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pink24

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 98 total)
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  • #407352
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Sadlyconfused,

    It’s obvious your husband does think he said something wrong (not hugely wrong, but a bit off color honestly) else he wouldn’t have told you/confessed it to you. So don’t put it all on you, you know?  Sure there might be previous pain–hence your large reaction–but, he could also have said something he probably knows wasn’t the best thing, else he wouldn’t have told you. Both things can be true.

    Suffice to say, I don’t think your husband’s comment is that big of deal. We’re all human, we all flirt. Flirting is fun.  No harm in that. So if you can accept that, then you’re all good. If you trust your husband not to go any farther than that, then cool.

    Just don’t put it all on you, you know? If you had made the same comment to another guy, I don’t think your husband would be too enthused. Being married is tough, and these things do happen. But they’re not the end of the world, rather par for the course. We’re all human!

    Good luck!

    Pink:)

    #407176
    pink24
    Participant

    Girl, I’ve been there! When I was 22 I was living at home and it was a horror show….

    Two words: MOVE OUT! (or at least have a plan to)

    I know you’re probably like, “rents are too high” or “saving money makes sense”  and the thing is, yes, saving money does make sense, so maybe if you can’t move out right now–MAKE. A. PLAN.  Tell yourself, 3 more months, and that’s it. Something like that. And realize that during those months, you’re just not going to have a life.  Or at least not the one you want just yet.

    Your parents will always see you as their little girl. Always. No matter what. I think to save your sanity and your relationship with your parents, you HAVE to have a plan to move out. Your mother sounds super dramatic (mine was the same way) so I’m not sure there’s much talking to sense to them. But you’re an adult now, and you can make your own choices as to what’s best for your life.

    This too shall pass, girl.  Promise! I lived at home for two whole years with literally like FBI parents before I moved out, and I lived to tell.  You will too!

    Good luck!

    Pink 🙂

    #405546
    pink24
    Participant

    Sounds like you have more than most people have. Enjoy it!

    I do agree with Helcat – why be so critical? Where does that come from?  As they say,  whatever darkness you have inside you, bring it to light, and it will soon disappear.

    Good luck!

    Pink 🙂

     

    #405438
    pink24
    Participant

    RUN.

     

    Good luck!

    Pink 🙂

    #405098
    pink24
    Participant

    Hello Kajal,

    Sorry you are going through this heartbreak.

    I have to ask–why observe Islam with him, and then be shocked when you are asked to convert? Did he observe your Hindu holidays or culture on an equal level? Is that why you were shocked?

    In any case, I  hope in the future you protect yourself more, and really think about what you’re willing to give to someone. It reads to me that you really loved him and so you were willing to do whatever for him  – a natural impulse –  BUT that you may not have loved yourself enough first to make him earn such grand efforts of yours. It sounds like you gave yourself away to him.

    Put yourself in his parents’ shoes.  Why wouldn’t they expect you to convert? You’ve already done so much for him in terms of celebrating his holidays, and you seemed ok with it. Conversion does sound like the next logical step.

    Religion is a deal-breaker for many, especially for Muslims who are religious  Please don’t give yourself away so easily next time. Save yourself the heartache. Respect yourself more and have more conversations with your next partner about such issues, before you set your expectations. Honestly, make the next guy work a little harder. Sounds like this one got too comfortable, too.

    Good luck….

    Pink

     

     

     

    #402285
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi there,

    Is your fiance from the Middle East, or somewhere close by even? If so, I can say as a woman of Middle Eastern descent it is very difficult for a man to leave his culture–no matter how Westernized he may appear. Marriage to those in the culture is not just about love, as your fiance said.  This sounds like it is much bigger than you, and I do hope you find peace in the fact that he is not subjecting you to his culture. Expectations of women are much different, and he may have felt you would not have been happy, even though he isn’t saying so.

    All the best

    Pink:)

     

     

     

    #400307
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Hassani,

    I am so sorry you are going through this.

    I think when contemplating leaving a relationship, it’s important to ask yourself – has he done anything to make me think he has changed and realized his mistakes? Because we can’t stay in relationships based on HOPE that our partners will change. That’s living in a delusion, a waste of your time. There has to be concrete action in order for you trust him again.

    You haven’t done anything to deserve this misery. Don’t waste your time on self blame. Just know that these people don’t respect you, and it sounds like they don’t even see you as a human being, more like a vessel for child birth or subjagation by your husband. You deserve better.

    Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind you only have a limited amount of time on this earth, in this life, and it’s up to you to choose how you spend it. Are you going to spend with people who abuse you, or are you going to save yourself and get out, and find a sweet life with good people who deserve you and value you? You’ve been married a short while, so there’s still time to get out with less emotional damage. Just know that the longer you wait to make a plan for yourself, the harder it will be.

    Good luck 🙂

    Pink

    #397190
    pink24
    Participant

    It looks like we’re going to do nothing to really help the Ukranians win. It horrifying to see so much inaction, or rather so much action that will have no effect on the actual situation, on saving lives. I don’t know what the reason is, honestly. It’s just horrifying to watch the whole world do nothing.

    #397154
    pink24
    Participant

    Does anyone else feel like we’re headed towards WWIII?  I’m in America, and it feels like the calm before the storm.

    #396109
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Eric,

    It does sound like you haven’t been out in the world too long.  No one cares about your major. I’ve lived a long time and honestly, I think the last time anyone asked me what my major was, was in college.

    There are plenty of idiots who have econ degrees, or “smart” degrees as you say. Means nothing.

    You sound like a smart person. Stop worrying about the bs that we do in college-we all make bad choices in college–and just trust that people will think you’re smart from the things that actually matter in life – like what comes out of your mouth and how you treat people. Focus on that. And don’t look back.

    Be well. Pink 🙂

     

    #395689
    pink24
    Participant

    Still annoyed, thanks. Putin is horror show.

    #394642
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    I am with you. It’s horrendous. I have a bit of experience in this as I am of Iraqi descent, and many of my family had to flee when America invaded and occupied. The big difference now though is that Putin is evil. This is genocide. It’s a horror to watch.

    The only advice I have is the same advice my cousin from Iraq gave me- give yourself 1 hour each day to check the news. Just one.  I find the less I consume, the less angry I am. It is difficult though.

    I also pray. A lot. I pray for the Ukranian people, and for someone to do something about Putin. I envision a kind of International Police arresting Putin from his desk, as if that even exists. I pray for these organizations like NATO and the UN to  stop worrying about breaking the rules and just do something already.  We’re already in WWIII. Let’s act like it, you know?

    #394153
    pink24
    Participant

    Awww Anita. Thank you SO much for your time. Please know that the pain you endured in your life is now serving to change mine.  Maybe that’s the silver lining in all of this mess of life.

    You speaking about your past experience that way you did – the shame, the guilt–makes me feel unashamed, and safe to do what is best for me. I know, I mean I KNOW what is best, but your words crystallized it for me–it’s the emotional self, that’s who I HAVE to take care of.  With both you and Honeyblossom, I feel supported now. Before now, I knew I’d had enough. But now I feel like I have that bit of support I need to carry me–you know how that is? When it’s just a couple of people saying the right things at the right time, and that’s just enough to push you on?

    Thank you. Again, never underestimate an online forum. I’m really glad I reached out. You did a lot of good. Maybe it’s healing for you too?

    Pink:)

     

     

    #394148
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Anita,   This makes SO much sense. Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. There is a part of me that still wants to be believed. And you’re right, I have to respect the abused girl in me. That’s the most important thing. Why do anything that sickens her? You’re right, it doesn’t matter if the visit is for a minute – the idea is to keep the little girl away. To protect her.

    I think there is so much shame in this society when it comes to cutting off contact with one’s mother.  I think that’s partly why I don’t talk about it to my friends–they’re mothers and I feel like they would judge me in some way. OR like I’d be the weird girl who doesn’t talk to their mother. But it’s ok to cut off a father? Meaning, I never hear anyone shame someone for not talking to their father.

    Thank you Anita for understanding. I feel like you are a safe place. I am really sorry you had to go through this too.  Your insight has really been illuminating for me. I feel guilty though, like I wouldn’t have wasted so much energy had I completely cut off contact earlier. I guess I wasn’t ready to let go of my father, and was willing to take scraps. UGH!

    Pink 🙂

     

    #394133
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Honeyblossom,

    You know what’s funny? No one in my life has ever said that until now–“sorry you have been through this”.  Thank you for that. Really. It means a lot.

    It’s so funny how an online chat can make a difference in someone’s life 🙂

    Pink

     

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 98 total)