Forum Replies Created
September 6, 2019 at 3:01 pm #310699
I fully accept that I am turning into a complete arsehole. I never claimed to be anything different. I used to be a nice person many years ago. You would see me in photos and I was always happy and smiling. Then, in 2006 I entered what turned out to be a decade of absolute hell and my character changed. I tried to stop myself becoming an arsehole but the misery and suffering was unremitting. I felt that life was victimising me and it made me hard and bitter. Today I fell out with my mother over something that was very trivial but which was exacerbated by underlying bitterness and frustration at my rapidly deteriorating health. I am indeed an arsehole.
@rideeta: I try to distract myself all the time. I play the harp, write poetry, paint and compose music. My poor health is slowly destroying all these things. When chronic pain is at its worst, the pain signals that are sent to your brain results in a ‘brain fog’ which makes concentration very difficult. All I have left to express is anger.September 6, 2019 at 12:43 pm #310629
It depends if they are being an arsehole.September 6, 2019 at 11:55 am #310603
I agree. God is the biggest load of shit we ever invented as a species.July 29, 2019 at 3:14 pm #305583
TannhauserJuly 29, 2019 at 1:24 pm #305551
My parents aren’t overtly religious. In fact they rarely mention God. You don’t really notice the Catholic mind-worm when your young, in fact my experiences of Catholicism at school were largely positive. It’s only later, when you run into the difficult issues concerning sex that the problems crop up. Should you have the misfortune to read the Magisterium’s thought on such subjects, you’ll feel so dirty and worthless that it can actually cause suicidal ideation. I stopped testosterone medication because of this, that’s how much of an effect Catholicism still has on people’s lives. I just wasn’t allowed to be human.
My life was much better when I was a child, when God never entered my head. I believe religion and belief are forms of mental illness. The more you concern yourself with God in your mind, the more unhappy you become.
At the moment, I have never felt as unhappy in all my life, which is why I’m dumping spirituality for the sake of my sanity.
TannhauserJuly 28, 2019 at 3:30 pm #305385
I have decided to abandon all forms of spirituality, for I fear it is rotting my brain. I seem to be exhibiting all the classic signs of a grandiose delusion. I hate my parents for indoctrinating me into religion. It is their fault. I was a happier person before I was indoctrinated. I didn’t need God when I was a child. And I just accepted life as it was.
I hope that religion dies, for the sake of all the children of the world.
TannhauserJuly 27, 2019 at 8:50 am #305193
The problem with Christianity is that it is a religion of excuses. We make excuses for difficult parts of the Bible, for God’s erratic behaviour, or for the fact that the Bible is wrong about the nature of the Earth and the solar system. We also make excuses for the bad behaviour of so-called Christians with the immortal line: “the church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints”.
I am tired of the excuses. What this man has done has really hit me hard and I don’t think I will get over it. I will have to leave now, I’ve seen through it all.
TannhauserJuly 26, 2019 at 11:07 pm #305137
I do still play music in church, but I can’t see myself doing that for much longer. Thankfully I also play and compose music outside of church.
I still cannot fully grasp why this man made fun of me. As well as saying the Rosary every day at church, he also tends the shrine of Our Lady outside in the grounds. On the surface, he appears to be a model Christian, but obviously looks are deceptive.
TannhauserJuly 26, 2019 at 3:09 pm #305085
There was only me and him in the church porch. No one else was around.
But I am at least grateful to him for allowing me to see organised religion for what it truly is: a total sham. A delusion, along with that book of shit that goes by the name of the Bible.
I am now of the firm conviction that there is no God. I’ve been through too much and seen too many other people suffer and die slowly whilst on dialysis to believe in it all anymore. It is utter, utter crap. I’m done with it. How can we possibly believe in a God when there is nothing to measure such a thing by? There is no justice in this world. Therefore there is no God. Simple.
TannhauserJuly 26, 2019 at 12:09 pm #305057
He did it in the church porch with only the two of us present.
TannhauserJuly 26, 2019 at 11:27 am #305041
I didn’t say anything anita. I was just shocked. This man had spent the previous 20 minutes saying the Rosary along with everyone else. It clearly had no effect on him whatsoever.
TannhauserJuly 26, 2019 at 9:54 am #305015
My ‘Christian’ faith finally fell apart this afternoon. It was exacerbated by what happened yesterday. I am still involved with church, though I really want to leave if im honest. (I tried to leave before Easter but was given a rough time by my family for it.)
I have been doing the classic thing which many Christians do before they ultimately become complete atheists: I increased my devotional level to the max, going to weekday mass and saying the Rosary as well. Though it wasnt doing anything for me I tried to persevere……until yesterday when a so-called Christian made fun of the way I walk. (I have osteoporosis and curvature of the spine with a 26% risk of fracture). I stood open-mouthed in the church porch as he mimicked my gait, and I couldn’t understand why he was doing it. He was just being mean.
I have seen right through church like a pane of glass. It is all a sham. Some of the biggest arseholes I have come across in life have been connected with churches: mockers, scoffers, liars and paedophiles (two of the latter).
I’m officially faithless now.
TannhauserJuly 23, 2019 at 12:11 pm #304531
Thanks for your kind words anita.
From my perspective I have realised what an utter sham and a farce this life is, with people going around trying to fit the roles society expects from them, prostituting and prostrating themselves before the machine of Capitalism, in the hope they will be allowed to work so that they can continue as a cog in the capitalist system to prevent the loss of their home, car, spouse, or children’s education, and to be given the privilege of not starving to death. This life is not a dream, it is a terrible, terrible nightmare. A nightmare which can only be lived through by people who are totally unaware of it. This life is also NOT free. Ask any homeless person. Such people are unable to even wash in public toilets in case they are arrested or moved on by the police. They can’t even wash in the river because most of the land is privately owned.
My dysfunctions will always make me a burden and a nuisance to the capitalist system. And I will always think like that because they have convinced me that’s what the system thinks of me. The British Government has been hounding the sick and disabled for several years now. The British Government has put 8.000 sick and disabled people in their graves, stripped autistic children of their schools, removed free transport from children with cerebral palsy, and has deliberately made people homeless by putting them in arrears with their landlords. This is a disgusting world, and if ‘God’ created it, then He/She/It or whatever the fuck it calls itself, is truly evil.
TannhauserJuly 22, 2019 at 2:21 pm #304399
My life reads like a train wreck don’t it? But it’s all true, and I can’t argue with a single word you have said. In fact, your words almost brought me to tears. I try to live with this new reality, but I get nostalgic for the past.
If there is a divine being out there, and I strongly believe there might be, it does not want to be known. It has allowed several cognitive dissonances to come between it and humans. Firstly, there’s the question of belief itself, and then if you get past that, there is the dissonance between the divine being’s true nature and its false judgemental nature as espoused by religion. No wonder that there is an increase in atheism, it simply makes more sense not to tax the brain with dichotomies it need not bother with.
I am a big fan of Keane. They made some great albums. Tom Chaplin has a fantastic voice.
It’s true I started to create my own world, but of late I have just taken to retreating to the shed to paint and sketch. I still don’t know why I’m here; I still feel second class because I’m on benefits. I don’t suppose that feeling will ever go away. I also feel quite isolated at times. I wish I could meet with someone like yourself, but in this one-horse town, such a thing is practically impossible.
Thanks for your help.
TannhauserJuly 20, 2019 at 3:31 pm #304163
Why would I thank you? You offered nothing constructive or helpful to say, hence my abrupt reply. I didn’t need a lecture.
Play hardball and I will do the same.