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Parents and Living at home at 22

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  • #407163
    Tara
    Participant

    Hello everyone, its been a small while since I have written here though I think I seem to say that every time I make a new post.

    Let’s get right to it. As I have expressed in my previous posts I now live with my parents after moving out of a house with my now ex-boyfriend. Seemingly, this is the only choice I have at the moment, I live in a very expensive state and the amount of rental houses in my area/reliable roommates to find is slim to none. Thus here I am stuck at my parents house. I find myself dreading coming home everyday I am off of work or coming home from being out with friends. I am unsure what to do because I love my parents dearly but feel as if I am at a point in my life where I need my own space and privacy, I am 22 not to mention.

    My parents know every single move I make, and I cannot stand it anymore. They have my location on their phones, which I think is ridiculous as I am no longer a child, yet when I have went to turn it off or have a conversation about them no longer having it, it always turns into some huge deal. They say that they are just worried about me and would like to know where I am in case of emergency. Despite this explanation, they still demand to know every single move I make, who I’m with, where I am going, how long I’ll be gone, etc. I feel as if the location sharing is something of a comfort to them as it is, and I feel like a teenager again with them knowing my every move.

    This is where it get’s difficult, as I have written before, my mother tends to be very dissaproving of every single interaction I have with men. Wether this be casual, or in a relationship. Last post I made, I lied to my mother about having a casual relationship with a man, and this ended in dramatics. She ended up leaving for a whole week to go to her friend’s house, and then came back like seemingly nothing happened. I am wanting to go out and have relations with men, as I am young and in my 20s, but every single time I want to go out I feel the need to lie about what I am doing now. I also can’t go to places or to houses that they don’t recognize when viewing my location, because then they will blow up my phone asking who I am with etc.

    To clarify, I am not a deadbeat doing illicit activity or doing anything more than having fun and going out and living my life outside of their home, but this seems to be the problem to them. I am working 2 jobs, 40+ hours, and going to college part-time. Even the smallest things in my life I feel that I have no privacy in, my mother does not even knock before she walks into my room.

    I feel stuck and hopeless and like I will be living the life of a teenager until I find some miracle that will help me move out of their house. I am stuck between lying about where I am going and inevitably getting caught and yelled at, or being truthful about where I am going and still getting yelled at and reprimanded like a child. I am unsure what to do and can’t seem to find any escape from this place. Every time I leave the house its “where are you going?” Even if it’s just the smallest errand I have to go run. I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do. thanks for reading

    #407164
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Tara

    I’m very sorry to hear that you are still experiencing verbal abuse and coercive control from your parents.

    I would suggest that their behaviour is abnormal even for a teenager. I did not have my phone tracked, I was not verbally abused for attempting to date as a teenager.

    I would suggest seeking the aid of a local woman’s domestic violence organisation. These organisations provide support to women for a wide variety of circumstances including verbal abuse and coercive control. Support is usually provided for abuse from anyone you live with. Perhaps they would be able to assist you with planning to move out of your parents home?

    #407176
    pink24
    Participant

    Girl, I’ve been there! When I was 22 I was living at home and it was a horror show….

    Two words: MOVE OUT! (or at least have a plan to)

    I know you’re probably like, “rents are too high” or “saving money makes sense”  and the thing is, yes, saving money does make sense, so maybe if you can’t move out right now–MAKE. A. PLAN.  Tell yourself, 3 more months, and that’s it. Something like that. And realize that during those months, you’re just not going to have a life.  Or at least not the one you want just yet.

    Your parents will always see you as their little girl. Always. No matter what. I think to save your sanity and your relationship with your parents, you HAVE to have a plan to move out. Your mother sounds super dramatic (mine was the same way) so I’m not sure there’s much talking to sense to them. But you’re an adult now, and you can make your own choices as to what’s best for your life.

    This too shall pass, girl.  Promise! I lived at home for two whole years with literally like FBI parents before I moved out, and I lived to tell.  You will too!

    Good luck!

    Pink 🙂

    #407186
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tara:

    You described the very difficult living situation that we discussed a bit in your previous thread. I was wondering: is there a way for you to live away from your parents for low or no rent, as a house sitter perhaps, or staying in a house with an elderly/ handicapped person so to be there (at night time, let’s say) for the person in case of emergency?

    anita

     

    #407190
    Tara
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Anita, that would possibly be an option, but I have a dog, which I’m sure most places would not allow, especially living as a caregiver or such etc.</p>

    #407191
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Tara

    Domestic violence organizations can sometimes make arrangements to take animals with you.

    #407192
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tara:

    Maybe having a dog will make my suggestion not an option in regard to “most places”, but you need only one place. Lots of people love dogs: some of them are looking for a responsible person for one of the positions I mentioned.

    anita

    #407193
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tara:

    Maybe having a dog will make my suggestion not an option in regard to “most places”, but you need only one place. Lots of people love dogs: some of them are looking for a responsible person for one of the positions I mentioned.

    anita

    #407194
    anita
    Participant

    Double post, ignore one, consider the other, lol

    anita

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