Home→Forums→Relationships→He left me for his Parents
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October 4, 2018 at 11:02 am #229017MichelleParticipant
Risha – I want to give you a virtual hug as I realized we have another thing in common … we both lost our fathers. I know that’s not easy and, in my situation, made me accepting of things that I shouldn’t have been. I had been alone for awhile and then lost my dad to cancer. The next guy that came along (my ex) got me at just the right stage of vulnerability. I like to hope he wasn’t so cruel as to use that to his advantage but I can’t discount it. Some people are just not good. Where there may have been moments of happiness and genuine love between us (like you with your ex), I ultimately feel these people were just not good.
I hope in both instances they feel the shame of their actions for the remainder of their days.
October 4, 2018 at 11:14 am #229019SomeoneParticipantDear Risha
I just read your post. I don’t know exactly how to console you because you just cannot forget love that easily. But I think if you really move to some other place , it is going to be helpful. And please talk to people. We cannot talk to the OFFLINE friends of ours most of the time as they are busy and happy with their lives. But WE are here for you. The ONLINE friends. We will walk the path together and I pray all your pains go away very soon and you be the best of yourself. I pray your mind can learn from this and make you a very strong person and a happy one too.
Best regards
Someone
October 4, 2018 at 11:31 am #229037rishaParticipantHi Anita,
If I do send that email to his GF and parents i dont think it would matter to them bcoz i know for sure that his parents must be on top of the moon to know that my chapter is closed finally. On the other hand i dont think it will matter to that girl as well coz i feel shes looks so happy with him and enjoying every moment. As per him shes aware of his 7 year affair with me n the reason why he left me. I dont know how far its true but shes ok with that. So whatever i say wouldnt matter to her coz now he belongs to her.
Also Anita I have done enough for people. I always did good to the others i never gave priority to myself. So Im tired of taking care of others by risking my own life. Lesson learnt from this relationship is to hold on to what u want no matter what. So let her enjoy everymoment. He might be faithful for her at least.
Risha
October 4, 2018 at 11:48 am #229047AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
I understand. And so, you are ready to move on, having forgiven him, content with not having any future communication to him or from him?
I do hope you are ready. From personal experience, I know the way forward is not smooth, not without bumps. I hope you post again anytime you come across a bump in the way. I will be glad to reply, anytime you post, if you want me to.
I will be back in about sixteen hours, be good to yourself!
anita
October 4, 2018 at 11:52 am #229051rishaParticipantHi Michelle,
Thank you very much for ur hug at the right time.
Im so sorry to learn about ur father. I knoe the pain and how u re feeling. Yes we do share lot of similarities of course.
He always told that he would take care of me like my father. He even tells me that when he came to my fathers funeral he promised my dad that he would take carw of me till the end n would never leave me.
But the day he told me about his proposal he said i have to sorry to ur dad and ask him to forgive me coz i couldnt take care of u as i promised to him
He himself made promises n he himself broked it when its convenient to him.
Anyway i know he did truly love me but somewhere down the line he changed for his and his family’s benefits.
So i really dunno i hope n pray God will protect these kind of people not to make any mistakes.
Thanks again Michelle. I will write to u soon take care
Risha
October 4, 2018 at 12:01 pm #229059rishaParticipantDear someone,
Thanks for reading my post and im touched by ur words yes u re absolutely right about the offline friends they re of course busy with their own lives.
Yes i want to move out from my workplace and also to a totally different place. I hope everything will work well.
Yes forgetting ur love is very difficult and when u end up a long relationshio thats even more hard. Im trying my best to be strong. And im glad i found few online friends who could console me.
Thanks again for ur advise n kind words. Keep in touch take care !
October 4, 2018 at 12:22 pm #229063rishaParticipantYes Anita I am trying my best to move on and I will do my best not have any contacts with him. Its not easy at all. Knowing he has totally firgotten me and enjoying his moments with his new Gf it hurts a lot like i feel terribly lost.
But im trying my best to be strong. All of u have been a great help to me. And the only other person who could help me is my God. He will definetely give me the strength.
Risha
October 4, 2018 at 3:32 pm #229087BubbaParticipantI’ve posted numerous times in the past year in a half and have had many moments where I have cried in my car, at home, in bed and etc. Eventually at some point you stop crying so much, eventually you face it but it takes a long time. I’m not going to tell you that it’s not hard because it is. I still struggle from time to time and I still wonder how he got the guts to do that to me, so you will too. You will ask the same questions over and over and try to rationalize. It’s so hard to understand his actions and why he did what he did. At some point we have to stop repeating the past in our heads and look into the future. I’m hoping you heal from this as fast as possible and I hope one day both of us come back to this forum and laugh at our posts when we are happily married. I hope we reach that goal one day but with time and belief I’m sure we will. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well and keep yourself busy. The more you sit and dwell on things it really messes with your mind… been there and still fall in that hole from time to time. The key is to dig yourself out of that hole. Keep us posted… have a good day/night!
If you’re e we in CA let me know!
Be safe <3
October 4, 2018 at 4:11 pm #229089MichelleParticipantThis is the power of the internet. Three strangers – Risha, Bubba and myself – get to connect over a shared experience that we may have thought wasn’t common. This is powerful. I wish strength to you both and anyone else going through something like this.
October 4, 2018 at 8:21 pm #229115rishaParticipantHi Bubba, how long have it been since you broke up? “I have cried in my car, at home, in bed and etc. Eventually at some point you stop crying so much” – this is so true how much I post I will be strong I find myself end up crying. Its really stressful to go thru this no matter how much I feel to forget it looks very hard.
Today I was wondering if its my fault as well coz for the last one year I haven’t showed much affection to him and I tried pushing him away and wanted to stop this because our relationship was not leading anywhere. I wanted him to stand up for me and get things done. But he never gave up on me he came after me forcefully but did nothing to get settled though. So now he claims that he moved out bcoz of his parents and also bcoz I pushed him away. In fact he has posted a video on social media about how it feels when one has been rejected in a relationship and now he feels he has concurred everything in life in result of this rejection. I felt as if he’s trying to pass the ball into my court as if its my fault and he’s trying to make up his mind.
I actually had my reasons to push him away but now I am wondering wether its my fault? Did I open the door and show him the way to move out? is that what has happened. I don’t know why this came to my mind in the morning. Even if I had not pushed him still there wont be a solution coz he would never convince his parents and we will be continuing the relationship by fighting with each other.
Either way I know this relationship was complicated and we both couldn’t find a solution but finally he decided to leave me by cheating me and that’s how he wanted to end up I guess and that was his solution not to convince his parents instead to please them by hurting me and leaving me for another person for their own benefits. But if he truly loved me and wants me in his life when I met him for the last time he could have accepted me but he lied to me on my face and called me and told me he cannot do anything and he has to stick to the person whom his parents would approve.
I am totally still confused, sad, hurt, depressed, etc and nothing seems to be working in favour of me.
I know its not ok to keep evaluating as what happened and why it happened coz the end result is he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. But my stubborn heart is not letting me accept the truth.
Yes Michelle I am sad to know what you and Bubba have gone through in life but I am glad I found you’ll to share the same experience. Even Anita I know what you went through too. Hugs to all of you.
Risha
October 4, 2018 at 10:16 pm #229125rishaParticipantHi All,
He came to my office today and was standing out of my room and peeping at me twice he figured that I saw him and he walked out. Thereafter he went back to his office and again called me on my office phone. I didn’t answer.
I don’t understand his Drama. If he had to say something he could have told me when he came to my office. Why do you think he’s behaving this way? Its really hard to make up mind. If he has moved he should keep quiet without disturbing. This is something that he always did whenever I avoided me he somehow comes and gets friendly this way. but now the story is different he has another woman and he has moved out. So why bother to even come and see me. Is he feeling sorry for me?
Risha
October 5, 2018 at 1:30 am #229129HoneyBlossomParticipantHugs Risha,
Quite a few years ago, I was in a relationship of 7-8 years with a man who showed himself to be extremely dishonest. I caught him cheating on me red-handed. I think he did many selfish things and constantly needed attention. I felt so hurt and traumatised at the end of that relationship. I too went into the relationship not long after my father died.
Its been quite a few years now, and I truly thank God that I did not marry him, or worse – have children with me.
After the relationship ended, and he had burnt more bridges with more wonen, he tried to worm his way back into my life. Dont be surprised if your ex tries this too. Fortunately, when this happened, I just felt so grossed out by things he had done, that I wouldnt let him back in my life. My life has turned out so much better without him. Yours will too.
Forgive yourself for sprnding that timr with him. From time to time, I feel like kicking myself for whst I see as wasting years, but a friend pointed out to me that my real soulmate, if there is such a person, may not have been ready and available to meet me in the years I was invoinvolved with that one.
So many good things are going to happen for ypu, and your life can now start opening up.
October 5, 2018 at 2:56 am #229137rishaParticipantThanks Honey Blossom, He did try to reach me today and I ended up picking up the phone, He told me that he wants two things from me which is forgiveness and the other is that I should promise him that I will get married to someone else. I got really annoyed because whatever he does and say it seems I have to listen to him so I told him that I don’t think I can do both and he’s to be blamed for that and not to ever show his face or reach me ever again,
‘he tried to worm his way back into my life’ – wow I simply cant believe about this men
Anita/Michelle/Bubba – I am so sorry that I had to answer the phone without listening to your advice. But now its crystal clear of his thoughts and intentions and now I realized that he never loved me truly coz on my previous post I was feeling bad if I had pushed him away but now I know that its not my fault at all. He purely cheated me from the beginning.
Risha
so I feel a bit better now thinking he’s definitely not worth it and that it was a bad stage of my life.
Risha
October 5, 2018 at 3:49 am #229141AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
My feeling is that it is his loss, really. He could have had you in his life, how fortunate he could have been!
And no need to apologize for answering the phone, it is your life, you have the right to make your own choices in your life. (And it was not a bad choice).
Well, now you know what he wanted to say to you. Why does he wants your forgiveness and promise that you marry another man? Answer: it will make him feel better if you give him these two things, forgiveness and that promise. It is a sort of a gift that he is asking for.
When a person asks for forgiveness he or she has to express clearly what it is he is asking forgiveness for, what it is that he did wrong. And he hasn’t done that, didn’t tell you that he was looking for and communicating with another woman (his current girlfriend) while in an intimate relationship with you.
Even if he did tell you specifically the wrong doings he wants you to forgive him for, you don’t have to. You don’t have to give him this gift of forgiveness nor do you have to make him a promise of any kind.
Also, you wrote earlier: “she looks so happy with him and enjoying every moment”- not when she checked your LinkedIn profile, it was not happiness that led her to check your profile. You wrote: “now he belongs to her”- no, he doesn’t belong to her. People don’t belong to people.
anita
October 5, 2018 at 8:43 am #229207BubbaParticipantWow it all sounds so familiar. It’s crazy how similar the actions of these guys are. I can tell you my ex did the same thing, he started blaming me for the break up, he said it was all because of our arguments in the past and my actions LOL! When in fact he didin’t let me go when I wanted to leave. This was all when my intuition was still working but then he made me feel like I was wrong for being sensitive and over reacting. I’ve come to realize he was gas lighting me the entire time. Look it up, that’s what your ex is doing to make you feel like you are wrong and that you are flawed when in fact it’s him.
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