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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • #229383

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thank you for your valuable advice. I may not still be the best of myself but pretty soon I will be. You have showed me the problem. Now It will be a lot easier to find the solution. My first priority is to grow confidence about myself and be friends with myself rather than being disgusted. We are all about thoughts and being able to know what is what. I tried the meditation you said. The very next time I contact you I will give you the best news of mine.. Thank you for helping me. This was a stage what no one could understand. Now It is something very understandable.. Thank you very much.

    Someone

    #229235

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Risha/Mitchelle/Bubba

    I may not be the right choice to give you advice or may not have the right words to console you. But as like a little sister of yours I REALLY WANT TO KICK THOSE GUYS. They have been so selfish, I can not even imagine. I wish I were with you guys now as i say really bad jokes, you would feel pitty for me and laugh at me for trying to be funny. The fact is I know or true to say don’t know what you are actually going through. Seek the help of the really nice people for advice and have some friends like me for a laugh. I wish you guys a happy life and I wish to see the lovely laugh of yours one day. I cannot see the laugh here of course but I will imagine it in my mind. Now I will shut up and good wishes to you 🙂

    #229187

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I have started keeping a journal of how I feel and started talking to myself through the journal. It is quite helpful. Now I can feel THE PRESENT little by little. Thanks to the blogs. Now as you asked me about my parent’s dependence , after I get married I will move to my husband’s house. We will be a joint family living with my husband’s parents and his brother’s family. I am willing to help my parents financially and also come to their house whenever i get time because they need me of course  as they are aging. I don’t think this as a burden rather think of this as a return of what they did to me when I was a child.  Besides my future in laws are amazing persons. They already treat me as their daughter in law and I have seen my mother in law’s behaviour with her older son’s wife. She treats her as if she were her daughter. I used to be so fascinated with this as they are a very very close family. My family is not like that,  As my parents share no romantic relationship. They obviously love us but in comparison with my boyfriend’s family we family members are not that much spiritually connected. Whatever It is, My boyfriend’s family is middle class just like us but there is a family status difference as his father did not work the same profile job my father did. So my father did not like the family at first. Now he has consented to the marriage considering my happiness. All these family status things worried me at first when I just started dating. but then I thought It doesn’t matter what our parents did. We have to make our own identity. He always had a dream of a certain career. When that was not working for him I was supportive because I thought everybody should follow his dream. But yes sometimes I thought of him pursuing a different career but did not tell him so because I did not want to be that woman who would pressurize his partner leave his dream while he is still capable of that. He at last got his dream job. Then one night when I had the negative thought first that I MAY NOT LOVE MY BOYFRIEND rather I still love my ex. It just came to my mind as I felt nervous whenever I saw him around and would avoid him to leave this awkward situation. I made a conclusion out of that. I tried to leave this thought as it disgusted me. The more I tried to leave this thought the more it was settled in my mind. I became devastated. I did not what to do. Then all the negative thoughts I had earlier about my boyfriend just banged me one after another and I was thinking to myself I have to leave him no matter what. I tried to make myself understand I am all hyped but then the inner voices in me started telling me I am a coward, I am living a lie. All those things we hear in a failed relationship I was just saying those things to myself whereas in real life we did not have any problem. Sometimes it was so unbearable I tried to break up with him several times. I thought maybe I don’t love him because I am not sure about our future. I mean everytime I have a different reason. I cried soooo much Anita. I had blank stares. I still get horrified thinking about those times. Everybody seems so sorted out in their life. I have a perfect young life. We have our future ahead. We have so many options. He is so affectionate to me both mentally and physically. Still I think the unnecessary thoughts rather than thinking the REAL things of life.. 🙁

    #229019

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Risha

    I just read your post. I don’t know exactly how to console you because you just cannot forget love that easily. But I think if you really move to some other place , it is going to be helpful. And please talk to people. We cannot talk to the OFFLINE friends of ours most of the time as they are busy and happy with their lives. But WE are here for you. The ONLINE friends. We will walk the path together and I pray all your pains go away very soon and you be the best of yourself. I pray your mind can learn from this and make you a very strong person and a happy one too.

    Best regards

    Someone

    #229015

    Someone
    Participant

    And an early sorry. I just read my post and It seems like I was running from one topic to another 😛 I am actually in a good mode . That’s why all the emos are flooding. thank you again

    #229013

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    you may think I am flattering you but true to say I really like you 🙂 .. I thought you would neglect me as a south asian girl of no western connection. Thank you first. Now the real talk! I have followed your procedure. I read the blog on mindfulness in this website. I read 4 articles and have already used those methods in my early life without even knowing. What I realised is I have anxiety issue from an early stage but I handled those. Now I am going to start a new life and I am not alone anymore. I am going to have a husband, have my in laws and of course my parents who are going to be emotionally dependent on me. So these things make things worse in the first hand. And to answer your question I really would like to get married and enjoy every day in my new life. I love children so much and I want to be a loving mother. I am going to meditate from now on. But I am a little worried about my boyfriend. I have already continuously told unpleasant things to him for the past four months like about his family status, their economic condition which would hurt a person instantly but he understood my situation that i was in a bad mental state and just logically pacified me. He just called sometimes ago and he sensed a tone of depression in my voice and asked me if something is wrong. I don’t want to bother him anymore with my these brain farts. These are completely my problems and I will make these go away. Do I need to burden him anymore. He has a job training coming up in 3 days.

    regards

    your well wisher someone

    #228965

    Someone
    Participant

    In case you read my post, my boyfriend knew about my past ‘ex’ thing right from the start and he actually don’t feel anything coz he thinks these things happen in life. But when he saw me hiding the news of his marriage he encountered me saying ‘do you still like him?’ it was his mad talk. He still didn’t have a job then. So he was frustrated and argued that I was drawn to see his wedding pictures because That guy has a job and He arens more. That definitely wasn’t the scenerio, I was just curious. But it banged my head so hard I couldn’t stop thinking like that.. would you suggest me any meditation so that i could connect my body and mind together and focus on the REAL things rather than these imaginary problems?

    #228963

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart. pardon my english though. you see i changed my username as its my real name, didn’t want to be addressed as that. i am much relieved after having a talk with you. you see where i am from people are generally married through an arranged marriage. but i wanted to have a love marriage because i always thought i should be married to someone i love and i should have a strong history with him. when we were dating his mother fell seriously sick, he halted his academic career for a year. Then after graduation has struggling with career. I was very supportive then because we all struggle to get to our esteemed places. I was actually having the BEST time of my life. We had many arguments but there is no doubt we both desire each other’s welfare.  Then one day I saw my SO CALLED ex getting married on facebook. I merely talked to him for 15 days most. then he stopped communication and i didn’t bother him either out of self respect. That’s a different story. Actually it was immaturity for both of us. Whatever, my boyfriend told me the news but i acted like i didn’t know know him getting married. Then after several days he found out that I actually knew and he was very mad at me. He told me I shouldn’t have acted like that. We could have a laugh over this matter as he is not really bothered with my past fling but why did I hide that? I convinced him saying I actually didn’t want to talk about that. The problem is after that incident.. I began to think I ma be still in love with that guy. This thought overwhelmed me so much that other negative thoughts generated from that. I was so out of control even though I had the biggest exam coming up whih is very essntial for my career, I couldn’t even concentrate on study whereas i am actually a good student. This is the previous story of what i told you earlier. There are all sort of negative thoughts like are we going to be happy after getting married as people here say love marriages don’t work out well or what is going to happen if I eran more than my husband wherein I am still giving interviews. As i feel attracted to every other guy am i going to be attracted to my son’s friends If I ever have a son.. when i am writing these they sound silly but when i think like these trust me .. I can’t talk easily with my boyfriend and all the time these thoughts occupy me. There is no good thought in my head.. I wouldn’t mind if you don’t read this LONG post. But i have seen you are enough senior to me and you have experience in life. It feels so good that I can talk to a person like this because my parents don’t have a clue what I am going through…

    #228917

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Sarah

    I am not that much of a good writer. It makes me feel really good to meet such a wonderful soul like you. To me God is the most beautiful thing, both mysterious and very open. Actually He is the only one to talk which in case make an opportunity for you to meet  someone who will put wisdom in you. So he may not be visible while helping us actually it is He who is helping us and yes putting us in distress too. My relationship with God is that I have been sent to earth to pray for him to follow what He has said and endure the pain and seek His help. When my time will run out I will simply go to Him to and be accountable for what  I did back in this world. We make things complicated about God. I believe He just wants us to love him love other people and try our best actually not try rather Have to do our best living a God led life. I don’t know if this helped you in any way but it was meeting you 🙂

     

    #228909

    Someone
    Participant

    Hello Anita

    Thank you for replying me. Actually I AM afraid. I am frightened at every other little thing. One moment I am thinking about the guy I just met, I kind of liked and not telling my boyfriend, the next moment it is the guy I dated for merely one month and the fact that he just got married to a more beautiful and more established girl than me. The fact is I don’t want to feel anything to any other guy, it disgusts me. I become mad at myself. I mean true to speaking my boyfriend is a really wonderful soul and he is wayy more attractive than these guys. But yet I don’t know why I am nervous around any other guy? I actually went through these things before I was In a relationship. I used to like every other guy I see. It was fun back then as I was single but now it’s a burden. I am obviously not a teenager anymore 🙁

     

    #228815

    Someone
    Participant

    Hello Micky.. I have gained Soo much strength after reading your post. I don’t know if you will see this but thank you really. Seeing so many happy people, even my boyfriend who can love unconditionally, I had a thought maybe I am just never meant to be happy. I am sick. But you gave me hope. Thank you

    #228811

    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Maria, it might seem a little weird. I am addressing you without any reason. But I really liked your answer and as I am in such a state I cannot talk about these things with my friends either as I feel it so embarrassing. Would you please give me some suggestions if you like? I am sorry in advance for my poor English as it’s not my first language. I have felt all the things as JAZ has felt. I have the relationship of four years and he is a very romantic guy. I mean he adorns me Soo much that once when I had high fever I looked like shit he still looked at me like I look like a princess. I always have a second thought whenever I am with him. Like he is talking and I am feeling like ‘ am I really enjoying this?’ but I really laughed at that topic, I really enjoyed it. Still I have the thoughts in my mind and my heart start beating so fast. I feel like I am cheating on him. Nowadays I have grown feelings for other guys. For no reason. I look at any random guy and I feel like I like them. I don’t want to have that thought but still it comes to my mind. It bothers me sooo much that even when I am enjoying a good time with my boyfriend I say to myself ‘ I am a coward. I can’t get away from him.’ or sometimes thinking ‘ I am acting so innocent whereas I just liked another guy other than him’ I don’t want to like other guys that way. I want to see them just as human beings not just a GUY. Why am I like this? I am a 25 year old woman , it’s my time to think of starting a family, think of my career. But I am acting like a teenager and can’t get out of these bullshit??

    #228209

    Someone
    Participant

    Jazz thank you Soo much for sharing this. I was literally crying while reading your post. I am going  through the exact same thing. I know how you must have felt while you are with the BEST MAN in the world who is loving you with everything but you can’t do the same. I pray God takes us out of these things, make our thinkings clear and fill us with the feeling of love. Not the honeymoon love but the everlasting love so that we can be together with these man in health and sickness and face life but still be in comfort in our mind. Amen

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)