A little update on my situation.

Since I last posted I have quit church and I no longer play the organ there. (I no longer believe in Jesus Christ or God). I also had to attend a PIP assessment which seriously affected my mental stability at the time, and I recently discovered that the mobility component of my benefit has been withdrawn and I will have to live on less than I did before. As I type this my brother is in hospital after a serious operation, and I continue to experience bouts of depression, tactile hallucinations and other strange things in my body. I weep every day, have a growing addiction to painkillers, and generally mourn the passing of my old life.  I am about to admit defeat and see the doctor about my tactile hallucinations, though I will have to keep it a secret from my parents. (The last time I told them about the tactile hallucinations my father said he would expose me as a liar and my mother became physically ill).  I am also losing interest in my music and am contemplating selling my instruments.

I generally hate my life now.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser.