Forum Replies Created
October 20, 2018 at 12:21 pm #232285
You guys he contacted me again…
This time he called once, I didin’t pick up. He called again I honestly thought the worst and that maybe something was wrong so I picked up. It’s been over 1.5 years and now he calls me. About 6 weeks ago he sent me a message if you see my post from earlier asking me about some mail. I never responded to the text and have been in no contact for 1.5 years.
I answered “hello” and he said ”heyyyy” and i said “who is this?” Even though I knew who it was. He said “ what you don’t recognize my voice anymore” so I said “ please don’t call this number ever again” & hung up.
& I ended up sending him a message immediately saying “FYI if you get any more mail of mine (since he inquired 6 weeks ago if I wanted him to send me my benefits mail) please forward it to ….(my work address) “ since he knows where I work.
He responded and said “ ok will do and I was just checking to see how you are and hope you’re well, take care”
He wants to creep back into my life wth!!! He is pretending like he didin’t leave me before the wedding. I dont understand what he wants & why all of a sudden is he checking up on me when he didin’t care for my well being during our break up. Like how does he have the audacity?
I feel like he definitely realizes he will never find another girl like me. I treated him well, what was mine was his, I cooked, I cleaned, I ran errands for the house all by myself, I also worked full time and was hitting the gym 5-6 times a week. I kept up with a lot and he couldn’t stand up for our love after his parents said they were not going to the wedding.
6 years of my life wasted on that fool.
I am so much stronger now and I honestly don’t think I love him anymore.October 5, 2018 at 8:43 am #229207
Wow it all sounds so familiar. It’s crazy how similar the actions of these guys are. I can tell you my ex did the same thing, he started blaming me for the break up, he said it was all because of our arguments in the past and my actions LOL! When in fact he didin’t let me go when I wanted to leave. This was all when my intuition was still working but then he made me feel like I was wrong for being sensitive and over reacting. I’ve come to realize he was gas lighting me the entire time. Look it up, that’s what your ex is doing to make you feel like you are wrong and that you are flawed when in fact it’s him.October 4, 2018 at 3:32 pm #229087
I’ve posted numerous times in the past year in a half and have had many moments where I have cried in my car, at home, in bed and etc. Eventually at some point you stop crying so much, eventually you face it but it takes a long time. I’m not going to tell you that it’s not hard because it is. I still struggle from time to time and I still wonder how he got the guts to do that to me, so you will too. You will ask the same questions over and over and try to rationalize. It’s so hard to understand his actions and why he did what he did. At some point we have to stop repeating the past in our heads and look into the future. I’m hoping you heal from this as fast as possible and I hope one day both of us come back to this forum and laugh at our posts when we are happily married. I hope we reach that goal one day but with time and belief I’m sure we will. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well and keep yourself busy. The more you sit and dwell on things it really messes with your mind… been there and still fall in that hole from time to time. The key is to dig yourself out of that hole. Keep us posted… have a good day/night!
If you’re e we in CA let me know!
Be safe <3October 4, 2018 at 9:58 am #228999
I don’t think that it’s a good idea to send the e-mail and here is why… He is very well aware of how unfair, sneaky and terrible of a person he was. Sending him that e-mail would show him even more that he hurt you deeply and that you care. It’s unfortunate but some people get satisfaction watching or knowing other people suffer emotionally because of them. They feel powerful. Please remember that you lived happily before him and you will after him. Just think of it this way, if he can live without you then you can live without him. The fact that he hurt you so much and treated you terribly after all this happened shows that something is wrong with his reality and his emotions. It shows that he doesn’t care. Sometimes we think that the person was our true love because they treated us so well but in reality that was maybe the best treatment we have had and we think that’s all their is but in reality there is so much better. You will survive this and get through this pain. He is not worth your tears!
Love ove you too!October 3, 2018 at 4:28 pm #228907
In my opinion I wouldn’t answer the calls and I would cut all of communication with him. I say this because if I could go back in time and take some stuff back that I did such as cry, express my deep love to my ex, intercourse, asking him was he sure, basically begging and trying to understand why he made such a choice I wouldn’t have done it look back in hindsight. The reason I say this is because you show him you are available to him, you show him that even if he treats you bad you are there and “can’t” see your life without him. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Trust me he knows how you feel and he knows what he did to you. If anyone should be spilling their feelings, it should be him. He is the bad guy in this situation and by telling him how you feel it will only boost his ego and you’ll be putting him on a pedestal. From experience I say don’t answer any calls, don’t send emails, don’t answer texts. This gives you some points and you have some power once you don’t respond. As soon as you respond the ball is in his court once again. He doesn’t deserve you because he is not a good man.October 2, 2018 at 2:35 pm #228695
I just want to tell you to stay strong. I read your post and our stories are very similar. I read how you are feeling and the fact that you can’t understand how someone that showed you they loved you so much and told you they couldn’t see their life without you just flipped the switch on you suddenly. I’ve asked myself the same question multiple time and unfortunately do not have a confirmed answer but one thing I can tell you is he probably did not show it but he thought it out before he made the decision to end it. He never showed it but he evaluated the situation and went over it before he came to the decision. He did not just make the decision, he did it behind your back without showing it and talking to you.
I know how painful this is, but realize that this man never truly meant what he said and his feelings fa were “conditional” while yours were unconditional. He is a “fake” and god or higher power removed him from your life because you deserve better. Everything happens for a reason is a good way to look at it. Even though you don’t see it now, there is a reason for everything.
Sending you positive energy and healing. Over time the intensity of the pain fades and I am sure the more time that passes eventually our pain will subside completely.
Remember one thing though, you can forgive but never forget how he treated you and that he left you. He wants you to be in his life secretly, that’s my opinion but don’t fall that low, you are so much better and you deserve a man that will stand up for you and love you regardless of other people’s opinions.October 1, 2018 at 7:46 pm #228531
I am sorry that you are going through that as I know how painful it is. I want to tell you that I understand you completely and that I wish I can give you great advice, but the only thing I can tell you is to keep moving forward. Cry it out, let it out but do not take steps back. Don’t reach out to him, because if he wanted to he could’ve made things right. He loves his mom more than you!
He is not a man, he is a spineless coward who allowed his mothers beliefs influence the relationship between you and him. One thing I can tell you is pray, hope, be active, do everything that you always wanted to do but did not get a chance and you will find joy in something.
I try to think positive and believe that the higher power has a much better pogo remain and that is why everything happened, you should try to think the same. Also realizing that the false beliefs we have about love and our expectations are what disssapoint is. If we don’t expect certain things then we won’t be disappointed.
You expected him to love you and stand up for your relationship, which cause you to feel disappointed and betrayed. Same goes for me.
Try to find happiness within yourself, I’ve been doing that and I’m understanding little by little that I have everything I need within myself. Having a partner to love/to love me is extra.
Keep your head up and try to accept it, no more hope. Hope also causes pain.
Hope you get though this, it will be a long journey but keep fighting.
Hope to hear from you soon!August 21, 2018 at 4:07 pm #222443
Received a text from my ex fiancé over a year and 4 months have passed since I moved out and ignored his attempts of keeping communication with me. He stopped with the texts it’s been over a year and now this…
Hi … how are you? I received a statement of yours from …. I guess it’s for your retirement benefits. Let me know if you want me to send it to you. Hope your well !!! His name
How did he get the nerve to text me? This man is a spineless coward and you would think he would at least be aware that he nuked all of the bridges between him and me. He and his family disgust me.August 3, 2018 at 3:05 am #220127
I just want this paid, disappointment, betrayal and these nasty hurtful feelings to disappear forever. It’s been so long and I still feel stuck.
I am mich better then before but it’s been a year and a half and I am still seeking answers and praying, even though I know my “why’s” don’t even matter. I just want to see the light.. at times I feel like I’m close but then the feelings kick in. I’m not even sure if I’m doing it do myself with the thoughts or I still have actual buried feelings. I miss my dog too and will never forget him. He was my baby.
I just sont don’t understand why this happened to me and why the person I trusted so much and beloved would never hurt me ended up causing me so much pain.
I had had to vent somewhere.
Thanks for understanding.March 10, 2018 at 8:28 am #196645
Hi, you are right, it was him. He had a choice, the ball was in his court no one could have made him do what he did. I am disgusted thinking that I allowed myself to love a person like him, someone who could hurt a person so cruelly without a reason and so unexpectedly. He bombarded my spirit at a time where I was happy, happy in my mind to marry someone I loved. To just leave a young female in a big city where she has no family, and treat her like a piece of garbage for no reason. He lured me into his life and tried to destroy me at the end. I can’t believe what a monster he is and that I lived with this person for 3 years and was going to marry him.
I have not fully recovered from this incident that occurred in my life. I still have questions, I feel stuck. Some days I get sad, some days I wonder and other days I feel sick to my stomach. There are days where I am happy but I have lost the desire to be in love, to give someone a chance and to trust anyone again. I trusted him with my life and I would’ve bet anything that he was never going to let me down, but he did.
I have not dated or been with anyone in a year, I haven’t even been on a date. I have been in school furthering my career, working, went on a few trips and that is pretty much it. I needed this time to heal, and even though I know it is time for me to move on completely and give someone a chance, I feel stuck, I feel sick and have no inspiration when it comes to relationships. I do have days where I feel like I need intimacy with someone, but most days I would rather be alone.May 9, 2017 at 5:07 am #148625
Hello, hope all is well. I just wanted to update my story and see what you think.
The first text I received as I wrote above, he asked about the backpack, flashlight and an umbrella. I did not respond or send it to him. I feel like he just wanted a response and also to control me because it has been boosting his ego. Also I did not send his items back because they are literally worth maybe 20 bucks all together and I left plenty of things at the house for him. Also I did not want to give him that satisfaction of bringing the items to him or mailing them because he would think that I still care about his opinion/ views. I did not respond or send him the items.
I received another text a week later saying “when you drop off the backpack, flashlight and umbrella can you include the spare house key and mailbox key”. Seriously? It’s not that he wants the keys back because he thinks I will go into the home because if thats the case I can make spares. I think its because he wanted a reaponse from me. I did not respond. I also did not mail anything, it’s so stupid.
Next message I receive is about 10 days after that one saying “Happy Birthday hope you are well and take care”. No mention of the backpack and etc. anymore. Now he is saying happy b-day? It makes no sense. I believe he wanted a reaction again. I did not respond and don’t plan on.
Next message I receive is 10 days after the birthday one. He heard that a car crash occured at the place I work at. He saw it on the news and did not know if I was involved. He texted me saying “Heard about the crash last night are you ok”.
two hours after that text I received 2 blocked number calls. I never receive blocked number calls, its been years. The following day I receive another call from a blocked number.
I did not respond or answer to any of these messages or calls.
I am doing better, I have my bad days and good days. I am still confused and have no answers for his actions. All I know is that he was very selfish, cruel, disrespectful and ignorant. I feel betrayed and used, I feel dissapointed and I don’t trust him.
My heart still loves him deep down and I miss my dog dearly. But his actions are confusing. Why is he contacting me? Does he just want attention or does he really care and does not know how to approach me and start a convo?
I know what he did is unforgivable and terrible. I don’t want to love him anymore, I don’t want to give him a chance. I am afraid that if he is persistent that I will give in. The question is if he asks for forgiveness and wants to get back together, is it even worth it? What he did is so terrible, I know I should move on but what if he tells me the truth that he lost it and was going through a rough time and he made the wrong decision because of his parents. I am confused on what I would do. Eveyone tells me that I need to move on and never get back with him because he was not man enough and acted like a crazy person.
I just don’t know why he keeps texting me, but he changed his approach as you see. Now he is acting nice and caring instead of asking for the backpack.
Thank you!April 11, 2017 at 6:13 pm #144635
Thank you, you are absolutely right. He broke it off regardless of the reasons. I am just having a hard time accepting that, accepting the way things happened. It was out of nowhere. It was a shock to me and my system.
It seems to me like he wants to maintain contact and possibly use me. Since we were intimate twice after the break up I feel like he wants to continue to use me for sex because he has the emotional attachment with me. A week ago I signed the needed paperwork for the house and left him with a “take care”. He said to me “hold on let me give you a hug” as I walked away from him and said “no hugs”. I got in my car and left it at that. I don’t plan on ever talking to him again and I don’t want to ever see him again.
He texted me 30 mins after asking about his “umbrella and a backpack” that I have with me that is his. These things cost maybe 20 bucks, I have left a huge safe a grill and other items at the house for him because I could not bring them with me. I don’t know if he is actually being petty or is trying to find reasons to talk to me and see if I respond. I did not respond, but got another message from him 6 days after that one saying “when You drop off or mail the backpack and flashlight can You include the spare house key and spare mailbox key”. He is seriously out of his mind, he can make new keys and he does not need that backpack and flashlight, they are small petty items. I truly believe he just wants a response from me. I did not respond and don’t plan to. I don’t plan on mailing him those petty items either because it’s just so stupid. There are several items at the house I left and he is using.
What do you think about this? This is coming from a 34 year old man that has a very serious job.
Thanks so much!April 8, 2017 at 12:55 pm #144201
You are right. He was most likely stressed about the money. But I do not believe that it was the only reason. I truly believe it was his parents that split us apart and that he was not strong enough to stand up to them. After they said they were not coming to the wedding, he had gotten into fights with them and stopped talking to them for a few days.
He eventually stopped communicating with me and was quiet. I felt like something was wrong but I never imagined it would bring us to a breaking point. He loved me very much and I never even thought that he would leave my side. He was the kind of person that never gave up on me and always wanted to talk about our problems.
Something happened that day, he said the words I never wanted to hear and he did not even want to try. It was like he knew there is no going back and fixing the issues. His decision was set in stone. He blamed it on me and his feelings as I mentioned before but not the real reason “his parents”.
I was so shocked, I lived with him 3 years, we had a dog and a house, we had planned for kids in the near future and other life goals. We had a visual of us growing old together. But he made that sudden decision 2 weeks after his parents said they weren’t coming to our wedding.
It’s hard to move on from this. I can’t understand how he had the guts to do this to me after all I had sacrificed. I don’t understand how a person can’t stand up for the person they love at the age of 34. How could he not see that he has to live his life the way he wants to and not what his parents want for him. He always told me I was the only girl he loved and that he would never leave me, but I guess he never thought about the possibility if it was me or his parents who would he chose. He chose them because they forced him to chose. I don’t understand why though, I did nothing to them. I treated them with respect and loved them. I guess they saw that he was arguing with them and they were losing control over him. What kind of parents are those? I am an emotional roller coaster, I feel pain, hurt, sorrow, confusion but I have hope somewhere deep down. It is so hard, so hard to look at my ring, wedding dress, pictures and think about the memories and the future we had planned and now feel down. We were perfect for each other but his parents split us up. Ultimately it was his decision and I really feel and know that he will regret this and realize what he allowed to happen.
I am alone in this city, I have never been alone but I am fighting every day. The fact that he left me alone in this city that I came to because of him and went through the struggles to find a job and worked hard to get to where I am now saddens me. It saddens me because I could never leave someone I love the way he left me. I know he loves me but Inguess not enough.
I want ant to move on, I don’t want to hurt and feel this pain anymore. I am aware that Inhave to go through it and not around it but at certain times it’s so draining and real. I feel the pain physically. I want to find a good man and marry and have kids. I don’t want to love my ex anymore. I have numerous thoughts going through my head that Inmight never find what we had with someone else and that I might never get married and have my own family.
My friends and family tell me that I have the characteristics that are very rare to find, that I give unconditional love to the people Imlove, that I fight for what I believe in and yes it is true but I feel like the way I am is causing me to feel used and in pain. It seems like everyone takes advantage of that, I ask myself should I change and stop being so giving.
I know what I need to do and I am slowly doing it and getting through each day but at times I feel stuck and think that I will never get over what he did to me.
I know deep down that he will look for me one day and realize what he has lost and who but I don’t want to love him anymore.April 1, 2017 at 7:35 pm #143275
Thank you Anita,
I Really do appreciate your response and did not even see that as a reason for the break up since it was petty. I don’t think that was it though and still feel like he was being pressured by his parents because he was very upset that they were not coming to the wedding. He was extremely stressed out about it. I on the other hand was not helpful by arguing with him and causing more stress. I really feel like I contributed to the break up as well. I am kind of in a place where I am unsure what his intentions are.
Today I picked up our dog so I can take him to the park before I moved all of my stuff out, just some clothes left. Btw the house is empty, this huge home has no feeling to it, only a couch a table and a tv with a stand. Everything else I took because it was my stuff. My ex was there and he approached me in a very kind way. He came up to me and hugged me and kissed me on the side of my head and said I love you. I hugged him back and told him I loved him as well. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and learning how the ego works. I also started meditations and watching a lot of spiritual videos and etc. I became aware that my anger came from my emotions/pain I felt which came from my thoughts.
I am learning to give love no matter what, no matter if this person caused me despair/pain. Because deep down I only feel love, not the anger and resentment , all of that arises from my ego.
I opened up to him and told him I can only give him love and that I care about him. I also told him that I Forgive him and that it was my commitment not just a feeling and that we are human and make mistakes. He said I know, I love you and you are my best friend. He said he did not mean the nasty things he said to me and that I can understand. He also said he understands that I was in pain and that is why I said certain things to him as well.
He did not say let’s get back together though, I still packed a few more boxes from the home and placed them in my car. He kissed me and said Inlove you and asked did I want to have sex because we got very intimate in our conversation and it was deep and understanding. It felt so right. His eyes were shining bright and he had that smile he had for me before. He said wow cleaning the house takes a lot of work and idk if he tried to show me that now he sees that my job was not easy.
I told him I loved him and that sex with him was comfortable and that I would like that but wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. He said ok and that he didn’t want to pressure me, he said he loved me and that he felt like we both needed to release stress. We ended up having sex and it was great, we were intimate, he told me he loved me during sex which he always used to do. He hugged me close and told me that he is sad that we got to this point. He said that he doesn’t know what happened and how we got here. I told him there was some type of miscommunication on both ends and we were under stress plus our ego were taking over. Afterwords he made us steak salads and we ate. I told him I still believed we were meant to be because of the bond we have and our goals and etc. I advised him that my arms were open to him and not to doubt himself about contacting me if he decides he wants to try again. I told him I hope that I still feel the same during that time but I also said maybe we need some time apart. He says he agreed, and he says maybe a year maybe less, he said he did not know. He just knew that he loved me and he is saddened by the fact that we came to this point.
I took the dog with me and Inleft, Before leaving he said I love you drive safe and be careful and kissed me.
This felt like the guy I knew, it felt so magical like we were on the same energy level again. It was right and comfortable. Since the incident dues to stress (assuming) my heart has been literally hurting/physical pain.Today while I was with him and things went well, my heart did not hurt at all.
Idk, people tell me that I am stupid but I feel like I Know who he is and how much we love each other. I feel like their egos and their anger are upset for me. Maybe I am just weak and my love for him is in the way, but I can’t deny that I love him.
I feel like he is ashamed of what he did, the way he did and why he did it. I feel like he is ashamed to even try again,so he is confused. Because it was so sudden, I left the house and slept on my friends couch for weeks until Infound a place and slept on a blow up mattress and ate off of it until I moved my furniture. He also took my car off of his insurance (I was paying him) when a new month started, he did allot of things but I feel like he was hurt and angry and had resentment toward me because Of my actions. I don’t hate him, blame him or resent him. Initially I Tried because of my pain, but I couldn’t. I love him even though this happened and I actually feel bad for him. I feel like he got to the highest level of stress and anxiety that he blew up.
Please share your thoughts on this, Thanks!March 31, 2017 at 3:27 pm #143123
Hi Anita thank you so much,
So the previous arguments were about his parents belittling me and my family. Also making statements like “why did you buy this or that for the house”, they intruted into our financial status, he told them basically everything about me and what i pay for and my student debt and they would mantion how it’s not good to have debt and how that needs to be taken care of first vs. other things.
Our personal arguments were in reference to house chores, he would conplain how I did not help him with the outise chores and I would conplain how he did not help me with the inside chores. Besides that I would get upset at him because of his attitude and his actions/what he said to me( this was right after I moved in with him and left my job and everything) and I tried to pack my bags twice and he stopped me. I admit that I was hot headed and also going through a lot because I was home sick, left my career and did not have a job at the time.
We always talked about our arguments and resolved them. After these incidents I never packed my bags but I wanted to go out for a walk after an argument and once to a hotel room to clear my head. He stopped me everytime and every time we talked about why we were both upset and etc.
We hadnt had an argument get to that in over a year, our arguments were about chores and finances, he loves to save every penny and I liked to life comftorbly. He would turn the heat off in the winter and I wohld be cold and I would turn it back on. When i first moved in with him he would not flush the toulet after urinating, “trying to keep the water bill down”. I flushed and I told him that I was not gonna live like that, we werent struggling at all in regards to money.
He is 34 and I am 27, he would not wanna plan/do anything fun. We only went out to eat and mostly at like regular restaurants nothing fancy or a dinner date. All he did was watch tv, play video games and he recently started playing golf. He recently played video games for hours a day. He never made any plans to take me anywhere. If we went somewhwerw it was because I planned it. I suggested many places I woukd like to go see and he never even looked into it.
I was basically a house wife on top of working 10 hrs a day plus commuting 2 hours. He worked 6 hours a day and commuted 1 hr total. He never ever made dinner for me or anything. Plus my job was physically more demanding then his. On top of that I worked midnights because I had no senority yet.
I admit that I was not perfect and that I had bad days but he was all i had and I loved him unconditionally. I always apologized if I was wrong and tried to work on my flaws. I cooked and when we were home together I would serve him first with a hot plate then I would make myself a plate. I really loved him and cared for him. He was kind to me as well, he would pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners at times, he would feed the dog and he would tell me kind words. He recently started acting different, he would say things like you will pay the bill for electricity because I had turned the heat on. And he would say that he does everything and that i dont do much reffering to chores. 3 weeks before we broke up he was very distant, as I mentioned he played video games a lot! From like 4 pm to 9-10 pm. He said he was tired for sex. He seemed very depressed and I even mention it to him that he appeared depressed to me. He said he wasn’t.
It is weird, this whole thing the way it played out does not make sense.
Also the initial reasons for him breaking it off were like this after he said he can’t come to the wedding if his parents are not there and I got so mad and said ok let me know so i can find a roomate because obviously our status will change.
1. He came home the following day, rushed in and said in a trembling voice, not looking at me, in his entire work outfit and shoes “i dont think we are meant to be together”, i had an anxiety attack my world was crushed his reasoning was “I love you but this gut feeling is not going away and I dont think we are compatible”
2. Two weeks later (I had left and told him I need a few days it to contact me), he contacted me and I did not reapond, when I came back he said “I wasnt sure if I made the right decision but you proved to me that i did” meaning my no response/actions were wrong
3. A few days passed and now the new line was “i am not in love with u but i care for u”
4.after seeing that I could not accept the reasons he was giving me he said “i dont love you anymore”
I feel as you said that he is trying to find something to justify his decision and that he is pushing me away further with the words, but idk why.
He has always been a thoughtful person and never makes sudden/impulsive decisions. He stormed in that day like he had developed courage to say those words and he did not even want to try to work it out. He refused counseling and said i dont think it will help.
I truly believe his parents gave him an ultimatum. There is no logic behind his actions.