October 30, 2022 at 4:20 pm #409362AnonymousInactive
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Hello. This situation has been bothering me for a while, and I would love your input. Recently, my ex and I broke up. We spent years together, some of which was long distance. We worked through everything together and were almost getting married. We were both certain that we were the “right one” for each other and often reminded each other of how lucky we were.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>After that discussion, he completely changed. He went from “I want you to do what makes you happy” to “I need you to work for me in the future, because we’ll make a lot more money that way.” He said the latter several times, to the point where I was completely numb with shock. He also said he’d always take his parents’ side, and that they had never treated me condescendingly. He let our relationship go.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Ever since, we’ve stayed in touch sporadically – I was the first to check up on him, wondering if he really meant what he said. I’ve apologized for leaving that first time, but he’s never apologized for his part in everything. I’m more accepting now of our separation, and I don’t want to create tension between him and his parents, but I can’t help but still love him so much. It stuns me to think that he changed so quickly.</span>
<span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I can’t help but worry that this was all my fault. What is your impression of my situation? What do you suggest? </span>
Thank you for any suggestions you have for me.October 30, 2022 at 6:47 pm #409368anitaParticipant
It looks like in between the first paragraph of your original post and the second, there is missing paragraph or two in regard to “that conversation”. Would you like to fill in what’s missing regarding the conversation and what preceded the conversation?
anitaOctober 31, 2022 at 5:44 am #409382pink24Participant
Trust your gut. Run for the hills.
Your almost fiance showed you what marriage to him would be like – working for him, his parents coming first, etc. He’s not ap0logizing to you because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
Often times we think we found “the right person”. But that’s not enough; it’s called a relationship for a reason. How your partner relates to you, yes, but also how he relates you to the other parts of his life is just as important since that will constitute your married life.
Find another partner who sees marriage the way you do, which I assume isn’t working for your husband and cow-towing to his parents.
PinkOctober 31, 2022 at 6:47 am #409386thosedaysParticipant
Do you find this phrase fishy?
“I want you to do what makes you happy”
It means you can enjoy unearned privilege. When it comes to a nitty gritty relationship, it takes two to tango.
That phrase sounds to me that he is trying to please you to maintain the relationship. If a relationship is built based on words of promises, instead of knowing each other well, then a sudden change may give you a surprise.
If he happens to be together again, try to understand him well and see what is his future planning.
cheers.October 31, 2022 at 10:00 am #409397pink24Participant
I have to interject here–“doing what makes you happy” is not something fishy. In fact, it is exactly the kind of relationship my parents had, and they both had successful careers and brought up three children.
I don’t believe we “earn” the right to the follow our purpose in life, and do what makes us happy. We just have to have the courage to do it. We must also be responsible for the consquences and the hardship that follows, because it is far easier to just do what others want you to do.
Another perpective, Samantha! Hope this helps!