Forum Replies Created
September 24, 2023 at 5:26 am #422431
Good day/night, Helcat!
I’m doing alright, thank you. It’s getting colder and I cannot help but notice the change in the season.
I wish you all the best in writing this book! I hope you get to it one day.
Ah, I feel! A tattoo is a commitment in itself and I understand why you’d want to take time with it. That’s an attitude I can relate to.
Honestly, I could sum up those dynamics that I have seen as ”not so healthy” and I think this is the reason why I’m concerned with this matter today. Also, on a lowkey note, my closest friend got into a relationship around the same time we both started seeing people. I gotta say that left me feeling a bit bittersweet at first ha ha though I’m very happy for her. Generally, I’m very happy when I see a healthy couple.
Hmm, I like that you raised the point on boundaries. I guess the main challenge I’ve faced when it comes to that is dealing with mixed signals. How about you?
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m glad you were able to cross to the other side and keep yourself as a priority. I feel like that is a healthy starting approach to dating.
Peace and love to you,
LunaSeptember 24, 2023 at 4:54 am #422430
Thank you for your sincerity throughout this message, and I’m sorry for what you have experienced as a child.
I can see how you’re drawing the link between the parent-child bond and my inquiry and I expected this to be brought up given they’re the most common models in terms of a healthy (or not) couple partnership. So to get back to your question, like any other child, I have received powerful messages from my environment on how to act and be in a couple.
Following up on my second message on this matter, my question comes back to what extent can I help myself get to the point where I can have a healthy relationship if I don’t have a reference to it. I realize that is a big question given that first relationships often end up being a test before one really settles but even them, with enough work on oneself, can be constructive in terms of gaining social experience and a better understanding of people.
In other words, I’m asking about getting mentally ready for being in a relationship through self-development. For more context, I’m very passionate about self-development and I’m very future-oriented when it comes to matters of the heart.
LunaSeptember 19, 2023 at 1:49 pm #422274
Thank you for your response.
”Some things you can only learn by doing.”
That’s well put!! indeed, there is so much abundance in how people experience more or less the same lessons.
Haha, maybe you should write one then! Well, I don’t know how organized (or not) this response is going to be but I’ll try:
I have some concerns about dating, mainly because of the models I’ve seen throughout my life in relationships. I have actually spent a lot of time pondering on this aspect that at some point it started to feel like a rabbit hole (like the one in Alice in Wonderland if you’re familiar with the story) and I just want something more practical now. But conversations like these help in the overall sense.
Likewise! Feel free to tell me what’s on your mind and I’d be glad to check in here to read one of your experiences in the subject. All within the framework of gaining a new perspective to best navigate the complexities of relationships.
Thank you and I wish you all the best on your way too, my friend!
With so much love today too,
LunaSeptember 14, 2023 at 11:17 am #422090
First of all, I congratulate you for your willingness to take this leap of faith in yourself when it comes to socializing. I’m an introvert myself, and I know how it feels to have only a small circle that you keep to yourself for emotional and mental support rather than a large one that you hardly really know. I’m sorry about what happened to your friends’ group.
Yet, I think right now is a good time to get to know yourself again. My suggestion would be to take up a new hobby, best if it is outdoors and has a community where you live. It would also be a good idea if you could consider coaching to make the process easier to shift from the divorce and to redefine your goals, and your motivation in life. However, it is not necessary as there is so much that you can do by yourself: Go on a trip if you can and try to rebuild your circle of friendships, join a reading club. There are so many options for you right now and the key is to find the joy of being yourself out there again.
I hope you find what you’re looking for soon, my friend.
All the best,
LunaSeptember 14, 2023 at 11:02 am #422089
Thank you so much for the detailed response and for addressing different angles of my concern. Your response has raised several points among which one has peculiarly stood out; I’ve never thought about the spectrum you mentioned and it was interesting to think of an answer to that.
When it comes to the feeling of noviceness, I think I feel intimidated by my lack of understanding of relationships on a realistic level. It is like I create ease when it comes to other life areas but not when it comes to dating.
I also agree that I’m self-aware, hence why I know that gaining some dating experience will help me become a better version of myself. Also, I appreciate you for sharing your story, and in a way, it illustrates my perspective. Hence, I would agree that I’m a little more introspective than most, and I do not like to think of that as a con when it comes to dating because it has allowed me to understand many things about my preferences in navigating society. Yet, at the same time, I’m starting to feel like the other things that I need to learn are no longer up to my self-reflection nor it is in the emotional support that friendships offer -both of which I’m grateful for- but they are in something deeper than both.
For me, dating is the door to the rest of my introspective journey, and I’m struggling to find the keys right now.
I wish you all the best in your found relationship and, as I’ve given an honorable mention to friendships, feel free to get back with more of your experience and I hope that a beautiful sense of friendship can bloom from this exchange!
With so much love,
LunaJanuary 7, 2023 at 4:06 am #413322
I hope this reply finds you well.
While reading your submission, I felt so much depth behind the story of your relationship and I caught on the care that each of you have for each other. From what it seems to me and from your narration, I feel like this could be a decisive time for your relationship and that does not necessarily mean a bad thing. In this sense, since evolving is only natural and you both seem to have a great love for each other, getting through this tough time for both you as individuals and partners will do wonders for your relationship if you do find each other again. This is the best time to wish each other well, to learn to be patient, to find the courage within yourseleves to go through life and its challenges, this the time to explore your possibilities as individuals and together as partners or as people who really care for each other (labels aside).
While I can see how this time might feel really hard for you, and for her as well, it is going to test the depth of your relationship in a way that you will have a direction if you come back together, and even parting, although it does sound tough right now, would be done mindfully. The most important thing, right now, it seems to me, is for you to have no expectations and let go of any outcome. You need to be sure of what you want so that when the time comes to make a decision, whatever it is, you will make it proudly and certaintly.
For now, as well, do your best to listen to how you feel and take care of yourself, and be receptive when she needs help. Those moments of help are always remembered. It is most likely that you will be a good and sweet memory of her if your hand is outstreched for her to hold regardless of the outcome after her healing process. Have faith in the beauty of your relationship and have faith in yourself that this is temporary and better times are coming for both you. I wish you both the very best and I hope that you can find comfort in these words somehow.
Also, I wish her a successful healing and I hope you both find the strength that you need in these hard times.
Sending you peace and love your way today,
-LunaisHereJanuary 3, 2023 at 6:16 am #413105
Happy New Year!
Thank you Helcat for starting this discussion!
I hope your plans for the new year are going well so far! Belated congratulations and I hope that you are feeling content and hopeful from your new job! Also, I wish you all the best on your exams!
Sending you encouragement and love your way today too!
-LunaIsHereDecember 29, 2022 at 10:25 am #412819
Hello Maisy! I hope this reply finds you well
I have read your submission well. From my understqnding of your situation, this is my input:
First of all, your reaction to the person in question`s text after so much time having passed is valid. Meditate on the way you feel.
The good news is that you are not alone in this experience. In a way, I relate to the feeling of having boundaries with people despite having met a couple of times. However, not everyone get that message and at worst, they take it personally.
In this context, what I think would be best in this situation is to give it time and apply the benefit of doubt to this person. Try to find it in your heart not to feel attacked by this person for the tension. In this sense, the best way would be to focus on the way you truly feel and journal the process of speaking about these emotions on a seperate notebook.
In addition to the sound points of view shared above, consider the following phrases (whose owner I do not remember):
What you feel, you attract, and
where focus goes, energy follows. Hence, in the current time, be gentle with yourself and avoid reading into your feelings. Keep in mind that this situation is temporary and healthy friendships are effortless.
I hope this helps. Stay strong!