October 26, 2023 at 12:30 pm #423765
hi! I am not sure if this is the right place to post this. if not, admin, please let me know.
I don’t receive much happy birthday wishes from friends. I am the type of person who don’t announce it but secretly hope that friends will remember. I don’t share it on social media nor do I share that it’s my bday month. Throughout the years, I have received happy birthday messages from friends but alot of the times, it’s never on the exact date.
Today, I did something different, after receiving my friend’s bday wishes, I corrected her that my birthday was yesterday (in the past, I would just let that slide with the mindset that I should be grateful at least they remembered)
Why did I speak up? Because I am important.
I made the decision to put myself first. To remind myself that I am important as much as anyone else. I deserve to be seen, to be heard and to be celebrated.
To be honest, I didn’t feel comfortable doing it because it’s something that I have never done before.
I spoke to my sister about it. She said I was asking too much. I should have just let it slide and not overthink the situation (I’d also be much happier too) She added that people have lives and I should just be grateful that they remember. I shouldn’t be asking too much especially at my age (mid-30s).
So my question as stated in the title, am I asking too much? Am I being immature for something that is so small and irrelevant?
Thank you in advance.
My background: I am a middle child and without a doubt I have the middle child syndrome. Growing up I never received the attention, care and love that I wanted. Everything felt so conditional. If I wanted something, I had to work hard for it. I lived many years wondering what did I do wrong or what can I do better so I can be loved more. This eventually led to people pleasing and the need to make everyone happy other than myself. For years, I felt guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, unworthy, and sorry for myself. There was a constant need to prove to the world that I am worthy and enough. I also lived with alot of anger. Through out the years, I have done many work to heal myself and my past. But there are days I feel like I shouldn’t ask so much since I am not a child anymore. I should accept, let it go, and live life as it is.October 26, 2023 at 5:05 pm #423770anitaParticipant
“Why did I speak up? Because I am important“- Yes, you are! You are important, and I am glad you spoke up!
“I made the decision to put myself first. To remind myself that I am important as much as anyone else. I deserve to be seen, to be heard and to be celebrated“- beautifully articulated!
“I spoke to my sister about it. She said I was asking too much“- I disagree with your sister.
“I am a middle child and without a doubt I have the middle child syndrome. Growing up I never received the attention, care and love that I wanted. Everything felt so conditional“- it may be that your sister and perhaps your other sibling.. and maybe parents, all got used to not giving you the attention that you need, sort of in that habit…?
(We communicated for a short while back in July 2021 in your first thread, by the way).
anitaNovember 1, 2023 at 11:46 am #424420pink24Participant
Hey! Reading your post made me feel like I’m reading my former self. I’m a middle child too!
So, here’s some advice from a person ten years older. No, you’re not asking too much.
You’re asking what I suspect you yourself give. You probably felt the need to talk about it because this new approach to life – asking for what you want – is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. And of course your sister dismissed you. You’re the middle child. Who cares what you want, right?
Keep going, girl. Do YOU. It’s going to feel uncomfortable, but who cares. And PS, “happy belated birthday” is a thing. Sucks your “friend” didn’t get it right. Isn’t that what social media is for? To keep those dates in check? Ugh anyway. Good luck girl! Sending you good vibes!
🙂 PinkNovember 17, 2023 at 8:54 pm #425108
Thank you Anita for your reply! And thank you for your help as well back in 2021!
Hope you’ve been well.November 17, 2023 at 8:55 pm #425109
Pink, thank you and thank you for the good vibes 🙂November 18, 2023 at 9:13 am #425112anitaParticipant
You are welcome, and I am well, thank you!
Back on July 15, 2021, you shared the following quote: “Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realise there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” Lao Tzu.
How is the quote working for you these days, 2 years, 4 months and 3 days later?
anitaNovember 19, 2023 at 3:11 am #425116LunaIsHereParticipant
Thank you for reaching out about your concern, and I hope I’m not too late to the ”party” haha,
Reading your post, I was overflowing with emotions. Most of it was empathy because I felt that many can share with you the same journey; that of healing your sense of self and re-claiming the love that you wished you had for yourself in a world that can be very cruel and unforgiving. In that sense, and such as this space here, we are all just looking for that ray of light that will keep us going and listening to our voices.
I tried to be a little poetic there to alleviate the heaviness of your post; a theme that I relate to as well. I think the best kind of advice that you could use right now, and from my own experience with self-love, is that you can give yourself everything that you need and want; it might sound weird at first, even a little naive, a little pretentious but at this point, I say take the risk to feel a little silly to feel good about yourself. It sounds like you are putting so much pressure on yourself so try to find ease in your life right now, only then do you get closer to your voice that will tell you what it is you really want and need right now. Try to also find some joy without holding yourself to a standard. Gratitude could be a game changer in this context. Finally, I left this because it is often the hardest thing to do for most, try to get familiar with the perspective of celebrating yourself. A little research on that perspective could do so much for you right now.
Before finishing this reply, I want to leave you with the words that a very competent person told me once: “Instead of thinking ‘I’m the only person to fall back’ on, think ‘I’m the best person to fall back on’ ”
I hope that you were able to feel better about this concern. We are cheering for you and belated happy birthday!