Hi Anita. I also wonder if she has jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire! There was a lot of similar personality traits (and not good ones!) between J. and her recent ex. But I think that she will put up with anything that J. does that she doesn’t like, including his depressive phases, because she has a roof over her head and his money to spend. So she will make the best of it, just as she did with the last partner, and her husband before that… until she finds someone she thinks is better than what she has right now, and then she will do the same thing again. I can’t help feeling very sorry for her and the way she depends on others for her own happiness, and how she thinks a man – any man – would be better than no man at all, or spending some time trying to find the right man, instead of just jumping in and hoping for the best. I suppose it all depends on what you are looking for in a partner. L. only has two – a man must have a house of his own that she can live in, and he must have money.

You are so right, appearances can be so deceiving. Before this happened, I would have said that L. and myself were so alike – I would have said we were like two halves of the same person. I would have said that our likes and interests were the same… we even dressed alike!  I now realise, of course, that L. was simply imitating me, liking the same things I did, and doing the same things I did, simply because she didn’t really have any likes or dislikes of her own, no personality, so to speak of. And an ultimate people pleaser as well. I know they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I was truly duped into believing that we were alike. I see now that it was just that she imitated everything I did, perhaps because she wanted to be like me. I wonder who she will take her cue from now?

I heard through the grapevine that L. and J. were attending the huge folk festivals last year. Now, I have always hated places that are too crowded, and I could never afford to go to these events, even if I did. Before this happened, L. would say the same thing, she hated them too, and for the same reasons! But now J. is paying for the tickets, it seems she can’t get enough of them. J. is ten years older than both of us, so around 70 years of age. He was struggling to keep up at the last small festival he tagged along to with us, I wonder how he is coping with that sort of pace?

Anyway, enough of all that! I have been practicing blocking those thoughts exactly the way you described and it seems to be working. 🙂 I have made a decision to say nothing at all to them, should we ever meet again. I sincerely hop that they do not come to the small festival that is the only one I go to each year! And every time I start to think, ‘I will say this to her, I will say that to him’ I block those thoughts. It’s getting easier every day, so thank you for the advice. I am determined to go to this festival again, although I have wondered at times, whether I should go, in case I bump into them. And then I thought, so what if I do? I shall just ignore them both.

*I have been hesitating about sharing any advice of my own with others on these threads.. but thought perhaps I could after all help others with their situations, as you have helped with mine. Thank you back! 🙂