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Why ex act like my best friend ?

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  • #402379
    richard
    Participant

    hello, long story short, about 2 years ago, my wife dumped me and left, leaving me with my son, she couldn’t came back because visa, our relationship lasted 11 years, we were best friend at first and then fall in love, she then took the decision that she wanted to leave, and i was like ok, it hurted alot, and also, took me like a year to finally be ready to meet other people, but since she left, she always text me about our son (this is ok for me), and sometimes add some inside joke, like she wants me to remember our old times, for example, 6 months ago, she asked me if i want another son from her, it was a joke, but i think she should stop with these type of messaging because its confusing for me, also she told me several times that she dreamed with me, like 1 week ago, she told me that she dreamed about me criying, like 8 months ago, she dreamed that i was getting married, she started as a joke, but then told me to ever get married, can anyone tell me why this woman is acting insane? also i recently hear that she have a new partner, and that she probably have around 1 year with him, this is even more strange, if u have a new partner, in a new country, away from ur child, why the hell you want to plant old memories or make inside jokes?

    #402504
    anita
    Participant

    Dear richard:

    “since she left, she always text me about our son (this is ok for me), and sometimes add some inside joke… for example, 6 months ago, she asked me if I want another son from her… also she told me several times that she dreamed… about me crying… that I was getting married, she started as a joke, but then told me to never get married, can anyone tell me why this woman is acting insane? Also I recently hear that she have a new partner, and that she probably have around 1 year with him” –

    – reads to me that she wants you to want her; that she wants to keep you as an option, just in case she needs to get back with you, if things turn out that way. Do you think so?

    anita

    #402517
    richard
    Participant

    thats what it feels like, but she was the one dumping me, she was the one that destroyed all hope, i cant get back with her because i have dignity, she also blocked all my family that was once her family, so in these 2 years, all she have done, is talk nice to me, otherwise she have done anything positive..

    #402518
    anita
    Participant

    Dear richard:

    I am not saying that you should pursue your ex-wife, nor am I saying that she wants you to pursue her. According to my understanding, based on the little that you shared, I suspect that she wants to keep you on the slow burner, so to speak- just in case sometime in the future she will need you to do something for her.

    “all she has done is talk nice to me, otherwise she hasn’t done anything positive” – it is easy to talk. It takes very little time and even less effort to utter words. But words can be powerful when they fuel a lonely heart. Be careful about how far her emotional manipulation (her words here and there) can take you!

    anita

    #402545
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    I think your ex-wife sounds like a selfish person who wants to keep as many options open for herself that she can.  Can you get some professional support to be able to get on with your life.  I think that would be difficult while she keeps messing with your head by saying those things.

     

    It sounds to me as though you would be better to have some firm boundaries in place, and for you to mostly just be communicating with her about your son.

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