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pink24

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 92 total)
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  • #400307
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Hassani,

    I am so sorry you are going through this.

    I think when contemplating leaving a relationship, it’s important to ask yourself – has he done anything to make me think he has changed and realized his mistakes? Because we can’t stay in relationships based on HOPE that our partners will change. That’s living in a delusion, a waste of your time. There has to be concrete action in order for you trust him again.

    You haven’t done anything to deserve this misery. Don’t waste your time on self blame. Just know that these people don’t respect you, and it sounds like they don’t even see you as a human being, more like a vessel for child birth or subjagation by your husband. You deserve better.

    Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind you only have a limited amount of time on this earth, in this life, and it’s up to you to choose how you spend it. Are you going to spend with people who abuse you, or are you going to save yourself and get out, and find a sweet life with good people who deserve you and value you? You’ve been married a short while, so there’s still time to get out with less emotional damage. Just know that the longer you wait to make a plan for yourself, the harder it will be.

    Good luck 🙂

    Pink

    #397190
    pink24
    Participant

    It looks like we’re going to do nothing to really help the Ukranians win. It horrifying to see so much inaction, or rather so much action that will have no effect on the actual situation, on saving lives. I don’t know what the reason is, honestly. It’s just horrifying to watch the whole world do nothing.

    #397154
    pink24
    Participant

    Does anyone else feel like we’re headed towards WWIII?  I’m in America, and it feels like the calm before the storm.

    #396109
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Eric,

    It does sound like you haven’t been out in the world too long.  No one cares about your major. I’ve lived a long time and honestly, I think the last time anyone asked me what my major was, was in college.

    There are plenty of idiots who have econ degrees, or “smart” degrees as you say. Means nothing.

    You sound like a smart person. Stop worrying about the bs that we do in college-we all make bad choices in college–and just trust that people will think you’re smart from the things that actually matter in life – like what comes out of your mouth and how you treat people. Focus on that. And don’t look back.

    Be well. Pink 🙂

     

    #395689
    pink24
    Participant

    Still annoyed, thanks. Putin is horror show.

    #394642
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    I am with you. It’s horrendous. I have a bit of experience in this as I am of Iraqi descent, and many of my family had to flee when America invaded and occupied. The big difference now though is that Putin is evil. This is genocide. It’s a horror to watch.

    The only advice I have is the same advice my cousin from Iraq gave me- give yourself 1 hour each day to check the news. Just one.  I find the less I consume, the less angry I am. It is difficult though.

    I also pray. A lot. I pray for the Ukranian people, and for someone to do something about Putin. I envision a kind of International Police arresting Putin from his desk, as if that even exists. I pray for these organizations like NATO and the UN to  stop worrying about breaking the rules and just do something already.  We’re already in WWIII. Let’s act like it, you know?

    #394153
    pink24
    Participant

    Awww Anita. Thank you SO much for your time. Please know that the pain you endured in your life is now serving to change mine.  Maybe that’s the silver lining in all of this mess of life.

    You speaking about your past experience that way you did – the shame, the guilt–makes me feel unashamed, and safe to do what is best for me. I know, I mean I KNOW what is best, but your words crystallized it for me–it’s the emotional self, that’s who I HAVE to take care of.  With both you and Honeyblossom, I feel supported now. Before now, I knew I’d had enough. But now I feel like I have that bit of support I need to carry me–you know how that is? When it’s just a couple of people saying the right things at the right time, and that’s just enough to push you on?

    Thank you. Again, never underestimate an online forum. I’m really glad I reached out. You did a lot of good. Maybe it’s healing for you too?

    Pink:)

     

     

    #394148
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Anita,   This makes SO much sense. Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. There is a part of me that still wants to be believed. And you’re right, I have to respect the abused girl in me. That’s the most important thing. Why do anything that sickens her? You’re right, it doesn’t matter if the visit is for a minute – the idea is to keep the little girl away. To protect her.

    I think there is so much shame in this society when it comes to cutting off contact with one’s mother.  I think that’s partly why I don’t talk about it to my friends–they’re mothers and I feel like they would judge me in some way. OR like I’d be the weird girl who doesn’t talk to their mother. But it’s ok to cut off a father? Meaning, I never hear anyone shame someone for not talking to their father.

    Thank you Anita for understanding. I feel like you are a safe place. I am really sorry you had to go through this too.  Your insight has really been illuminating for me. I feel guilty though, like I wouldn’t have wasted so much energy had I completely cut off contact earlier. I guess I wasn’t ready to let go of my father, and was willing to take scraps. UGH!

    Pink 🙂

     

    #394133
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Honeyblossom,

    You know what’s funny? No one in my life has ever said that until now–“sorry you have been through this”.  Thank you for that. Really. It means a lot.

    It’s so funny how an online chat can make a difference in someone’s life 🙂

    Pink

     

     

    #394121
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks so much for this analysis. The current state? Well, I haven’t spoken to my sibilings since 2012–except for a few sporadic times, nothing notable except the incident in 2018 you are referring to. As for my parents, since 2012, I’ve gradually lessened contact, spoken sporadically. I spoke to my mother in January, and I just felt that was the end for me.

    Since 2012, I’ve built a new life for myself from scratch. But I still have this lingering pain–like right in my heart–and I feel like it’ll be with me forever. Like some part of me will always feel rejected, and unworthy of love–even though intellectually I know that my mother and older sister suffer from some kind of undiagnosed mental illness, which my other sibling refuses to see. How do you get out of pain, Anita? How do I turn the page, I mean REALLY turn the page, so that all of me looks at my past with empathy and forgiveness?  I know that’s the only way to be free, but dang it, it is really hard.

     

     

     

    #394119
    pink24
    Participant

    Hey Honeyblossom! Nice to hear from you! Ugh your PM sounds like a total douche. Is he still PM? Can you guys vote him out? I have no idea how the politics work in Austrailia. I always had the impression that your country had it’s sh-t together, esp during Covid. But, I guess no country really does. Look at us. We actually elected Donald Trump.

    Peter– I appreciate the thoughts of these diplomats, they do get it. I want them to act! In a video call with the European Parliament, Zelyenskyy literally tossed the paper on his desk and was like, “I’m not going to read from anything, we’re done with paper. We’re in real life now. We’re talking about surviving.” Something like that. I feel like anyone with power needs to be like that. I’m not sure what country you are from, but here in the US I was glad to hear so many congress people be like, “Ok, what else can we do here?” I haven’t seen that kind of energy in our congress in a long time. I hope something has an impact, b/c Ukraine is so outmatched. Ugh Putin is so evil.

    #394033
    pink24
    Participant

    Anita–DANG, girl. You got my number. Holy crap. Yes, I suppose I have demanded my freedom, just by virtue of living without contact with my mother or the siblings that enable her. But why is there still this part of me that wants to punish them?  How do I get rid of that? If you have the magic answer, I’m all ears. You are batting 1 for 1 so I don’t doubt you 🙂

    Also, I really hope that those Americans who voted for Trump see that if he was in office now, the US would be funding what will basically be genocide in Ukraine. I really hope they actually get it now and move on from trump. He needs to be over.

    Peter – Omg, vent AWAY. It actually does help. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s having an experience right now. It’s seriously insane how one crazy person has all of this power. And, he’s lying — flat out lying. His ambassador to the UN literally has the balls – excuse my language, but maybe we’re passed niceties– to show up to the UN and give a speech defending Russia, iafter Zelensky gives his speech – in fatigues –  from Ukraine, with bombs going off in the background and reports of children dying.  Beyond words.   Russia should be kicked out of the UN for this. It’s so insane.

    #393549
    pink24
    Participant

    Ugh…the love of his life? It’s like, ok thanks, so what was I? Nothing? Ugh…. talk about feeling jipped. Not sure if that’s what you meant, but that’s how I read it!

    It’s interesting.  I knew I recognized something in your post that felt familiar to me. Like you, my mother and older sister suffered from mental illness.  That is so hard to deal with. Our mothers and sisters are our first friends in the world, I’ve heard it said. I felt so unloved on really deep and primal level. I kept people at a cool distance my whole life. Over time, I’ve come to see it wasn’t their fault – it was their brain chemistry, not them.  Children love so easily – so there’s proof right there, you know? It took me a long time to make that connection. And to forgive. Not to their faces, but in my heart. As a result, I feel much lighter. But I didn’t want to be the same person anymore, you know?

    Over time, I learned to open myself up more to people. To be vulnerable. Small moment by small moment. I’d do it literally with anyone – a co-worker, the grocery clerk. What I’ve learned is that everyone – I mean, EVERYONE – really longs for authentic connection. It’s pretty amazing and wonderful to experience. And restorative, I have to say. Maybe something to try?

    In gratitude is a great place to be. I’m so glad you’re into it!  It will completely reframe the way you look at your life. Like in a major way.

    Small steps, girl. You know? That’s all we can do.

    Hope this helps,

    Pink 🙂

     

     

    #393501
    pink24
    Participant

    Ugh the sadness is the worst, girl. I get it. I was sad all the time for years, and I felt bad talking to anyone about it b/c I didn’t want to burden anyone. But I came to understand that the Universe, God, whatever you want to call it, kept me away from certain people because they weren’t right for me. Meaning, there’s a purpose to all of this mess of life. And I started to see the miracle of being alive every single day–of watching children play, the leaves change, the great fortune of having a roof over my head and food to eat, since there are so many who do without. In short, gratitude – it saved me. Maybe having gratitude for all that you do have may save you too. There’s a bigger reason you are here, and maybe it has nothing to do with a relationship right now.

    Hope this helps,

    Pink 🙂

     

     

    #393362
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi HoneyBlossom,

    Your post really spoke to my heart. I do have one piece of advice: take your power back. I too have been single for a long time as a result of a bad relationship, and it’s easy to feel defeated.

    But I came to realize one very important thing: we choose who we let into our lives.

    Please look at this time you have as the universe giving you space for you to see who you really are. Water sees its own level, I’ve heard it said. Maybe you need time to become the person you want to attract.

    And don’t beat yourself up–you’ve left these relationships, you know these men are toxic, and that’s a good thing! I think you are much stronger than you think.

    Good luck 🙂 I know you can do it.

    Pink

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 92 total)