Thank you Anita,

I Really do appreciate your response and did not even see that as a reason for the break up since it was petty. I don’t think that was it though and still feel like he was being pressured by his parents because he was very upset that they were not coming to the wedding. He was extremely stressed out about it. I on the other hand was not helpful by arguing with him and causing more stress. I really feel like I contributed to the break up as well. I am kind of in a place where I am unsure what his intentions are.

Today I picked up our dog so I can take him to the park before I moved all of my stuff out, just some clothes left. Btw the house is empty, this huge home has no feeling to it, only a couch a table and a tv with a stand. Everything else I took because it was my stuff. My ex was there and he approached me in a very kind way. He came up to me and hugged me and kissed me on the side of my head and said I love you. I hugged him back and told him I loved him as well. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and learning how the ego works. I also started meditations and watching a lot of spiritual videos and etc. I became aware that my anger came from my emotions/pain I felt which came from my thoughts.

I am learning to give love no matter what, no matter if this person caused me despair/pain. Because deep down I only feel love, not the anger and resentment , all of that arises from my ego.

I opened up to him and told him I can only give him love and that I care about him. I also told him that I Forgive him and that it was my commitment not just a feeling and that we are human and make mistakes. He said I know, I love you and you are my best friend. He said he did not mean the nasty things he said to me and that I can understand. He also said he understands that I was in pain and that is why I said certain things to him as well.

He did not say let’s get back together though, I still packed a few more boxes from the home and placed them in my car. He kissed me and said Inlove you and asked did I want to have sex because we got  very intimate in our conversation and it was deep and understanding. It felt so right. His eyes were shining bright and he had that smile he had for me before. He said wow cleaning the house takes a lot of work and idk if he tried to show me that now he sees that my job was not easy.

I told him I loved him and that sex with him was comfortable and that I would like that but wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. He said ok and that he didn’t want to pressure me, he said he loved me and that he felt like we both needed to release stress. We ended up having sex and it was great, we were intimate, he told me he loved me during sex which he always used to do. He hugged me close and told me that he is sad that we got to this point. He said that he doesn’t know what happened and how we got here. I told him there was some type of miscommunication on both ends and we were under stress plus our ego were taking over. Afterwords he made us steak salads and we ate. I told him I still believed we were meant to be because of the bond we have and our goals and etc. I advised him that my arms were open to him and not to doubt himself about contacting me if he decides he wants to try again. I told him I hope that I still feel the same during that time but I also said maybe we need some time apart. He says he agreed, and he says maybe a year maybe less, he said he did not know. He just knew that he loved me and he is saddened by the fact that we came to this point.

I took the dog with me and Inleft, Before leaving he said I love you drive safe and be careful and kissed me.

This felt like the guy I knew, it felt so magical like we were on the same energy level again. It was right and comfortable. Since the incident dues to stress (assuming) my heart has been literally hurting/physical pain.Today while I was with him and things went well, my heart did not hurt at all.

Idk, people tell me that I am stupid but I feel like  I Know who he is and how much we love each other. I feel like their egos and their anger are upset for me. Maybe I am just weak and my love for him is in the way, but I can’t deny that I love him.

I feel like he is ashamed of what he did, the way he did and why he did it. I feel like he is ashamed to even try again,so he is confused. Because it was so sudden, I left the house and slept on my friends couch for weeks until Infound a place and slept on a blow up mattress and ate off of it until I moved my furniture. He also took my car off of his insurance (I was paying him) when a new month started, he did allot of things but I feel like he was hurt and angry and had resentment toward me because Of my actions. I don’t hate him, blame him or resent him. Initially I Tried because of my pain, but I couldn’t. I love him even though this happened and I actually feel bad for him. I feel like he got to the highest level of stress and anxiety that he blew up.

Please share your thoughts on this, Thanks!