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I Feel So Rejected By Men

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  • This topic has 113 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by anita.
Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 114 total)
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  • #400122
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: center;”>Thanks very much Anita.  I hope you have a nice weekend.</p>

    #400267
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, HoneyBlossom, and thank you! Anytime it might help you to get things off your chest by posting here, please do!

    anita

    #400670
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thanks so much Anita.  I am going back to work Tuesday next week.  I wish I could have more time off work, but I will just have to wait a few months.

    I’m glad you are well. Nothing much to report here. I’m pleased to say that. I’m liking my life being very quiet.

    #400675
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    Good to wake up this Thursday morning (I know it’s night time where you are) to your posts, what excellent replies to other members! I hope you rest well before you return to work in five days.

    You are welcome and thank you for… being you!

    anita

     

    #400735
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    I have been feeling really sorry for myself and having a big puty-party when I know I should be grateful for the things I do have.

    I don’t feel ready to go back to work, but I have to for financial reasons. I have been seeing photos on FB of both my sisters holidays.  Both are retired and have b even a couple of years – they are bith well-off financially.. Often I feel I will be working until I drop dead.  I can’t even partially retire for another 5 years.

    I had also been feeling down in the dumps about being moved from a workplace I have loved to a place few people have wanted to work at. Mostly this was because of a really nasty manager and one other nasty worker.  It turns out the nasty manager has been gotten rid of.  One of the other more senior managers rang me today to give me feedback on another job I applied for.  He told me the place I am going back to is quite a different place since that nasty manager was finally gotten rid of.

    It’s a difficult place to work.  The clients either can’t speak or can only say a few words. All of them are mostly incontinent and require full meal assistance.  I’m not getting any younger and don’t know how I will go.  My first shift us a 6 30am start and 5pm finish and it’s 45 minute drive away.  I have to sleep over a minimum of 6 times in a 28 day month, and work every second weekend with split shifts and sleeping over. I just don’t want to be doing this number of sleepovers any more.  I had been w I ring a lot of 12 hour shifts. Thankfully, there are fewer of those. I must not ley myself burn out like this again.  In my work, and in nursing, a lot of people have left through burnout since COVID.  Even though lockdown is over, we lost a significant number of experienced staff who chose not to be immunised.

    I applied for another job in the same organisation. The interviewing manager told me that I did very well in the interview but another person did a bit better.  He said if there were 2 jobs, he would have given me second job. He did give me some ideas on improving my answers at future interviews.

    I’m not planning on applying for anything else immediately.  I will see how things go.

    I know I need c to get a grip on myself – practice more gratitude and be more positive.

    #400777
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    I understand that you are frustrated about not being able to retire- not even partially- before you are 67 (in five years from now), and working such long hours in a difficult workplace, with a long drive to and from and sleepovers. And then seeing  other women your age who are already retired and financially well off.

    As I read your post, I remembered a conversation I had with a young man in his early 30s the other day, he was frustrated about having saved money to buy a truck, but then his landlord called to tell him that he needs to move out, so the young man had to spend his money on getting a new place to live, instead of what he wanted to spend it on. He now has to start saving for a truck all over again. He said that such things happened to him repeatedly in life. He then said that if he expected life to be fair, he would be very frustrated over these things. But he is not very frustrated because he expects life to be unfair.

    Since that talk I’ve been trying to apply this true thinking into my own life: I have suffered and still suffer from unfairness, and I see other people suffering. It hurts.  I want to be fair to others and to promote fairness, but unfairness is the predominant reality nonetheless, promoted successfully by people in positions of power.

    It is better to accept what is real and what we cannot change. It helps me feel better than otherwise. Is it helping you, to accept that life is unfair?

    anita

    #401192
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hello Anita and thank you. I’m s I rry I have been away longer than I expected, but I became very ill and not returned to work yet. I developed very bad bronchitis which has affected my blood pressure, making it dangerously low.

    The hospitals around here are full.  They were stressed to the Max even before COVID.  I went to the Emergency Dept with breathing difficulties and chest pain and wasn’t seen for more than 6 hours.  They told me I could not be admitted as they had no beds.  My son came up 400kms immediately to care for me which was very good of him.  He has gone back now.  He took me to GP the next day who noted my blood pressure and sent me back to the hospital with a letter saying I needed to be admitted to monitor my blood pressure.

    There was a child who came in with sane cough as mine. They did do an xray and said it was bronchitis.  I have a ventolin puffer to use and pain relief.

    I was very embarrassed that my son saw my home in such a mess. He hasn’t been to my place for quite some time as we usually meet somewhere in between where we live so he doesn’t have to travel so far.

    One if the worst things is that I had spent most of my leave cleaning.  He remarked it has gotten on top of me and wants to come back in the spring – 4 or 5 months time with a friend to help me declutter.

    I can’t help it but I have been trying to clean today.  I am grateful for his help and have said yes, but I am extremely embarrassed – humiliated. When I was married and a lot younger, even his father said I had everything all lovely.

    At least there was no pet smell. I recently found a product that gets rid of it all.

    The problem is clutter – one entire room, though the smallest in the house filled with unused furniture and items.  My laundry still had tins of paint and things from unfinished renovations, and my walkin pantry filled with items which should be tossed.  There’s the garage too. Thank God he didn’t go in there.  That is the worst.  I had organised some time ago to pay somebody to come take it away for me, but it rained on the day, and he cancelled.  I didn’t get to follow up as friend said she would help me do it but she really is too busy herself.

     

    I clearly need a plan of attack on this.  It gets me down.

    #401200
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    I am sorry to read that you were sick with bronchitis and that your blood pressure was dangerously low as a result. And that the emergency department of the hospital you went to couldn’t admit you for 6 hours even though you were having breathing difficulties and chest pain!

    It’s a good thing that your son drove 400 km to care for you. I wish you weren’t embarrassed and humiliated about him seeing the clutter in your home.  Please do not expand much energy cleaning and decluttering because you have to rest and recover from the bronchitis and watch your blood pressure!

    I will next read what you posted in my School Bullying thread and reply there.

    anita

    #401861
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, HoneyBlossom???

    anita

    #402547
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anuta,</p>
    I’m sorry I just saw your post.  I have COVID, but I am okay.  I had only been back at work a very short while, and caught it off the clients within a few days of being back.  Today was my first day off work.

    There us a young man who lives across the road from me with his partner, and he is kindly going to get me anything I need at the grocery store I need, but I don’t need anything just yet.

    I am quite concerned for my friend Rose who I have mentioned on a number of occasions.  A few months ago, she lost her only child, an adult son who she had been mostly estranged from for many years.  He had been sick a long time.  It was expected. A few weeks later, she lost her mother, and that was a complicated relationship.  She has many siblings and only gets on with a few of them.  I reached out to her today, asking if I can do anything for her even if it is just prayers- she is devout Christian.  She is always helping other people. She helped me out when I was sick with the influenza and took me to the hospital when I had my surgery and brought me home.

    I have noticed of late that sometimes during ordinary conversations on everyday matters, she becomes angry and starts yelling.  She has also become forgetful and gets things confused.  She has been helping other people who have been sick, and has volunteered to drive a sick person around for a month.

    I texted her and said I was concerned because over last few months she has had some big issues happen, that she is always helping others, but I am concerned if she is okay and can I do anything.  She texted back right away thanking me and asking if I can pray that she can keep going on.  I think she is getting close to breakdown.  I have extra bed here and she knows she can stay and bring all of her pets here.

    I am needing to work living in the now. Since my son saw me very sick, he has asked me to consider moving back to the city so he can check on me once a week.  I checked out property values, and I don’t think I would ever afford even something modest there.  The costs are unbelievable.

    Old age is starting to catch up on me at a faster rate.  I am looking and feeling much older than I did 2-5 years ago..I’m presently doing work in my yard to make it all so that I ca mn EA a ilu mow everything using the rideon mower.  I need to get rid of some trees that are a lot of work too.

    When I was ill and had to go to Ho a petal, it hit me that I am not close to hospitals and doctors and services.  For a while, I thought I could sell my home at some point and move closer to everything, but with the costs involved, that seems impossible too.  I’m just trying to work things out how to take care of myself without being a burden to others

    I don’t currently have a credit card so the general store here wouldn’t let me make a phone order even when I offered to transfer money to their bank account and have the funds cleared before purchasing anything. I am just fortunate that my neighbour has been so kind.

    Work has been difficult.  As well as the clients having COVID, so far, 3 of them have had gastro and soiling themselves from a medication they are taking to help prevent complications from COVID.  I worry about my health failing me majority, and not being able to continue working.

    I amnglad to have the dogs snuggled up with me.  I know I have so much to be grateful for.  I need to calm my thoughts down and live more a day at a time.

     

    I’m sorry gor my rant.  How are you Anita?? I’m reading the topics now and trying to catch up from when I was last here.

     

    #402548
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    Good to read back from you! Reads like you have mild covid symptoms (?) I hope that you rest well and make full recovery! Glad your neighbor is willing to get you anything you need from the grocery store.  I also hope that your friend Rose rests too so that her stress level goes down.

    “I have noticed of late that sometimes during ordinary conversations on everyday matters, she becomes angry and starts yelling.  She has also become forgetful and gets things confused“-

    I hope it’s not Alzheimer’s. According to alz. org/ 10 early signs of Alzheimer’s:  “One of the most common signs of Alzheimer’s disease, especially in the early stage, is forgetting recently learned information…Individuals living with Alzheimer’s may experience mood and personality changes. They can become confused, suspicious, depressed, fearful or anxious. They may be easily upset at home, with friends or when out of their comfort zone”.

    “Since my son saw me very sick, he has asked me to consider moving back to the city so he can check on me once a week.  I checked out property values, and I don’t think I would ever afford even something modest there” – I don’t think that it’s worth moving to the city- even if you could afford it- so to be checked on a single time per week.

    “Old age is starting to catch up on me at a faster rate… I am not close to hospitals and doctors and services” – how long does it take for a taxi or an ambulance service to get you to a hospital from the moment you call them?

    “I am needing to work living in the now… I worry about my health failing me majority, and not being able to continue working… I need to calm my thoughts down and live more a day at a time” – keep your stress level down. A routine of listening guided meditation may help. You can download some of  Mark William’s mindfulness guided meditations for free. He is a professor of clinical psychology in Oxford, wrote books on mindfulness (focusing awareness on the present moment, living in the now, one moment, one day at a time), famous for his research and work on mindfulness.

    “I’m sorry for my rant.  How are you Anita?? I’m reading the topics now and trying to catch up from when I was last here” – you are welcome to rant anytime! I am fine one day at a time (this is my attitude). I appreciate your reply on another member’s thread, good to read your replies to others!

    anita

    #402583
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.  I hadn’t considered Alzheimers.

    #402591
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    You are welcome. I read in the other thread that you’ve been spending most of the last 2 days in bed reading and dozing, and I am glad that you are resting!

    anita

    #403370
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anita,</p>
    How are you?  I finally went back to work and decided to resign from my permanent position and go casual as I’m not coping with all the sleepovers and split shifts.  I’m still not really 100% in that I have a lingering cough since the influenza.

    I don’t officially go casual until the 17th July but have been getting calls from the casual bank already asking if I want extra work.  I am doing an extra shift Monday, but mostly going to meet the manager and clients.  I am so broke right now, at least also it will be a little extra money.  I have an appt with an accountant on Wednesday for my tax return and really hoping I get some money back.

    I’ve had a recent fallout with a local business person here, and a bit upset about it.  I had been told years ago that she has a drinking problem and can be difficult.  I think she has been drunk texting me tonight.  Bit of a story to it, but soon I will be able to wipe my hands of her.

    It’s still winter here but I have been doing quite a bit if work in my yards and by summer, I should have a nice little back garden/entertaining area.

     

    The digs are keeping me busy.  I’m waiting to receive a custom-made dog wheelchair for my eldest dog coming from Texas. It’s probably at Australuan Customs now.

    Most people I know are feeling the financial pinch.  Gas us $2.20 per litre, and food prices have gone up.

    Mostly though, I want my health and mental well-being back.  I might have to try living on less money – or I might end up earning more on casual, but if course without sick or holiday leave so I will need to put money aside for this.

    Life is quiet though.

    #403373
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    I am okay, thank you for asking, but like so many people, I too am very concerned with the alarming inflation and gas prices going up (which  causes everything to cost more), as well with as climate change and the political happenings here in the U.S.

    I hope that you no longer do sleepovers and split shifts because they take so much out of you! Also, I hope that your cough resolves, that you will get some tax-money back, and that soon, you will no longer have to interact with the local business woman with whom you had a fallout.

    You mentioned your dogs- I wanted to tell you for some time that.. I think it was a few months ago that I shared with you about a friend’s heeler dog, Lucie,  and her health problems. You brought up Cushing Disease as a possibility. I researched it at the time and told my friend that maybe Lucie suffers from Cushing. It was something that he didn’t consider. Some time later, he told me that I was right (meaning that it was you, HoneyBlossom, who was right), that a veterinarian did indeed diagnose Lucie with Cushing. Fast forward, Lucie is on the correct medication and her mood/ behavior significantly improved!

    anita

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