September 6, 2019 at 10:32 am #310577
I sit here in unrelenting pain. Chronic pain is very distracting, but it does at least help you to see through the bullshit we delude ourselves with. One of these delusions is the idea of a caring, personal God who loves us. I can tell you with great certainty, no such being exists or has EVER existed. It is a mere invention. It is utter, utter nonsense. False hope is the very worst kind of hope. There is no saviour. The brutal truth is, if you cant save yourself its just too bad. Many people face overwhelming odds in their lives and just cant handle it. They end their lives. Where is this Jesus prick when people need him at the very worst moments of their lives? The answer is, he’s nowhere because he’s a total fabrication. He can only save people AFTER their dead, therefore hes a figment of our imagination. Jesus is a deceptive piece of shit, and his power is nothing, NOTHING!!!! in the face of pain’s ability to torment, torture and drive to despair.
I cant live like this anymore. Chronic pain is destroying my life. Fuck Jesus and his empty rhetoric.September 6, 2019 at 10:57 am #310587
Peter is a member here on tiny buddha who used to reply to people kindly, he was never hostile to anyone, always thoughtful in his replies, and clearly, he invested his time and sincere effort in replies to members, including to you. And yet, July 31 you wrote here about Peter: “Stop listening to dickheads like Peter”-
-Why, Tannhauser, why were you such a .. well, that word, to Peter? What has he ever done to you???
After that post by you, referring to Peter that way, he didn’t post again on tiny buddha. This makes me sad.
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 11:53 am #310597
“There is NO God”- I agree, but we can help each other act decently toward our fellow men and women, no?
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 11:55 am #310603
I agree. God is the biggest load of shit we ever invented as a species.September 6, 2019 at 12:06 pm #310613
Well, Tannhauser, we agree about one thing. Will you agree on a second thing: do not be rude to people who have done you no wrong???
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 12:43 pm #310629
It depends if they are being an arsehole.September 6, 2019 at 12:50 pm #310631
Peter was not an arsehole. I am not an arsehole, although there were times that I was and at times, well I almost am but I stop myself best I can. I will get better at it and I hope you aim at getting better at it as well.
First, make sure a person is an arsehole, don’t jump to that conclusion, pause and think before you react rudely.
And when you figure a person really is an arsehole, better come up with an original strong response that will deliver your message well and at the same time, not placing your own self in the arsehole category!
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 12:51 pm #310633rideetaParticipant
<i>I know that the pain is overwhelming and it will go away if you let yourself be.</i>
I am not sure if God exists or not. But maybe you can do things to make yourself calm and happy? Simple things like- art, cooking, a walk, talking to a loved one? Take one day at a time. And be good to others and yourself.
Here, we are to listen.
May you find peace and joy. I am so sorry you are going through this. May you be alright.September 6, 2019 at 3:01 pm #310699
I fully accept that I am turning into a complete arsehole. I never claimed to be anything different. I used to be a nice person many years ago. You would see me in photos and I was always happy and smiling. Then, in 2006 I entered what turned out to be a decade of absolute hell and my character changed. I tried to stop myself becoming an arsehole but the misery and suffering was unremitting. I felt that life was victimising me and it made me hard and bitter. Today I fell out with my mother over something that was very trivial but which was exacerbated by underlying bitterness and frustration at my rapidly deteriorating health. I am indeed an arsehole.
@rideeta: I try to distract myself all the time. I play the harp, write poetry, paint and compose music. My poor health is slowly destroying all these things. When chronic pain is at its worst, the pain signals that are sent to your brain results in a ‘brain fog’ which makes concentration very difficult. All I have left to express is anger.September 7, 2019 at 7:53 am #310731
Here’s a fact of life that I’m sure you are dying to hear. Better hear it before it’s too late, eh? Anger creates pain. I’ve been known to take people’s pain away with my hands or, sometimes, without my hands. I’m a regular little saviour and there are lots of other people in the world like me who work with people like you to save them from their pain. Thousands upon thousands of them.
PeggySeptember 7, 2019 at 8:32 am #310737
“I am indeed an arsehole”, you wrote.
I am aware of the great physical and emotional pain that you are in and have been for a long, long time. I wish this was not your experience. If a $1000 was all it took to remove all your pain for good, meaning not temporarily as when taking effective pain medication, but if that money was what it took to remove the physical causes of your pain, then I would pay it.
Now, regarding being an arsehole- did you notice that after each and every time that you have been an arsehole, it felt good for a little while but too soon you felt the same pain, no difference to you? I mean, month and years of occasional arseholeness and you are still in the same physical pain.
All that you do being an arsehole is causing pain to other people, so more people are in pain. When you hurt another person, that person is likely to hurt yet another person, and so the pain expands and expands and so is the evil in the world, the dysfunction and waste of lives.
If you mistreat yet another person here on this website, I will do all that I can to bring about your removal from this website- all that I can do and I hope other members will do so as well. This website needs to be an arsehole- free zone.
anitaSeptember 9, 2019 at 1:34 am #310963MichelleParticipant
A question – do you want to change?
I know you regularly post on here about your extreme pain and anger and resultant loss of faith. The anger at life not being fair and not following what you were taught to believe in. I think you are especially angry because you wanted to believe so badly in god – he was the one real hope you had left as a way out, as some help to get you through this and it let you down.
Now you see the reality and it scares you, expressed as anger and a need to try to remove others of their beliefs. As it happens, I do not believe in god either but I see no need to try to convince others of the same, in the same way I see no need to convince anyone of my beliefs. If something is true to you, it does not need other people to share it to validate it.
What matters is what “not being an arsehole” means to you. What kind of person do you want to be. What does a realistic ‘good life’ look like for you. The one thing that stays true in all people’s stories about coping with chronic pain is that accepting it as part of life, as part of your reality, is one of the hardest things to do but also one of the most liberating. Instead of beating up yourself/god/family/friends/anyone who will listen about the things you can’t do, focus on what you can. Celebrate each time you are able to paint or play something. Rest up as best as you can when you can’t. Learn the new limits of your body and work with them, instead of screaming against them.
Yes, this is going to sound like the proverbial ‘horse-shit’ to you I suspect. But read others stories, talk to others in similar situations. This is about accepting reality and learning what helps to cope best, what helps you be the best you in difficult circumstances. This is about accepting that loss of hope for a cure and releasing the anger at ‘why you’ and the let down of religion. It is what it is. Accept it, work with it. Pause for a second when you feel anger before being the arsehole – it has it’s time and place for sure but make it deliberate, not just your go-to reaction.
You continue to reach out on here for a reason and that reason is because you are angry – but deep down below that is pain and fear. There are plenty of people here who would still willingly try and help and support you through this. Something it sounds like would be a benefit in your life right now as it does not seem you have a lot of support. Your angry front will put off a lot of people – help them help you, help them see the real you, the one you want to be, the one that is still possible, despite everything.September 9, 2019 at 2:23 am #310971
I just wanted to say what an inspiring post you have just delivered to Tannhauser.
I don’t know why people insist on looking for God in the wrong place. If you can’t find him within yourself, you won’t find him anywhere. I read somewhere that “human” meant divine mind. We are all responsible for ourselves and our own actions / reactions and the angrier Tannhauser becomes, the more pain he creates for himself. He was rude to me once and is incapable of saying thank you.
On behalf of Tannhauser, I wish to thank you most sincerely for being an angel of light.
PeggySeptember 10, 2019 at 12:58 am #311189MichelleParticipant
Hi Peggy – wow, thank for that, very appreciated. Been a while since anyone’s likened me to anything angelic 😉
Let’s just hope it helps Tannhauser and we can support him through his pain.September 10, 2019 at 3:29 am #311207
Don’t know why – they’re not seeing what I am seeing.
Keep shining that light.