Forum Replies Created
Thank you for reaching out about your concern, and I hope I’m not too late to the ”party” haha,
Reading your post, I was overflowing with emotions. Most of it was empathy because I felt that many can share with you the same journey; that of healing your sense of self and re-claiming the love that you wished you had for yourself in a world that can be very cruel and unforgiving. In that sense, and such as this space here, we are all just looking for that ray of light that will keep us going and listening to our voices.
I tried to be a little poetic there to alleviate the heaviness of your post; a theme that I relate to as well. I think the best kind of advice that you could use right now, and from my own experience with self-love, is that you can give yourself everything that you need and want; it might sound weird at first, even a little naive, a little pretentious but at this point, I say take the risk to feel a little silly to feel good about yourself. It sounds like you are putting so much pressure on yourself so try to find ease in your life right now, only then do you get closer to your voice that will tell you what it is you really want and need right now. Try to also find some joy without holding yourself to a standard. Gratitude could be a game changer in this context. Finally, I left this because it is often the hardest thing to do for most, try to get familiar with the perspective of celebrating yourself. A little research on that perspective could do so much for you right now.
Before finishing this reply, I want to leave you with the words that a very competent person told me once: “Instead of thinking ‘I’m the only person to fall back’ on, think ‘I’m the best person to fall back on’ ”
I hope that you were able to feel better about this concern. We are cheering for you and belated happy birthday!
I hope that this reply finds you well,
I hear your frustration and I share it with you too. I was born and grew up at a time when the internet was already a ”thing” in communication but I identify with this longing for something real so much, and sometimes a little more than the average around me, that I’d often caught myself before thinking that I didn’t belong to this time and age. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming. I do not know how you have grown up but seeing that you have memories from before technology was a thing in communication, it makes me feel a little wishful I had those too. Then again, that would be unfair to the real connections I’ve made where I’m but in this context of losing a friend at a time where communication is at our disposal, I must say it does feel a little bittersweet right now.
I think loss, in all its forms, is one of the hardest feelings to experience. I do not know about the depth of friendship that tied you to those friends but I do know that losing them must have felt like a part of you was fading with them leaving. I think that is the hardest thing to move on from but on the brighter side, the deeper it is, the deeper your growth and the stronger you can become from it.
For what it is an update on the development of my situation, we ended up talking and it did feel like the closure of something. I do not know yet if it is the friendship that we were closing or a chapter but I do know that I want things differently for myself moving forward in this department. If anything, the talk we had was the closure that I needed to process the change.
Thank you for your empathy as always and I wish you good luck on your journey too,
with a lot of love and gentleness,
I hope you’ve been well since the last time,
Talking about the world being a better place with healthy connections, I’d wished for the same thing, but I try not to daydream too much about it now. At some point we all learn to accept that is not the world’s reality. At the same time, we all begin to build our understanding of emptiness, and it is striking to know that the experience of it never really ends either.
I’ve never watched that movie. I’ll have to try.
That’s true. Healthy and genuine human connections are a resource for so much growth and happiness that we find on the outside. I hope that the Universe puts those our way as we go about this challenging life at these challenging times for all.
That’s a beautiful ”prayer” and I hope the same too.
It’s a pleasure to hear from you.
Until next time, be well.
Thank you for the warm welcome!
I also thank you for your empathetic response to my story! I don’t think that is naive or idealist at all, I follow up on what anita said about love being a non negotiable human need and I add to that my own overall impression of my experience with friendship that is one of a lot of growth. In other words, keeping hope and seeing the light in friendships today is inspiring when everyone seems to lose patience and clarity of what really matters: Genuine and healthy human connections. I know too well what it is like to long to have someone that sticks by your side for being who you are. So I respect a positive perspective on friendships a lot.
Of course. The latest developement is that I have not responded (yet) to her reaching out once so far. But to give more details onto this story is that by one sided friendship, I meant that I felt like our friendship was at the bottom of her priorities when I had my own things going on as well. I Just didn’t feel like she was putting enough effort into it and at point I just felt like I was alone figthing for something I couldn’t define anymore. Since not much time has gone since I had my closure, I catch myself thinking that maybe if I explain this to her there would be a chance but my gut tells me otherwise. Especially when I have given her a chance to get together and talk on her own timing but she didn’t show up. This might as well be a good example.
And I’m sorry about you losing all those good friendships. However, I’d recommend not to think of it as “loss” but perhaps of experience that is helping you grow into a better you. That is a perspective that has been helping me so far.
Thank you for the good wishes and I hope you find yourself in a better place too!
With so much love and compassion,
I hope that you’ve been well.
Thank you for your thorough responses as always.
Also, thank you for responding with such empathy. It was really comforting to know that I’m not alone in my experience of emptiness. I must say it is a riveting feeling that leaves a bittersweet aftertaste but I’m glad to know that I can overcome it.
I have definitely considered reaching out. I think I’ve spent the past month reevaluting my relationships and it has gotten to a point where I’m just drained from it. I’m very much aware that I need new energy into my life.
I hope the same for you and perhaps we may have a meeting of minds, hearts and souls one day. Until then, I wish that yours find peace and joy during these hectic times.
With so much love and peace,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>-Luna</p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear EvFran</p>
It has been a while,
I’m really glad to hear that my peice of advice was helpful to you and I’m excited to hear about how you’ve been moving forwards!
Among the points that you have raised in your reply I relate most to that on “”people I attract”. In fact, I’ve always reflected on this thought and I’m coming to realize that perhaps, people attract those that reflect their current energy the most right now. For instance, if much of your energy has been focused on your fitness, (and I mean “you/r” in impersonal “you/r”) the people you are most likely to attract ( as in to “notice” and who “notice” you back) are those who are at the moment concerned about their fitness in some way too.
I don’t know to what extent this is accurate but so far I’ve noticed it in my own experience with people.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing your updates soon.
Sorry for the belated reply.
First, I’d like to thank you for your detailed messages as always. Secondly, I understand that the main theme in your reasoning are how unresolved conflicts in childhood affect long term romantic relationships and I can agree with that hence the importance of personal development and having an opem heart and mind to the life lessons we get as we move forward.
That being said, you being vulnerable about past wounds shows that you are well on your healing process. I wish all the best of luck on your way.
As for the point that has been raised throughout our interactions on intellectualizing emotions. I realize that everyone is prone to doing that at some point as we learn to better process our emotional world and even make the most of it in our real world.
Thank you for your empathy but I have rather more ups than downs (depends on how I see them haha but I would say that I feel quite tired often and I wish I could do more about my energy level) Overall, I feel very grateful.
Oh, that sounds soooooooooooo dreamy. I think I’d enjoy Halloween but I’m generally not a night person either. Like a themed sleepover Halloween party would be more my scene! And I do not watch horror hahaha What are you watching this Halloween?
I’m so HAPPY for you! Congratulations!!! Honestly, when I received your message two days ago I couldn’t wait to come back and congratulate you right away but I realized it would be better to reply to the message as a whole so I’m glad I’m able to do that now. That sounds like a story but I’m sure you have a more realistic perspective on it now as you said too. Anyway, my sincere wishes go to you throughout this special transition into motherhood.
Gladly! Upon reading that I thought of my favorite poem of all time; The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost and it just reminds me so much of my own experiences in life and my decisions. I don’t know how much you’re into astrology (or at all) but that poem itself has so much Saggitarian energy that I relate to.
That’s such a beautiful verse! I kinda see why you like it so much. There is so much wisdom behind it and so much motivation. Hence I love spending time with nature so much.
Thank you for the good wishes! I honestly might have had some developments on that the last couple of days (the ups and downs I mentioned) and I’m in this familiar but not so familiar spot. It’s still early days for me to take any decision but my intuition brought this person back into my life now and I think it is my intuition that’s gonna decide if I should let them around more or not. If anything, I could let them go now too.
That’s so beautiful to hear and it does give me hope myself. I’m really happy for you once again.
I know, right? I’m starting to think so myself because I literally was just thinking to myself that it was my wishful self who was rather impatient for things with this person to work out. In fact, how do you tell if someone is playing games or is just being themselves? In other words, I’ve nearly convinced myself that I have a crush on this friend -whom I never 100% considered as one- and I know that I’m not going to settle for less, but I have a hard time telling if them not telling me the things that I want to hear most from them is them being real and sincere about how they feel and about me (like being considerate enough to say it when it’s right) or are they “testing me for themselves to be sure” (which is a bit of a deal breaker to me anyway lol) or just playing games with me to get something? My intuition doesn’t tell me it’s the latter so it’s between the former two.
It’s a pleasure to hear them as always and I’m glad that you’re happy sharing them with me.
That seems fair. Honestly, that sounds like a tough one out of the two that you have shared so far because I can see there was effort on both parts. Moving in with this person couldn’t have been an easy decision for you (despite the motivation that you had) but it sounds like that was the right call for you then. I can see that you’ve been tested by life on several occasions too, and I cannot help but wonder if I have that much patience myself hahaha I mean, a single life isn’t all that bad until you start seeing everyone you know happy in their families right?
I really appreciate you saying that. And I’d love to share more of my thoughts with you. In fact, I was wondering if there is a way you’re comfortable with taking this to a “less” public level. I don’t know, it’s a big step for me too, to be honest, but hey, I’m open to hearing what you think about that.
Sending so much love and peace your way as always and once again, congratulations on the new member of the family!
Thank you for your response. I will be getting back to it at a later time.
Sorry for the quite belated reply. Life caught me up and there have been more ups and downs than usual in a week. But I’m glad to report that things seem to settle now.
Autumn is simply one of the most romantic seasons of the year. No wonder, it is the season of poetry and whimsical goodbyes! There is also something spooky about it. We don’t really have Halloween here but the movie industry doesn’t cease to remind me of that with the newest horror movies. On this note, I hope that October has been treating you well where you are, and I’d love to know what you’re excited about doing this season.
Speaking of which haha Honestly I’m excited about picking up writing poetry as a hobby this season and if I’m lucky I’ll learn a new one on the more indoors, cozy side. I’d also love to feel cozy this autumn, and maybe rekindle something beautiful that couldn’t have happened at a time and now it calls for it. And maybe because I tend to look ahead, I’m already thinking about my yearly reflection. So yeah, busy mind.
Too right. I’m a very straightforward person (although even for me it’s always easier to be THAT straightforward in my head than in real life) so mixed signals simply push me away. Like if I get the courage to be upfront about my feelings, at least I expect the other person to have the emotional intelligence to respond to that with some maturity and care. At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own feelings. Rejection in itself is not a mistake. It stings, but it is a right that we all have, and I think it’s another sad thing how it is so dramatized.
Of course. For me, a healthy relationship is one where I feel like there is a flow-y communication with the other person. I need to feel heard, seen and loved just the way I am. Also, an old friend asked me more or less the same question recently and I answered: ”It needs to feel real and compatible”.
I’m sorry you went through that. And I’m glad that you have taken that step for yourself. That’s self-love if anything and it takes a lot of courage.
If anything, I’m really grateful for your trust to share with me (though it’s a public forum) and I hope that you feel better after you do so. Thank you so much and I feel the same way! I’m glad to have finally landed back here haha
Sending you so much love!
Enjoy the spooky season!
I hope this message finds you well,
From the analysis that you have done, I can see that, as you’ve said before, you seem to feel comfortable about taking an intellectual take on subjects, which I think is okay and I acknowledge your efforts put into this reasoning. Yet, I don’t know what in what I said gave the impression that I don’t ”feel” the need for a relationship. To make that clearer, I feel and think that need. I have both an emotional and an intellectual perspective on the matter.
That being said, I agree with the idea that relationships are never trouble-free; Life as a single person in itself is full of ups and downs let alone in relationships. Hence, feel free to share more insights on the subject if you’d like. This is what this space is for.
On what happens with your friendships*
I’m sorry about your pain.
First and foremost, I relate to this concern a great deal too. I’m 23 years old and I’ve lost contact with many people I used to think were part of my everyday life too. I do not know how to respond in a comforting way to this concern as I’m also experiencing it. However, I can share with you my story of how I first experienced this feeling at a very young age and how I’ve learned how to deal with it better.
A disclaimer, before I do, is that, unlike what you have expressed in your situation, I don’t travel as often, if anything it is within the country.
I was around 10 years old when I met my 1st best friend. I didn’t have many friends at school and I’ve often felt very alone until the 4th grade. We clicked right away and at the time it was a great deal that she and my parents got along too, given we both were young. I can still remember the fun we used to have on our way back home, school started to seem less lonely and less of an intimidating place for me socially. At some point, however, I was starting to lose contact with her, though I cannot right now recollect a memory of that time, but eventually, we lost contact and she left without saying goodbye. It was only later in time when I passed by where she used to live that my mother told me that she left town. I remember feeling really sad about that, and it was less because of what drove her to (leave) and more because we never had a proper goodbye; After all, everyone is subject to circumstances they cannot control especially at such a young age.
Right now, I cannot tell you that I have mastered the art and/or science of letting friends go with no prior notice but I’ve learned how to honor my feelings better when it comes to that. Depending on the depth of the friendship, rather than sinking into the negativity of them ”disappearing”, I would journal or write a letter to them that I wouldn’t send. I naturally fell into doing the latter because I’m a bit of an old soul like that and it really feels like I’m talking to that person as if they were in front of me.
On this note, I hope that you feel better in regards to this concern and I’m cheering for your journey.
Please feel free to keep me updated on what happened with the friendships you mentioned or really anything that strikes you on this matter.
Thank you for your detailed reply. I will get back to you tomorrow at the latest.
That’s alright. I also take some time to reply, and I find this pace quite liberating. I think this is what makes forums the closest type of correspondence to pen-palling, and I mean that in a good way.
Thank you for the good wishes my friend. I hope this message finds you well.
Honestly, I can get that feeling and hopefully, you’ve found something to look forward to this winter. Personally, I love autumn but I struggle with the short daytime/early nighttime cycle T.T as I’m very active in the day and now that it’s shorter, it frustrates my productivity a little. On the bright side, autumn/winter makes wonderful vacation opportunities.
Anyway, I like what you said about getting in touch with emotions and the way you’ve linked that to boundaries. However, on a more down-to-earth level, I feel that the question of boundaries is clearer in some settings than others. Other settings (personal relationships) show it to be more of a process than anything; it’s only when an acquaintance crosses the boundary of being an acquaintance that one would ”put them back into place”. Please let me know if I should give another example if this one didn’t clarify the idea enough.
Yeah. I like to give that part of self-awareness more fun though otherwise, it ends up too rigid … That stage (filtering out dislikes and likes) feels like making a potion to me hahaha
Honestly a bit of both but I would say more about the other person playing both cards; sometimes they’re flirting and other times they’re being friendly and not settling on one. Proper toxic energy, I know. Well for me, that’s just more reason to spend a little more time in that filtering stage.
Unfortunately, I think there is today so much gap between the world of relationships and having sex, and people in the real world looking for real connections are struggling to fix it. Then, because we’re so done with that struggle, we find each other on a forum like this and we share our frustration. It sounds like a bittersweet story of friendship but it really is the reality today. And I feel that combo, I don’t know what I’m finding difficult right now, to be honest, but if I had to say approximately, it would be me finding interest in someone and us being on the same page on what makes a healthy relationship.
Of course, thank you for being so open about them by the way.
I had the biggest smile on my face when I read that story for the first and second time. It has all the elements of a mature and genuine connection. I’m happy for you. I think that is what most who want something genuine are looking for; no one would perish from not falling in love but may think they would without real connections.
Oh, I see! I’m glad that turned out well for you now.
My best wishes to you too,