding to her personal desires that she restrained from as she was in a relation that no longer existed are both evil. The breakup made her get far away from me and jump on all those immoral activities that she knew i didn’t do.
When i got her back, she expressed regret, but if that was the case, was clubbing that essential again? What the fuck kept her from intending those places i find extremely wrong? And we made it so far that what actually happened before no longer seems to matter to her.
I never wish to make her feel regret everytime she sees me, but she might respect some of my insecurities and consider what she’s done.
She still does those things such as “going out now, love you, see you later” and it grow me fucking furious.
As time passed, i noticed that she soon went back to it, and haven’t changed anything. She has not helped me through anything when we got back together, and probably she thought i was too tolerant to actually ignore some things again, just like i did before, which i obviously don’t do. I just feel sick thinking of how dumb i was trying to be kind to others and letting her do her things while that led me to the worst experience till now.
There’s this sweet girlfriend that i absolutely love, and her alter ego that i despise and hold so much against, but i can’t set them apart. I fuse them both and treat her according to what she’s done to me once, without imitating it!March 21, 2017 at 7:47 am #140939
I’ve been concerned about her reason not to do it actually. It was why it didn’t work.
You definitely know her more than i do, but has she ever told you that she suffers from depression? Anxiety or any other mental obstacle?
She probably needed your help to make her first step, and progress with the relation.
As long as she seeked no other partner, then it’s safe to say that it was not you who was the problem.
I’m not saying this to make you feel culpable, but have you tried to speak to her? Have you pointed out your concerns and thought of guiding her rather than resolving your personal issues over helping her too?
It could be late to approach her with anything for the present time, but that does not prevent you from getting a profound understanding on her and the relation. She was your ex, and she still matters, no matter what you do.March 21, 2017 at 7:32 am #140933
It’s like i want her back.. But when i imagine that if that gets achieved, it would not necessarily make me happier.
It’s just that i miss her presence, even if it’s bothersome.
I will be getting used to it, i guess, but i still highly not tolerate clubs, especially after this experience.
Whoever goes out to those places would be sorta wicked.
Call me judgemental, but fun can be seeked elsewhere. It’s whether she lacked self esteem or she wanted to wander a little, which is insulting, but she still claims being faithful.
One more thing.
Is it permissible for any of your girlfriends to swim somewhere at night with her cousin along with other people who intend a so called event? I feel sick just visualising things, but at a certain extent, i blame myself.
Personally, it feels rational when i regard this as immoral but how do others view it? I believe that i have a sane set of morals what do you call that kind of conduct?
I did let many things pass and everytime i had to speak out, when i utterly had enough, she acted like i was overreacting and that i’m close minded for not letting her do anything, while i seriously withstood alot of “shit”March 20, 2017 at 1:41 pm #140843
One last question.
Do you wish to have her back, and see for yourself where it didn’t work, or do you wish to move on without saying any further word to her?
What i’m about to say next heavily depends on your answer, but both have favorable outcomes, so be assured.March 20, 2017 at 1:08 pm #140839
Has she ever expressed her love back? In any subtle way?