Forum Replies Created
December 18, 2022 at 9:15 am #412064
It seems you see that your boyfriend sells you out. I mean, that one time you cited with his family, there were other ways to handle that question. He could have said, “She’s not free. She has a thing” instead of telling them you were scard. He doesn’t have your back. He sells you out, and tries to make a joke out of it at your expense. Not cool.
And the thing is, when you bring it up to him, he sells you out again by making it about him instead of you. He’s not you–if he wouldn’t be bothered by such a thing, who cares?
He doesnt’ have your back in really simple ways. Death by a thousand cuts, I fear. SO, maybe bring it up to him in this manner? I wouldn’t give him more than a year though. You guys aren’t 20, you know?
Pink 🙂December 10, 2022 at 12:28 pm #411686
You guys are growing apart. It’s totallly natural, particularly if your friends are married with kids. That changes everything.
But don’t worry! It happened to me too; it’s totally common. While it hurts now, just know that there are plenty of single people out there going through the same thing. Make new friends. Find a new job. Focus on living your best life – and move on from these people. Honestly they sound pretty rude. Would you even consider them ‘friends’ if not for your history.
History is overrated. I say ghost them.
Pink 🙂December 7, 2022 at 10:49 am #411462
Woah woah woah LM. Please don’t hurt yourself anymore. These a**holes aren’t worth it.
Have you tried therapy? Because it seems to me that picking abusive men may be a reaction to your past of being bullied (so sorry-that must have been so awful). Therapy may help you let all of that pain go. And by then, you’ll be in healthy place to pick someone who shares your values.
Please don’t throw yourself away. You reached out for help here–so there is a part of you that believes you’re worth it, which is good because YOU SO ARE WORTH IT.
Don’t let these jerks from your past define who you are. They suck. They deserve whatever comes to them. Just take care of YOU. That’s your job from no on. No men. No morons. Just YOU.
Sending you good energy 🙂
PinkOctober 31, 2022 at 10:00 am #409397
I have to interject here–“doing what makes you happy” is not something fishy. In fact, it is exactly the kind of relationship my parents had, and they both had successful careers and brought up three children.
I don’t believe we “earn” the right to the follow our purpose in life, and do what makes us happy. We just have to have the courage to do it. We must also be responsible for the consquences and the hardship that follows, because it is far easier to just do what others want you to do.
Another perpective, Samantha! Hope this helps!October 31, 2022 at 5:44 am #409382
Trust your gut. Run for the hills.
Your almost fiance showed you what marriage to him would be like – working for him, his parents coming first, etc. He’s not ap0logizing to you because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
Often times we think we found “the right person”. But that’s not enough; it’s called a relationship for a reason. How your partner relates to you, yes, but also how he relates you to the other parts of his life is just as important since that will constitute your married life.
Find another partner who sees marriage the way you do, which I assume isn’t working for your husband and cow-towing to his parents.
PinkOctober 26, 2022 at 8:37 am #409057
You’re right on this. Keep icing him out.
Just because you’re married doesn’t make you a blow up doll. Seriously, maybe he should consider getting one if he thinks of sex in such an animalistic way…
PinkSeptember 23, 2022 at 1:59 pm #407352
It’s obvious your husband does think he said something wrong (not hugely wrong, but a bit off color honestly) else he wouldn’t have told you/confessed it to you. So don’t put it all on you, you know? Sure there might be previous pain–hence your large reaction–but, he could also have said something he probably knows wasn’t the best thing, else he wouldn’t have told you. Both things can be true.
Suffice to say, I don’t think your husband’s comment is that big of deal. We’re all human, we all flirt. Flirting is fun. No harm in that. So if you can accept that, then you’re all good. If you trust your husband not to go any farther than that, then cool.
Just don’t put it all on you, you know? If you had made the same comment to another guy, I don’t think your husband would be too enthused. Being married is tough, and these things do happen. But they’re not the end of the world, rather par for the course. We’re all human!
Pink:)September 18, 2022 at 10:05 am #407176
Girl, I’ve been there! When I was 22 I was living at home and it was a horror show….
Two words: MOVE OUT! (or at least have a plan to)
I know you’re probably like, “rents are too high” or “saving money makes sense” and the thing is, yes, saving money does make sense, so maybe if you can’t move out right now–MAKE. A. PLAN. Tell yourself, 3 more months, and that’s it. Something like that. And realize that during those months, you’re just not going to have a life. Or at least not the one you want just yet.
Your parents will always see you as their little girl. Always. No matter what. I think to save your sanity and your relationship with your parents, you HAVE to have a plan to move out. Your mother sounds super dramatic (mine was the same way) so I’m not sure there’s much talking to sense to them. But you’re an adult now, and you can make your own choices as to what’s best for your life.
This too shall pass, girl. Promise! I lived at home for two whole years with literally like FBI parents before I moved out, and I lived to tell. You will too!
Pink 🙂August 16, 2022 at 9:00 am #405546
Sounds like you have more than most people have. Enjoy it!
I do agree with Helcat – why be so critical? Where does that come from? As they say, whatever darkness you have inside you, bring it to light, and it will soon disappear.
Pink 🙂August 15, 2022 at 8:22 am #405438
Pink 🙂August 7, 2022 at 9:56 am #405098
Sorry you are going through this heartbreak.
I have to ask–why observe Islam with him, and then be shocked when you are asked to convert? Did he observe your Hindu holidays or culture on an equal level? Is that why you were shocked?
In any case, I hope in the future you protect yourself more, and really think about what you’re willing to give to someone. It reads to me that you really loved him and so you were willing to do whatever for him – a natural impulse – BUT that you may not have loved yourself enough first to make him earn such grand efforts of yours. It sounds like you gave yourself away to him.
Put yourself in his parents’ shoes. Why wouldn’t they expect you to convert? You’ve already done so much for him in terms of celebrating his holidays, and you seemed ok with it. Conversion does sound like the next logical step.
Religion is a deal-breaker for many, especially for Muslims who are religious Please don’t give yourself away so easily next time. Save yourself the heartache. Respect yourself more and have more conversations with your next partner about such issues, before you set your expectations. Honestly, make the next guy work a little harder. Sounds like this one got too comfortable, too.
PinkJune 11, 2022 at 10:22 am #402285
Is your fiance from the Middle East, or somewhere close by even? If so, I can say as a woman of Middle Eastern descent it is very difficult for a man to leave his culture–no matter how Westernized he may appear. Marriage to those in the culture is not just about love, as your fiance said. This sounds like it is much bigger than you, and I do hope you find peace in the fact that he is not subjecting you to his culture. Expectations of women are much different, and he may have felt you would not have been happy, even though he isn’t saying so.
All the best
Pink:)May 16, 2022 at 6:26 am #400307
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I think when contemplating leaving a relationship, it’s important to ask yourself – has he done anything to make me think he has changed and realized his mistakes? Because we can’t stay in relationships based on HOPE that our partners will change. That’s living in a delusion, a waste of your time. There has to be concrete action in order for you trust him again.
You haven’t done anything to deserve this misery. Don’t waste your time on self blame. Just know that these people don’t respect you, and it sounds like they don’t even see you as a human being, more like a vessel for child birth or subjagation by your husband. You deserve better.
Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind you only have a limited amount of time on this earth, in this life, and it’s up to you to choose how you spend it. Are you going to spend with people who abuse you, or are you going to save yourself and get out, and find a sweet life with good people who deserve you and value you? You’ve been married a short while, so there’s still time to get out with less emotional damage. Just know that the longer you wait to make a plan for yourself, the harder it will be.
Good luck 🙂
PinkApril 6, 2022 at 6:22 pm #397190
It looks like we’re going to do nothing to really help the Ukranians win. It horrifying to see so much inaction, or rather so much action that will have no effect on the actual situation, on saving lives. I don’t know what the reason is, honestly. It’s just horrifying to watch the whole world do nothing.April 6, 2022 at 7:24 am #397154
Does anyone else feel like we’re headed towards WWIII? I’m in America, and it feels like the calm before the storm.