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I Feel So Rejected By Men

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  • This topic has 113 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by anita.
Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 114 total)
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  • #393549
    pink24
    Participant

    Ugh…the love of his life? It’s like, ok thanks, so what was I? Nothing? Ugh…. talk about feeling jipped. Not sure if that’s what you meant, but that’s how I read it!

    It’s interesting.  I knew I recognized something in your post that felt familiar to me. Like you, my mother and older sister suffered from mental illness.  That is so hard to deal with. Our mothers and sisters are our first friends in the world, I’ve heard it said. I felt so unloved on really deep and primal level. I kept people at a cool distance my whole life. Over time, I’ve come to see it wasn’t their fault – it was their brain chemistry, not them.  Children love so easily – so there’s proof right there, you know? It took me a long time to make that connection. And to forgive. Not to their faces, but in my heart. As a result, I feel much lighter. But I didn’t want to be the same person anymore, you know?

    Over time, I learned to open myself up more to people. To be vulnerable. Small moment by small moment. I’d do it literally with anyone – a co-worker, the grocery clerk. What I’ve learned is that everyone – I mean, EVERYONE – really longs for authentic connection. It’s pretty amazing and wonderful to experience. And restorative, I have to say. Maybe something to try?

    In gratitude is a great place to be. I’m so glad you’re into it!  It will completely reframe the way you look at your life. Like in a major way.

    Small steps, girl. You know? That’s all we can do.

    Hope this helps,

    Pink 🙂

     

     

    #393628
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much for your time, effort and reflections. Everything you wrote is true.  I feel that I forgave my parents, and see that they were both hurt children themselves.  They were very young too when they married, and had children.

    Despite forgiving them, I still often feel less worthy and loveable than other people. I wish I knew how to rid myself of that feeling.

    Hanging out to receive love is not am option, was never an option, but I’m now much more aware of it. Well, not from an intimate relationship anyway.

    I’m trying to work out where to start to make myself a better person.  I honestly do have so much to be grateful for.  Since 2018, I have a much better job in an organisation I live working for and I earn a lot more money. I’m not rich, but I can pay all of my bills with some left over although I do need to budget better.

    I have a good relationship with my adult son, 2 of my sister’s and my elderly mother who is now in f/t care. My older sister BTW, retired early from a well-paid govt job after accusations against her for bullying and abusive behaviour. I live states away from them now, but there have continued to be problems with other family members and her abusive behaviour.  I stay away from her though am not in conflict, but I just cannot stand the drama she continually creates. My son wants nothing to do with her.  She has been damaged too by the upbringing though in different ways to me. She does have some good qualified fitness though, and did an amazing job with her own 2 children.

    I have my own modest though lively little home, and I have 2 small senior dogs who hardly leave my side, and bring me a lot of happiness.

    I also have a wonderful female friend who lives in the next town, and we look out for each other, helping each other out on occasion though neither of us expect a it. She has turned out to be a wonderful person and true friend.

    I get along well with all of the people I work with, and despite tiredness, do look forward to work.

    I’m forced also now to take better care if myself due to what looks like the recurrence of cancer, though in the past, it has been treatable with regular checks, medical procedures and surgery on occasions.

    I have developed some other health concerns as well, but these will likely be taken care of with lifestyle changes and medications.  I am grateful to live in a country which has a public health care system so my hospitalization, treatments and medications will all be taken care of.

    As I said, I’m not really sure where to start in working on myself. Perhaps reading more articles and posts here might give me some guidance, but I would be grateful for suggestions.

    Thank you very much again.

    #393630
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thanks very much for your reply Pink. Regarding my husband, ideally, he could have talked to me about it. I tried talking to him about it, but he flatly denied it and turned blame on me. Then evidence presented itself. He lied through his teeth and told me I had a filthy mind, and that I was lucky to have him because nobody wanted me, including my own family.  I found out many years later that while he was saying these things to me, he had been in “committed” relationships with men – more than one he was besotted with.  He used to belittle my appearance constantly though especially after I left him, people of both sexes, including strangers, would remark that I was very attractive. Of course, it’s in the eyes of the beholder. My dear friend tells me that these last 2 years, I have aged a lot – since that relationship broke up and I have felt very sad a lot if the time.

    Since I started addressing my medical issues and trying to take better care of myself with lifestyle choices and medications, I’m starting to look improved.

    Re the mental illness of family members, since my adulthood, my mother made numerous serious suicide attempts ending up in ICU.  She was in an institution for 1 year and had shock treatment which didn’t seem to work, and it has caused some brain damage. She is now a tiny frail lady.  My father died quite young.

    I will take up your suggestion of trying to be bit more open and connect with people, and see how it goes.  Thank you.💜💜💜💜
    <p style=”text-align: center;”></p>

    #393636
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    You are very welcome. I am glad that you are back here, good to read from you again.

    I still often feel less worthy and loveable than other people. I wish I knew how to rid myself of that feeling” – “less worthy than other people”...  When we are highly critical of ourselves about any particular thing (X), we tend to think that other people are better than us, or about perfect in regard to X. Whenever you find yourself negatively criticizing yourself regarding X (or Y or Z), think of other people you know and how they fair regarding X. Do the same with Y and Z. You’ll see that you are among people who are about equally imperfect.

    Good to read that you are addressing your medical issues and taking better care of yourself, that you have a good relationship with your adult son and with others, including with your wonderful friend in the next town, that you stay away from your older sister, that you like your much improved job with better pay, and that you like your lively little home and two dogs. I am sorry to read about what looks like the recurrence of cancer and that you have other health concerns. I hope that all will be treated successfully in surgery (if it takes place), medications and lifestyle changes

    I am grateful to live in a country which has a public health care system so my hospitalization, treatments and medications will all be taken care of” – that’s a very good thing. Not the case here, USA, except for the lucky ones who have government jobs with excellent health care benefits. Otherwise, health care is largely private, and astronomically expensive.

    As I said, I’m not really sure where to start in working on myself… I would be grateful for suggestions” – connecting with others is best, like you do with your friend in the next town. Here, maybe you can continue to connect with the lovely Pink with whom you already formed some emotional connection. (I tend to be cerebral, and you need support that is more emotional, I figure).

    Otherwise, in regard to your sadness- daily aerobic, mood elevating exercise, such as a brisk walk for half an hour or more can help a lot, after work perhaps. Also, reading (see under BLOG at the top of the page), listening to guided meditations maybe, journaling privately or here, on your thread, etc. If deep sadness continues and persists, psychotherapy will probably be a very good idea. At any time, if you want my input, address a post to me, let me know what kind of input you would like, and I will be glad to reply to you.

    anita

    #393649
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you for welcoming me back Anita and for your helpful advice.

     

    Yes, the tests I had recently would likely have cost thousands.  The medications I will likely have to take for life shouldn’t cost me more than $60 per month nut would cost a lot more in USA. My GP visits cost $30 per visit as I get a rebate from govt for the rest. When I retire, that should all be cheaper again.

     

    As well, in Australia, we have a very serious housing shortage which our present govt won’t doesn’t want to address. When rentals come up, often there are 100 people applying for the rental and buying is unaffordable for most people on average incomes. O managed to buy my home before it got this serious. I have a mortgage, but it is affordable.

    My dear kind friend is passing through this afternoon and dropping by to see me. I have said to her for a long time that if she ever becomes unwell, she is very welcome to stay here and bring all of her pets with her.  When I have my surgery, she is going to take me to hospital and collect me, and will stay overnight if necessary.

    I’m starting to get to know 2 of the younger women at work who are very nice.  Right now, I don’t have time or energy to meet people outside of work.  Hhowever, there are a couple of fitness type classes in the t o an I would ltike to attend when I can.  I will need to scale down my employment before I can do this. The younger women generally w o to less hours than I do, but we are all feeling we are heading towards burn out but exploring options with our hours.

     

    #393652
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    You are welcome. It was a very generous offer that you made to your friend, to bring all her pets too… dogs, cats? I hope you do find a way to work fewer hours and join a fitness type class or two.

    I am very concerned about the global climate change escalation. What is the situation in Australia, in the area where you live, extreme weather events, heat, droughts, wildfires, flooding in winter (?), etc.?

    anita

    #393665
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. My friend and I are both very concerned about climate change. Some scientists believe Australi a may become the worst affected country. Our present govt have been the worst climate change denialialists because they are the most supportive of big mining companies. Theaters  current new independent candidates who support action and renewables.

    #393669
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: right;”>We have the worst prime minister we have ever had who holidays in Hawaii while our country was burning to the ground and a lot of scientists and people believe climate change is respnsible.</p>

    #393672
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    The sun feels hotter and I wear SPF50 and cover up when I’m driving.  I just don’t go into the sun anymore. We will soon go into autumn thankfully but I will continue with the SOF and keeping out of the sun.  There are a lot of elderly in our town.  All of them have sun damage to their skin, and most have skin cancers. Skin cancer is predicted to increase in Australia with climate change.  Petrol is presently $1.80 per LITRE so electric cars are appealing to a lot of people though they are very expensive and need to be subsidised by govt. New Zealand is a much better country in so many ways..

    #393677
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    I don’t mind at all offering my friend that.  No trouble at all.  She has 3 digs at present and dog sits other people’s dogs. She has 10 alpacas agitated near where I live. She also has an also e tent of poultry including pheasants which are welcome here and cockatiels.

    #393678
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    Well, thank you, Honeyblossom. Climate change is heavy on my mind and heart, feels like (isn’t it?) the ending-in-progress of much of the life on our planet, isn’t it… and lots of current and future suffering. I became all too aware of it all in summer of 2020, with the massive wildfire smoke reaching me from California, making it hard to breathe for days, and then the record high heat last summer, end of June 2021, (never had the need for air conditioning, so didn’t have AC and filled in a tub with cold water, entered it throughout the day to cool off)… and the floodings this winter… and the heaviest snow storm which kept me at home for about 2 weeks in December, water pump frozen and no power for a while… not to mention what I see in the news. I don’t want to be a downer, but … well, it’s on my mind. A lot.

    anita

     

    #393682
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    So sorry to hear Anita.  I recall about 3 years ago, some of our rivers completely dry and all the fish dry.  I try to make my home my little sanctuary and as well as providing a small haven for birds on a hit day, I have many mostly small lizards living here and recently have attracted small frogs which I haven’t seen since childhood.

    #393691
    anita
    Participant

    Dear HoneyBlossom:

    Thank you. It’s so nice… that you make your home your little sanctuary, and a small haven for birds on a hot day. It’s Friday morning where you are, Thursday afternoon my time. Much of last night snow melted, sheets of ice falling from the roof, and I expect to take a walk in the cold air soon, refresh and revive my climate-change-worried brain. Have a good rest of the day!

    anita

    #393721
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thanks so much Anita.  Lovely to be communicating with you too.  Enjoy your walk! 🙂

    #393733
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, HoneyBlossom, and thank you. I am about to leave for my walk in ten minutes.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 114 total)

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