November 15, 2023 at 1:50 am #425045
Hello, Luna speaking!
It has been a while since I posted something on here. This is going to be long but I need a good ear and words of comfort if not some wise insights from real people right now. I thank you beforehand for taking the time to read this post.
Anyway, right now I’m processing letting go of a friendship I deeply cared about a year ago. This friend and I have special memories together but as each pursued her own way, I’ve started to realize that our friendship was fading out.
I’ve definitely tried to fight for what we had. But I realized that the more I did, the emptier I felt. The friendship on many ways felt one-sided and at the time I put a blind eye to those signs because I needed my friendship with her then.
Now that the context has greatly changed and our roads have diverged, I’ve decided to move on but she hasn’t. I’ve had my fair share with closures in relationships and I still feel a little bad about “leaving” someone without giving a proper explanation but I feel like that would be unnecessary at this point; The result would be the same.
Your insights would be most appreciated in how I can overcome the emptiness I feel right now. Your experiences are most welcome. Thank you,
With so much love,
-LunaNovember 15, 2023 at 9:39 am #425053
Welcome back to the forums!
You asked for “words of comfort if not some wise insights… Your insights would be most appreciated in how I can overcome the emptiness I feel right now. Your experiences are most welcome” in regard to a friendship that has faded out for some time as the two of you pursued different ways; a friendship that was one-sided in many ways, but you have put a blind eye to the one-sidedness because you needed her. You fought for what the friendship was before fading out, but the more you fought, the emptier you felt. You decided to move on from the friendship, but she hasn’t moved on. You didn’t give her a proper explanation to moving on because you feel it’d be unnecessary at this point.
My response is about my personal experience (some of it may- or not- resonate with you), and it will include words of comfort, best I can.
I know Emptiness. The no-one-is-there-for-me Emptiness. This I-am-all-alone type of emptiness, such that took me into countless going down the rabbit hole mental experiences that further confused me. I tried so hard and for so long to understand and was not able to understand enough to bring myself up from the rabbit hole.. into the light, so to speak.
There is certain amount of alone-ness that is simply too much to bear. Togetherness (aka love) is a real, non-negotiable human need. Love and Light are synonymous. Acute alone-ness/ loneliness and darkness are synonymous.
How to overcome the emptiness, you asked. My answer: reach out to others, as you have done here, on your thread, but be discerning: some people you reach out to are too preoccupied with their own problems.. or rabbit holes, to have space for you. Some people have agendas that won’t fit you. Some people project into you other people in their lives and react to.. what you didn’t mean to say, etc. Many are angry.
Right above, I tried to reach out to you, to present to you my understanding and see if you share it.. and maybe we can have a meeting of the minds, or better yet, a meeting of the hearts.
Words of comfort: May your emptiness be filled with (chosen) togetherness, a togetherness that will fill your life with light!
anitaNovember 16, 2023 at 2:05 am #425070EvFranParticipant
It’s nice to see you back. I am so sad to read about your friendship ending. Every friend is so precious and I always think it will last forever whatever happens – call me naive or idealist. I am convinced that good friends can talk about issues and explain things – even if things end with a separation, I would need to talk it out and understand what had happened. Unfortunately it’s not always possible.
So if you’d like to share more or discuss point of views, let me know. I’ve lost a few good friends lately, so maybe an outsider point of you could be helpful or comforting .
I can only repeat what Anita said: try to go out and connect with other friends or even strangers. Go to movies, to theaters, to markets or for a swim. That’s what I do in order to focus on more positive things in life.
I hope that you’ll feel better soon! Hugs, EvaNovember 16, 2023 at 6:12 am #425072
I hope that you’ve been well.
Thank you for your thorough responses as always.
Also, thank you for responding with such empathy. It was really comforting to know that I’m not alone in my experience of emptiness. I must say it is a riveting feeling that leaves a bittersweet aftertaste but I’m glad to know that I can overcome it.
I have definitely considered reaching out. I think I’ve spent the past month reevaluting my relationships and it has gotten to a point where I’m just drained from it. I’m very much aware that I need new energy into my life.
I hope the same for you and perhaps we may have a meeting of minds, hearts and souls one day. Until then, I wish that yours find peace and joy during these hectic times.
With so much love and peace,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>-Luna</p>November 16, 2023 at 6:26 am #425073
Thank you for the warm welcome!
I also thank you for your empathetic response to my story! I don’t think that is naive or idealist at all, I follow up on what anita said about love being a non negotiable human need and I add to that my own overall impression of my experience with friendship that is one of a lot of growth. In other words, keeping hope and seeing the light in friendships today is inspiring when everyone seems to lose patience and clarity of what really matters: Genuine and healthy human connections. I know too well what it is like to long to have someone that sticks by your side for being who you are. So I respect a positive perspective on friendships a lot.
Of course. The latest developement is that I have not responded (yet) to her reaching out once so far. But to give more details onto this story is that by one sided friendship, I meant that I felt like our friendship was at the bottom of her priorities when I had my own things going on as well. I Just didn’t feel like she was putting enough effort into it and at point I just felt like I was alone figthing for something I couldn’t define anymore. Since not much time has gone since I had my closure, I catch myself thinking that maybe if I explain this to her there would be a chance but my gut tells me otherwise. Especially when I have given her a chance to get together and talk on her own timing but she didn’t show up. This might as well be a good example.
And I’m sorry about you losing all those good friendships. However, I’d recommend not to think of it as “loss” but perhaps of experience that is helping you grow into a better you. That is a perspective that has been helping me so far.
Thank you for the good wishes and I hope you find yourself in a better place too!
With so much love and compassion,
-LunaNovember 16, 2023 at 8:09 am #425076
I am well, thank you and you are welcome, a pleasure to communicate with you.
(I am adding the boldface feature to the quote): “It was really comforting to know that I’m not alone in my experience of emptiness… I wish that yours find peace and joy during these hectic times…. keeping hope and seeing the light in friendships today is inspiring when everyone seems to lose patience and clarity of what really matters: Genuine and healthy human connections“- You express yourself so well.
I believe that it is emptiness, or as I typed it, emptiness with a capital E, that is behind these hectic times we live in, the violence, the wars. If only genuine and healthy human connections were common, beginning inside homes as children grow up, the world would be a different place. Emptiness (lack of genuine and healthy human connections) creates sickness, impatience, confusion.. and wars. Genuine and healthy human connections create patience, clarity and peace.
It reminds me of the 1984 fantasy movie The Never Ending Story. In it, The Nothing is a force that was destroying the magnificent land of Fantasia, a force representing the consuming despair of people who lose their hopes, dreams, and meaning in life.
For me, The Nothing is synonymous with Emptiness.
“I’ve spent the past month reevaluating my relationships and it has gotten to a point where I’m just drained from it. I’m very much aware that I need new energy into my life… by one sided friendship, I meant that I felt like our friendship was at the bottom of her priorities… I have given her a chance to get together and talk on her own timing but she didn’t show up“-
– genuine and healthy human connections invigorate, energize, revive, rejuvenate or comfort and calm the distressed mind. Too many human connections (between parents and children, between siblings, between husbands and wives.. between coworkers, between strangers on the street and in the supermarket, between people online, etc.) drain, misuse, abuse or create positive expectations that are not followed through.
“With so much love and peace… love and compassion“- may love and compassion in our words and behaviors lead to peace in the hearts and minds of the people we interact with, and in the world as a whole.
anitaNovember 17, 2023 at 2:42 am #425096EvFranParticipant
I hope that you are well. I am glad that we agree on the importance of genuine friendship where we feel equal. I understand what you mean by one-sided relationship. It’s very generous and kind of you that you had reached out to your friend and I find it simply rude that she didn’t show up. Maybe she couldn’t but she could have told you in advance. I really don’t know why it has become so difficult to communicate when we have all the tools of the universe. Life worked fine – or even better – without cell phones. When we agreed with my friends that we would meet somewhere in a few days, it worked out perfectly well. I could find streets with a paper map as well. I am not against technology but I notice some regression since we have the option to communicate so fast. I love my Google maps and other gadgets and wonder sometimes how I could even exist without it before 🙂
Yes, you are right, we must learn from our experiences. I have realized it and learned my lessons. I still love and miss those lost friends but it was their choice to leave me, so I cannot do much about it.
I understand your dilemma about the situation. It’s so hard. You know her very well, so just follow your gut feeling. Maybe you could explain to her in a letter how you’ve been feeling for a while, that’s why you end the relationship. I think it’s a respectful way of ending a long and deep friendship.
I am sure that you will take the good decision, let me know about the progress.
EvaNovember 19, 2023 at 2:37 am #425114
I hope you’ve been well since the last time,
Talking about the world being a better place with healthy connections, I’d wished for the same thing, but I try not to daydream too much about it now. At some point we all learn to accept that is not the world’s reality. At the same time, we all begin to build our understanding of emptiness, and it is striking to know that the experience of it never really ends either.
I’ve never watched that movie. I’ll have to try.
That’s true. Healthy and genuine human connections are a resource for so much growth and happiness that we find on the outside. I hope that the Universe puts those our way as we go about this challenging life at these challenging times for all.
That’s a beautiful ”prayer” and I hope the same too.
It’s a pleasure to hear from you.
Until next time, be well.
-LunaNovember 19, 2023 at 2:52 am #425115
I hope that this reply finds you well,
I hear your frustration and I share it with you too. I was born and grew up at a time when the internet was already a ”thing” in communication but I identify with this longing for something real so much, and sometimes a little more than the average around me, that I’d often caught myself before thinking that I didn’t belong to this time and age. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming. I do not know how you have grown up but seeing that you have memories from before technology was a thing in communication, it makes me feel a little wishful I had those too. Then again, that would be unfair to the real connections I’ve made where I’m but in this context of losing a friend at a time where communication is at our disposal, I must say it does feel a little bittersweet right now.
I think loss, in all its forms, is one of the hardest feelings to experience. I do not know about the depth of friendship that tied you to those friends but I do know that losing them must have felt like a part of you was fading with them leaving. I think that is the hardest thing to move on from but on the brighter side, the deeper it is, the deeper your growth and the stronger you can become from it.
For what it is an update on the development of my situation, we ended up talking and it did feel like the closure of something. I do not know yet if it is the friendship that we were closing or a chapter but I do know that I want things differently for myself moving forward in this department. If anything, the talk we had was the closure that I needed to process the change.
Thank you for your empathy as always and I wish you good luck on your journey too,
with a lot of love and gentleness,
-LunaNovember 19, 2023 at 7:35 am #425117
I am well, thank you.
“we all begin to build our understanding of emptiness, and it is striking to know that the experience of it never really ends either“- amazingly, the experience of Emptiness, on a personal level, did end for me in the last few years and most significantly, in the last year. It happened some time after I moved from a very big city to an agricultural town where everyone seems to know everyone and people are predominantly kind and have treated me kindly, like an equal.
The change in how I feel as a result is.. seems like depression is gone, the despair is gone. I feel more alive, as in looking forward to life, instead of hiding from it. In real life, I reach out to people I never met (ex., people who visit this town from a big city to the south or north) excitedly, like a child eager to connect, without the previous shame and self consciousness.
“I’ve never watched that movie. I’ll have to try“- the technological side to the movie is not evolved, so it’s not as fancy as later movies.. but maybe you will like it because of that. This movie inspired me so much at the time, that I left the country I grew up in, all by myself, on a journey inspired by the journey of Atreyu, a child warrior, a character in the movie.
Here is a quote from the movie (G’mork is the agent of The Nothing):
“Atreyu: What is the Nothing?
– G’mork: It’s the emptiness that’s left. It’s like a despair, destroying this world. And I have been trying to help it.
– Atreyu: But why?
– G’mork: Because people who have no hopes are easy to control; and whoever has the control… has the power!”
Isn’t it true.. what G’mork said… ?