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HoneyBlossom

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 34 total)
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  • #235883
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Sorry for typos.  I was unable to edit

    #235881
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear Dreaming,

    Just some food for thought for you.  I know how disappointed you are feeling.  However,  you might think a bit about how in a loving relationship is about giving aas well as receiving. Rather than focusing on him not giving you sex on your birthday,  you mught think about giving to him – physically and sexually to show your appreciation and love for all of those tgings he does for you

     

    Whilst it’s possible that you are not sexuallt possible, its also possible that you are still getting to know him sexually,  what he likes and what he doesnt.

     

    You posted in your other thread that he is often tired.  You might consider givibg him a massage.  Dont be surprised or disappointed if he falls asleep sometimes.  After a while,  you will know when to stop the massage and please him in other ways.

     

    Whilst its true that most men like their women to look nice,  male desire is often about more than that.

    #233915
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear Feathering,

    I feel moved by your posts and sorry for ehat you are going through.

     

    It sounfs to me like this guy finds closeness too difficult, likely nothing to do with you personally.

    #233619
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hello Fruzsina,

    Thank you for such a kind and wise rrpky.  I only just saw it.  I hope thibgs are going well for you X

    #233115
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    IIm nit sure what else you could have done.  Heres hoping that as these relatives are distant,  she might be less likely to disrespect rheir boubdaries.

    #233107
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear Ally,

    From the way your post reads, it sounds  very much like he has his children every night.  Is this right?

     

    I think you need to seriously ask yourself what he has to offer you.

     

    I cant say anything about the other man because you really dont know him yet.  However,  he is a reminder to you that there are other men out there who would be interested in you who probably have much more to offer you than your current boyfriend

    #233089
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear TTK,  

    I hope by anyones standards that my posting is not inappropriate.  I am not a psychologist,  but your pattern of behaviours and life is very common amongst some people with borderline personality dissorder – aand this is treatable though it usually takes some time – byt not forever.  Mostly,  it takes commitment from the person exporiencing all of this.  It us usually successfully treated with cognitive behavioural therapy, and Im certain many principles of budhism would help you as well, especespec Mindfulness and guided meditations for healing.

     

    There is strong hope for you.  These thoughts and behaviours are often related to early abuse.  You are not alone X

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by HoneyBlossom.
    #232505
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Risha,

    I dont mean to alarm you or make you feel bad,  but his behaviour concerns me that he may harm you ohysically if you dont put a stop to this very soon.

     

    If you were my daughter,  I woukd want you to leave that workplace and move on.

    #232471
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant
    • Fruzzsina,  I dont know if you will relate to this,  but in the current telationship,  the sex is so powerful and I think for him also,  there is an intense sexual attachment. Most of the panic I feel is related to knowing that unless there is real love in actions then in time,  the sexual attachment will not sustain the relationship.  Real love should be given to outselves as well as others.  You are right about giving kindness to ourselves,  and so we must get on with our own lives to meet our own needs so we can give genuine love on action to others.

     

    I also need to accept that I am an emosyh,  and a person who has always experienced intense emotions.  Not everyone is like that,  and even if they were,  it might not necessarily be good for me to be in an intimate relationship with another petson like that.  I probably be better with a person who is ay least a little less emotional.  X

    #232455
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Big Hugs to you Fruzzsina.  Im going through similar to you right now,  but this time,  is the first time I recall that I think Im actually dealing okay and feeling grounded again.

     

    May I suggest googling “healing meditations for heart Chakra”. Im at work but will be back later. Its definitely helped me – very simple and fast healing exercise to do whenever you want and hrlps a lot of people

     

    Also think about this – love is an action,  not a feeling.  X

     

     

    #232323
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I feel like this too.  When I feel in love,  I panic because I think the person couldnt really love me too.  I alwsys fel like I love much more than anyone could ever love me.</p>

    #232067
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hi Mayra,

    Very good advice from Anita.

     

    I understand your fears related to not wanting to end up in a toxic marriage like your parents.

     

    I married very young as did my sisters (3).  I think that all of us were scared of ending up in a marriage like our parents,  and I chose a man who seemed unlike my father.   I believe that all of us were too fast to settle into marriage/long-term partnerships because we craved the love and stability which we didnt  have in the home we grew up in.  Not surprisingly,  of the 4 adult girls who married young,  only one of those marriages was to last.  The reasons my own marriage ended were different to the reasons my parents divorced after a long unhappy marriage.

     

    I was in my very early twenties when I married.  I did travel overseas, but with the man I married.  In hindsight,  I wish I had done as you have and travelled alone or with other female friends

     

    I have an adult son who has travelled widely – over a couple of years,  and Ive seen how this has benefitted him in many ways. He is very early 30s now,  and talking about a future abd marriage with his lovely partner.   This is not the same girl he was with at the beginning of his travelling who he had been with for a few years,  and a lot of people assuned they would marry.  To me,  these two (he and his current partner)  are perfect for each other.

     

    Ive seen the same with his friends and other people I have known.  They travel,  establish their careers, more travel,  and then they seem more at ease with themselves and have clarity about what they want and who is right for them.

     

    I recall that when he travelled, he met a few girls who were very keen,  one wanting to marry him.  In his case,  none of those lasted though friendships did.   He met his current partner back home after the travelling.  They have been to Japan together and planning a trip to USA.

     

    Personally,  I think that you will be glad if you defer commited long-term relationships for the time-being and focus on the other things,  especially travel,  therapy,  friends and work.

     

     

     

     

    #231441
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear Mayra,

    I think your ex,  no 1 will make you very unhappy,  but you have a very good chance of happiness with the guy you met in Chile. Ask yourself how you think you will feel in 5 years if you go with No 1. –  Miserable I think.

    #231439
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Btw,  it turned out that one mans “lack of interest” was because he was getting it somewhere else on the side.   Not saying thats necessarily the case for you,  but it is for many people

    #231435
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear Dreaming,

    I feel for you.  I have been in relationships where there was a mismatch of libido, and I ended up unhappy in those relationships, and their sloppy sex habits did effect the way I felt about myself.  Looking back,  for me,  it is reasonable grounds to walk away.  I stayed longer than I should have.  There would be short periods of time when things would improve,  but there is no way I ever will go back to a relationship with those issues.

     

    You touch on also that as well as libido,  for whatever reason,  your partner doesnt have much of an interest in satisfying you with sex the way you want it.

     

    I can assure you that there are men out there with not only high libidos,  but who really get off on satisfying their women – and they like being with women who are the same as them.

     

    I am in a relationship at present where the sex is the best  I have ever had. Its too early for me to know if the relationship will be long term and emotionally satisfying.

     

    Regardless,  what I definitely have gained from this relationship is the knowledge that as far as sex goes,  I dont want to settle for less in the sex departmrlent than what I am presently getting.

     

    Regarding books,  videos,  etc – the men I was with werent interested – thats “work” to them.

     

    The fact is,  your partner is not up to scratch as far as sex goes – unless of course,  he is with a woman as disinterested in it as he is.

     

    More often than not,  when babies and mortgages come along, the amount of sex and quality of it decreases.

     

    He might be great in every other way,  but obviously you are a woman who sex is important to, and Im sure you know that you need to weigh up just how important it is.

     

    Frankly,  nobody should be in a relationship where they are deprived of sex,  and at 29, tha s a shame.

     

    All the best.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 34 total)