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He cheated on his girlfriend with me, but dumped me for her in the end

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  • #398482
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @anita

    You’re welcome!

    Correct, I think another big one is diabetes. I would imagine that a vet would be able to identify these conditions relatively easily with testing. Cushing’s disease on the other hand can be more difficult to diagnose. For my friend’s dog, it wasn’t until very severe symptoms arose that diagnosis occurred.

    #398483
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Helcat:

    Thank you again. So, these may be the beginning symptoms of crushing’s disease… dogs and people share a lot of the same diseases including anxiety and depression.

    anita

    #398564
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Big Hugs Anita and Helecat.

    Well my little dig is having a full blood test and setum Phenomav on the 29th and I’m told this will detect if she dies indeed have Cushings.  Anita, I’m wondering if your friend has had blood tests on his dog.  My dog has mire symptoms of Cushings than the drinking and weeing.  She has panting and seizures and the hair on either side of her flank has become sparse.  In Vusibgs, this is caused by the raised Cortisone level.  She also has fairly rapid wasting of muscles in her back legs which is affecting her walking.

    I don’t do it all of the time, but when I have had enough, I put a new born baby diaper on her.  You can buy diapers especially fir dogs.  I do have a dog door but often the little one doesn’t make it in time. She really is drinking a LOT.

    As digs age, often their kidneys and liver deteriorate, but a lot can be done to manage with diet, supplements and medication.  There are special prescription diets fir dogs and cats fir renal and gastro-intestinal.  They are made by Holls and Royal Canon, and at least here in Oz, you need a prescription from a vet to buy them.

    Other thing which might be suggested for your friend is a second opinion from another vet.

    I was VERY happy and surprised today to learn that our vet practices acupuncture and the accupressure with the red lights.  I am going to ask her if she can do initial red light therapy on my dog and supervise/instruct me on doing the maintenance red light therapy.

    Oh Helecat, that must have been so worrying for you.  Im so pleased to see there is so much more now we can do to help our old pets live a good life and often pain-free.  I see a lot of the American members on the dog health forums I belong to give their dogs Cannabis Oil treatments.  It’s not quite as big here yet.  I know that there are some concerns with some vets about it in that AT THIS STAGE, the amounts of various chemicals within the cannabis oil is not completely predictable and so there is a risk they can overdose.  Hemp SEED Oil is meant to be safer as the THC has been removed.  They are bith meant to be good for many senior dogs as they help with joint pain, skin, coat and appetite.

    There is also an eye medication which has been very successful in arresting eye cataracts, a common cause of blindness in old dogs. You can buy over the counter in USA, but it’s very new here so you need a vet prescription.

    My dog did have another seizure tonight. The first in about a week now.  I gave her diazepam into her tiny butt hole with a Q tip as instructed by vet, and it ended sooner than the others. Her tiny heart was racing and shecwas panting.  That’s the raised Cortisol levels bringing on the seizure and causing the panting and fast heart.  I pray we can get all of this under control. The sooner the better.  One more week and the medicines will arrive.

    We also have something here now which I belueve started in USA but perhaps by another name. It’s know as The Nosh Priject.  Developed by Vet Nutritionists, you can either buy their frozen fresh food or make your own following their recipe cards. You buy their vitamin powder call Nurture 27 which has 27 essential vitamins and minerals they need daily.  The powder is very affordable and the recipes easy. You need to make with human grade meat and veg. The recipes are good enough for humans to eat too!

    I’m not working tomorrow and have lots to do here.  The boss has given me an extra 2 weeks work – that is as far ahead as the roster has been filled for all of the staff.  I’m very happy at that workplace  – apart from the long hours – many 12 hour days.

    We are having government elections here on the 21st May.  I so hope this govt is voted out. Prime Minister was big admirer of Trump and is the worst prime minister we have ever had.

    That’s about it from me. Hope you are both keeping well. XXX

     

    #398567
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    Thank you for the info-filled post. Interesting, I suggested the diapers possible solution to my friend, even though I never heard of doggie diapers, I just figured there’s probably such a product, but he said that doggie diapers are usually used for menstruating females, and it will not help with his dog because even in diapers, his dog will still want to go out at night, and that means he’d still need to wake up a few times per night. He did say that he will be building a doggie door. He didn’t think of a doggie door before because of his concern about wildlife such as mountain lions.

    About Cushing’s being caused by excessively high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, one that’s normally released in great amounts when the body needs to attend to a physical threat, when a person or a dog suffers from anxiety (ongoing or repeated fear when there is no real physical threat), cortisol is released on an ongoing basis, leading to high concentrations in the blood for long periods of time, causing all these physical and mental symptoms. It makes sense to me why as a child and a teenager, I experienced a few of the common symptoms of Cushing’s: poor short-term memory, poor concentration and fatigue. It is very important for all of us to keep our anxiety and stress level as low as possible, on an ongoing basis, for the sake of our physical and mental health.

    I am sorry to read that your dog had another seizure, but good thing it ended sooner than previous seizures. I do hope that a new Prime Minister will be elected in Australia in the elections exactly a month from today. Virtual hugs back to you and a gentle hug to your dog! I will talk to my friend when I see him next and let you know what’s happening with him and his heeler.

    anita

    #398746
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @HoneyBlossom

    Sorry for the late reply, it’s been busy!

    The dog I know with Cushing’s disease also ended up developing muscle wasting in the back legs. Fortunately, no epilepsy has developed so far. Something unique happened with the skin, which the vet had never seen before. Instead of hair loss, patches of raw open wounds spontaneously developed. Medication has helped the with the skin heal, as well as relieving thirst and frequent urination.

    I agree, it’s amazing what we can do for our own health and the health of our pets these days.

    My mom’s dog tried CBD oil which is similar to hemp seed oil. It was mildly helpful for pain relief but gabapentin which the vet prescribed was more effective for severe pain.

    I’m glad that your vet can assist you with the light therapy. I hope all goes well! Please keep us updated on how your pup responds to medication and light therapy.

    #402584
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    HI Helecat.  I’m sorry I just saw this post.  Most of the people I’m acquainted with online who use CBD are from the USA.  I think you need to buy it online if in Australia though we can buy Hemp Seed Oil. Back in a mini.  Crying dog.

    #402586
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Sorry, the dogs could smell the leftover beef for dinner and were pestering me, so I went and gave them a little more.  It’s winter here and cold.

    I have spent most of the last 2 days in bed reading and then dozing although I don’t feel too bad.  I can’t go anywhere and haven’t been able to spend much time outside in my yard.

     

    How are you?

     

    Funny you should mention the rash because since posting, about 3 weeks ago, the tiny dog developed these black scaley plaques on her trunk which appear to be a type of fungal and bacterial dermatitis.  She had been so well.  Then one day, I had taken her to vet to get her nails trimmed.  Then we went to supermarket, and when we came home, she insisted on spending a lot of time outside despite it being windy and cold. That evening, her eyes were weepy, the tear staining on  her face which had cleared and then grown out had returned worsecthan ever.  Then I found the plaques on her back.

     

    I found this amazing medicated shampoo recommended by a vet dermatologist called Mediderm. He said it (and all other shampoos) should only ever be diluted – 2 teaspoonscto one cup of water and applied with a soft cloth.  It has to stay on the dog for 5 minutes, rinsed thoroughly and then repeated.  Then you use either QV Oil or Aloha Kerri Oil in the tub to condition.  You just need enough to make the water cloudy.  If you don’t condition properly, the dog will end up with very inflamed skin.  When the dog goes outside and returns, you use the diluted oils on its paws and you condition its skin regularly with it.

     

    I trimmed the dogs hair very short over where the anorexia was and the scales, and I’m quite certain it’s growing back.  Apparently, this type of dermatitis (and alopecua) can result in damaged hair follicles, but in time, they will repair if this type of treatment is used.

     

    The dog must get some relief from the shampoo and conditioner as she doesn’t mind it.  You need to apply to every in c h ifctheir body, especially in between b the toes. She has NOT licked her paws or scratched since although the plaque did return though not so badly.

    After it has healed completely, you alternate the Mediderm shampoo with Nutriderm.  It is now the only dog shampoo I will use, and I have tried so many over the years.

    #457174
    Robin
    Participant

    First, please breathe. What you are feeling right now is ‘withdrawal.’ You were addicted to the hope he gave you, and that hope was snatched away in the most brutal, public way possible.

    It is important to realize that you were not in love with him; you were in love with a character he played. The man who loved you and promised a future didn’t exist—if he did, he would have protected you from that ugly confrontation, not used you as a shield to prove his loyalty to his girlfriend.

    On the closure you’re seeking: You are looking for him to admit he lied, but his silence and his coldness are your answers. He is showing you his true character now: he is someone who protects himself at the expense of everyone else.

    On the social media pain: Stop looking. Every time you check his page, you are re-traumatizing yourself. Those ‘happy’ photos are a facade built on a foundation of broken trust. Even if they stay together, their relationship is now filled with suspicion and monitoring. You have been ‘discarded,’ but in reality, you have been released. >
    You are the only one in this triangle who is now free to find an honest, transparent love. Use this time to ask yourself: ‘Why did I feel I only deserved the crumbs of a secret life?’ Heal that part of you, and you will never find yourself in this position again.

    You are worth more than a ‘situationship.’ You are worth being someone’s first and only choice.”

    #457177
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Robin 🙂

    What an intelligent reply (your first in the forums, at least under your current account). welcome! I hope to read from you again 🙏

    I doubt the original poster, Emma, will read your reply because she posted only on June 19 & 21, 2021 (page 1) and then deleted her account (Pages 2-8 are conversations between other members).

    Her last post here was exactly 4 years & 10 months ago.

    I appreciate you reactivating this thread because it’s an opportunity for me to evaluate my replies to Emma so much time later. I would like to do so tomorrow.

    🤍 Anita

    #457196
    anita
    Participant

    Hello ( to anyone who may be reading this):

    I discovered AI on a personal level at the end of 2024 and at one point on had it evaluate some of my replies for positives and negatives.

    This morning, I copied and pasted Emma’s first post and my first reply ( June 29, 2021) and asked it to evaluate that reply. I didn’t yet read the evaluation. I want to do my own.

    First reply (6/19/21): no empathy expressed for Emma, absolutely none. No validation of her feelings (something like: understandably you were hurt. You were emotionally invested in him, believed he was honest with you, and then he betrayed your trust in him). And no appreciation for the courage it took her to post this ( after all, she started her first post with: “Before you judge me..”.

    Second reply (6/20/21): again, zero empathy, zero validation, zero appreciation for her being courageous- or for anything that’s positive about her.

    But then, I took my lack of attunement a step further: I told her that the guy’s girlfriend was right to blame her (Emma) for the affair.

    If it was ever right to say anything like that (gently though), it wouldn’t be in a second reply before I expressed any empathy for Emma.

    Here I did what she was afraid of: I judged her.

    (continued next)

    #457197
    anita
    Participant

    Continued:

    My fourth reply (6/21/2021) just got even worse: still no empathy for Emma (who has been nice to me in her replies so far, trying to explain things best she could), doubling on the judgment- claiming she’s not taking responsibility for the wrong she has done, and I accused her of dishonesty- paying lip service in regard to her guilt, not meaning what she said. Looking back, there was no evidence for these accusations. I presented an honest, hurting woman as a villain.

    Can my replies get even worse?

    (to be continued next)

    #457198
    anita
    Participant

    Continued:

    Yes, my next reply did get worse.

    Emma responded to my critical, judgmental last reply by saying that she sensed criticism in it, and then explained herself a bit more, honestly and politely.

    My response (6/21/2021), the last one before she deleted her account): I accused her of criticizing me (for telling me rightly so, that she sensed criticism in my reply)

    (Continued next- using my phone)

    #457199
    anita
    Participant

    Continued: I stated in that last message that my intent was not to make her feel good momentarily but to promote her well-being long term ( an explanation for my lack of empathy, harshness, criticism/ judgment, disrespect and unfounded accusations..😔)

    No doubt I did NOT promote her well-being long term or short term.

    Why was I so cold (no empathy), judgmental and accusatory?

    I’ll have to think about it.

    I will continue this in hours from now.

    😔 👎 Anita

    #457213
    anita
    Participant

    I ran my replies through AI and learned that my first reply was fine, that the fact that I was not emotional (as in ‘sorry for your pain’ etc.) was a positive because a person who’s overwhelmed emotionally needs a calm, grounded response that doesn’t add emotion on top of a a flammable mix of pre- existing emotion.

    On the other hand, my following few replies were pretty bad, and if Emma (the OP) was here, I’d apologize to her wholeheartedly.

    Why did I become judgmental, blunt and even accusatory?

    Something in me got trigerred. Emma was Emotional- that may have reminded me of my emotionally- chaotic, histrionic, out of control mother.

    My mother was overly emotional and under-ly logical or sensible. It was traumatizing for me to find myself trapped in her extended (felt like never-ending) histrionic displays (‘oh, poor me, I am dying, I am going to kill myself and it’s your fault’, etc., etc.)

    I wasn’t able to talk sense to my mother when I was a teenager (when I started reading psychology books), or when I was an adult.

    Talking with Emma trigerred that frustration and brewing anger at not being able to contain my mother’s out of control emotionality.

    Thing is Emma was emotional but also reasonable and kind, nothing like my mother. But a bit of her emotionality trigerred my experience with-the LOT of emotionality by my mother mixed with her abuse of me.

    I mean, Emma thanked me for my first reply or two, but my mother never thanked me for my efforts to help her.

    Even in Emma’s last reply, following my worst reply- she was still contained, fair, not at all abusive, unlike my mother.

    Yet just because she was emotional, I projected my mother into her and reacted- not to Emma- but to my mother.

    I sincerely apologize, Emma.

    Anita

Viewing 14 posts - 106 through 119 (of 119 total)

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