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I love him but I'm suddenly not "in love"

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 90 total)
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  • #191791
    Lilo
    Participant

    I’m going through the exact same situation as Mickey and Jaz. And if y’all are still there, I just wanted to know how everything turned out in your relationship. I don’t know if I am overthinking this unsure feeling or if it’s really telling me that maybe I’m not meant to be with my boyfriend. Any input would be really helpful.

    #196727
    Micky
    Participant

    Dear Lilo,

    I and my boyfriend are really going well now. It has been 4 months since I had that experience. I am so glad that I made it through without losing the man I really love. Although I still experience that uncertain feeling from time to time (the last one was in the first week of January), I communicate with my boyfriend every time I experience it. I communicate with him the thoughts I have and we resolve it together. Also, I’ve always decided to choose to love whatever emotions I have at the moment which become a lot of help in our relationship.

    I hope my reply helps you. And please do not be too hard on yourself (because I did) and take your time to understand what you truly feel.

    #196729
    Micky
    Participant

    I still feel the uncertainty sometimes, but is not that intense anymore. I think I have learned how to detach myself from negative thoughts through accepting and acknowledging the thoughts/feelings and then detaching myself from it.

    Also, I always bear in mind that we cannot fall out of love accidentally. I believe that the love we feel for someone will not go away without our consent.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Micky.
    #196969
    Mark
    Participant

    Micky,

    To honor Jaz’s posting, please create another post for yourself and your question so we can address what is going on directly to you rather than hijacking Jaz’s posting.

    Mark

    #198705
    Charley
    Participant

    We’re not in an official relationship but we both like eachother, we hug and cuddle a lot. Friday I’m going to see her and thats when I planned to ask her out. But suddenly last I was laying in bed and I thought, wait, no, why? I just randomly lost that passion i had felt for her for for months. Being with her was special, her face glowed more than anyone else’s. But now suddenly it doesnt. But I have such a strong desire to love her, to feel that passion I felt. I thought we were perfect for eachother, but now I sit here and agonize over why I’m NOT loosing my mind just by looking at her.

    If this thread is still alive please help. Im in one of the darkest states I’ve ever been in and am contimplating suicide.

    #199481
    ackapiyi
    Participant

    I experience the same thing nowadays. It’s been 2 weeks since we got together but I feel tired of him, already. I started this with so much passion and love for him and I still want him to be happy. He’s so nice and worth everything. I don’t know what to do. I’ll leave it to time for now but I’m confused and I hate myself because of those thoughts.

    #205603
    Myr
    Participant

    Hello. I am going through the same experience as Jaz and Micky described. Micky,Jaz if you’re still there, please give more advice. It would be so helpful.

    #210953
    Alix
    Participant

    Hello everyone I’ve found this forum and it’s really given me comfort because I thought I was the only one and idk how active it still is but I really wanted to share my story and how I felt and what happened to me, so I’m young only 16 and I’ve been dating this amazing boy for a year and a half everything is great he recently started going to this school for away that he lived at but still in high school and he’d always come home once a month every time I’d be more than excited to see him. Everything was fine we did argue quite a bit but I feel like it’s kind of normal for teens and they were usually stupid and then we’d go back to loving each other like always. Recently something strange happened I think I have bad anxiety but I’m not sure when I took my drivers test the night before I couldn’t sleep I would throw up and shake because of how nervous I was and idk why. My dad did do some things nothing physical more emotional for me that I think could be playing out now in my relationship I went to a therapist once not much clarity for me. Recently he’s gotten a new girlfriend and he took me my boyfriend and his girlfriend to a trip to Disney. This was my third time kind of meeting her and she never really starts any conversations or anything, but I was extremely excited My boyfriend and I cuddled all the way down to Florida and were really happy and goofy played some games. And the next day went to Disney had funny got a little annoyed with each other at somet points but I assumed because it was hot and we were exhausted and I was hangry. Once we got back we made a poppincookin had lots and lots of fun. And he wanted to cuddle and I love cuddling but I just wasn’t in the mood idk why I just didn’t really want to be held. Next day went to Disney kind of same thing got a little annoyed but it was nothing crazy bad still had lots of fun. But I was being a little distant not wanting to cuddle too much and was a little moody and I didn’t think much of it until that night He wanted to cuddle and I was like no please get out of my bed I’m not in the mood and he was really upset. And I got in bed and then he got in his and asked me “Do you even care about me anymore?” And that’s when it all started. I didn’t know what to say I was like do I care? Why am I kind of being distant? Do I love him? And I was like yeah I do but I didn’t really know and idk why I could be so happy with him (mostly) for the trip and otw down to Disney and then feel like this. Then everything was quite for a bit and I just still felt like I needed to talk so we kind of talked and he got next to me and right when he got near me my heart was pounding fast not in a good way and I was shaking and my hands were tingly and I had a sudden urge to throw up and I immediately went to the bathroom and barfed. I felt calm and better once I threw up but we started talking again and I was telling him how sometimes I don’t want be held and Idk why and sometimes I love you more than others and I think that’s normal to want to put up with someone and then not want to sometimes? And we kept talking and I threw up two more times then I finally felt content and he was really supportive and I was like crying and saying how handsome I still think he is and I was able to kiss him and feel good about it and it calmed me and then I kissed his arm and I said ily and then we went to bed. But immediately when I woke up I was starving but had no appetite and my heart started racing and that was the day we were going home and I couldn’t get near him or touch him or anything so he packed for me and sat distant from me in the car and my dad texted and asked if everything was ok and i told him what happened while I’m the car on text and he told me not to overthink things and that just made me feel so much better and idk why and I wanted to play games with my boyfriend and we did and then we held hands and when we stopped for lunch I could hold his hand and felt happy and lay my legs in his lap and also I could eat and felt content. Then a couple hours later I started getting the feeling again and it was when we were dropping my dads girlfriend off idk if it has any correlation all I wanted to was talk to my mom. So I had to drive my boyfriend home and I was able to laugh at rings he said and he could but his hand on my thigh with out me getting those bad feelings again and I started crying because I was happy I wasn’t getting those terrible feelings we kissed once said ily and laughed a couple more times and he went home. Right when I got home I cried and told my mom everything and I wasn’t like wonder if I don’t love him anymore blah blah and I’m just suppressing the feelings and they’re all coming up and I was freaking out again and she was like I don’t think that’s it and then he called me and we talked a little a laughed a good bit and he just wanted to make sure I was ok and got home safe. Fast forward to next day I was alone and was in my own head and my heart just was beating and it was a terrible feeling and I was hungry couldn’t eat then my mom came home and everything subsided and at night I was snapping him and everything was ok and now it’s today. Feelings have been a lot better only a little bit of my heart beating and I used to be scared if I saw him I’d get those terrible feelings and now I’m not worried about that anymore I’m worried that if I see him and kiss him or if he holds me i won’t feel anything at all like no feelings of comfort or love. And that worries me the most because I stg I love everything about this boy and I know I’m young and what not but I can’t imagine this summer with out him it was just be so dull I feel like but I’m just not sure if I still love him I love him but idk if I’m in love if that makes sense and I don’t think it’s the case I’m thinking maybe it could be my dad tying into it kissing in front of me with his new girl friend maybe I have absolutley no clue and I’m worried I’m so confused and I’ve been praying I just don’t know if it’s all because I don’t love him or if I do but I feel like if I didn’t i would know and it wouldn’t be this hard to think about breaking it off and so emotional but idk I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone could give any insight Or if I could give any peace at mind because they arent the only ones I’m sorry for the novel and hope it mad some sense but please help! 🙁

    Alix

    #228209
    Someone
    Participant

    Jazz thank you Soo much for sharing this. I was literally crying while reading your post. I am going  through the exact same thing. I know how you must have felt while you are with the BEST MAN in the world who is loving you with everything but you can’t do the same. I pray God takes us out of these things, make our thinkings clear and fill us with the feeling of love. Not the honeymoon love but the everlasting love so that we can be together with these man in health and sickness and face life but still be in comfort in our mind. Amen

    #228709
    maria
    Participant

    Dear Jaz,

    I have been in the same situation before. Relationships can be sticky, especially those long distance. A real relationship requires trust, respect, and the ability to feel comfortable around one another. How boring would things be if you were constantly at that “honey moon stage”? If this is truly bugging you, you should try to spark up the relationship EVERY now and then. Make texting fun, crack jokes, go out for an adventure, and most importantly change your routine with your partner once in a while. It is easy to feel too comfortable to the point where attraction between the both of you does not exist. But just keep in mind, that a relationship should be more like a friendship. If this person makes you feel secured, happy, respected, and provides you with the things you look for in a partner, don’t let this person go. Don’t feel about about thinking this way. I’ve talked to some of the strongest couples out there and they have told me this same thing. Love doesn’t just happen. Its a choice we make. We choose to be with someone because they benefit us in a way (emotionally) and this usually requires experience to know the difference between long-term vs. short-term love. Short-term love is about adrenaline and that honey moon stage. If you constantly think this way, you will be disappointed with expectations you set for the relationship. If I were you, I would focus on the good qualities of your partner and turn every flaw into a beautiful attribute. Commit to talking things out calmly, and maybe you might bring this topic up and see how he feels about it.

    #228811
    Someone
    Participant

    Dear Maria, it might seem a little weird. I am addressing you without any reason. But I really liked your answer and as I am in such a state I cannot talk about these things with my friends either as I feel it so embarrassing. Would you please give me some suggestions if you like? I am sorry in advance for my poor English as it’s not my first language. I have felt all the things as JAZ has felt. I have the relationship of four years and he is a very romantic guy. I mean he adorns me Soo much that once when I had high fever I looked like shit he still looked at me like I look like a princess. I always have a second thought whenever I am with him. Like he is talking and I am feeling like ‘ am I really enjoying this?’ but I really laughed at that topic, I really enjoyed it. Still I have the thoughts in my mind and my heart start beating so fast. I feel like I am cheating on him. Nowadays I have grown feelings for other guys. For no reason. I look at any random guy and I feel like I like them. I don’t want to have that thought but still it comes to my mind. It bothers me sooo much that even when I am enjoying a good time with my boyfriend I say to myself ‘ I am a coward. I can’t get away from him.’ or sometimes thinking ‘ I am acting so innocent whereas I just liked another guy other than him’ I don’t want to like other guys that way. I want to see them just as human beings not just a GUY. Why am I like this? I am a 25 year old woman , it’s my time to think of starting a family, think of my career. But I am acting like a teenager and can’t get out of these bullshit??

    #228815
    Someone
    Participant

    Hello Micky.. I have gained Soo much strength after reading your post. I don’t know if you will see this but thank you really. Seeing so many happy people, even my boyfriend who can love unconditionally, I had a thought maybe I am just never meant to be happy. I am sick. But you gave me hope. Thank you

    #229055
    damba88
    Participant

    Micky can you tell us how things are going with you? i felt same stuff and found sam similar answers like you..

    #229065
    meggie
    Participant

    omg i am going through the exact same thing right now. i am 16 and my boyfriend is 17. we have been together for a year and a half now and suddenly one night all these questions came to my head. i would freak out, shake, cry, i could not get out of bed. i was physically ill from feeling this pain because i felt so guilty and wrong. i was scared to see my boyfriend because i was afraid the inlove feeling wouldnt come back, but they did. its mostly when im all alone at home these thoughts come and i go crazy but when i talk to him it all goes away. some things to tell you if i think they matter.. 1) i did have a hard life growing up especially with my parents physically fighting and verbally. they are divorced now and hate each other. 2) my boyfriend did cheat on me last year so im still trying to get over that, we are doing much better though. 3) my boyfriend has a computer addiction so its hard to get him to do things and get his attention. i love him so much and i want to seriously be with this man forever but sometimes when i think that i get so scared and all these crazy thoughts come to my head like ” do you love him”? is he the one for you? and sometimes when a guy comes around i get uncomfortable and think their a bit cute but thats it, but i feel so guilty for it. i never want to cheat on him because i dont love anyone else and i dont want anyone else period. its like the anxiety just wrecks everything and i can never be happy. when im at his house i get all better but when im alone i start to freak and feel i need to talk to him. my situation is very similar to mickey. if anyone can reply to this or help me, it would make me feel so much better. also i did see my boyfriend everyday in school for a year and in the summer and now i dont see him a lot so please say it can be with drawl symptoms from not being with him as much. also i told my boyfriend these feelings and he said dont worry babe i will be here no matter what and we will get through this together and it made me so happy but also scared, i actually felt that he really truly loved me, and it scared me. also i talked to my social worker about this and she thinks its because im coming to the realization that he might never come over his addiction and i might have to change something. but i REALLY DO NOT want to end. i love him so much and he gives me a feeling no one else can give. i crave him all the time. honestly if i really did not love him i wouldn’t of gotten back together after he cheated on me and after all his bullshit with his video game addiction lol. sorry i know this is a lot to take in but PLEASE give me advice or anything. i wanna help this relationship so much because i believe in him. he has such a wonderful side when he is off the computer and i know one day we will get to it. anyways i just wanna figure out what is happening to me 🙁

    #320759
    Buttercup
    Participant

    Hey! I am going through the same thing! i dont know if anyone is still here but i would really like some help and advice.

    This might be long…

    I had my first relationship when i was 19. I was going through the worst phase of my life and he helped me become better. I fell in love with him! Everything was great for the first 3 months and then my relationship turned a 180. He was so abusive and literally the worst person ever. I always had this feeling that he wasnt the one for me but you dont give up on someone you love right? plus, everyone has flaws, nobody is perfect. But i didn’t realize how horrible is was back then we were together for a year and a half and then he went to India to visit his family for a month and completely forgot about me. I would read my messages and not reply to them, he would not answer my calls or call me back. ( we used to have a lot of issues and fights because our thinking and morals were really different). During all that time away from each other I realized how much happier i was with out him in my life but i was unsure of those feelings. One day when he was still in India, he texted me and we got into a fight because he was ignoring me for all that time and a little later he told me he had impregnated a girl there and now he was going to become a father. I didnt believe it at first but he kept saying it and we didnt have a future anymore and then I snapped and started crying and begging him to forgive me for arguing with him. That was the moment he chose to reveal it to me that it was all a prank and right after that, i broke up with him (for obvious reasons).

    anywayyyy… flash forward 6 months, I met this amazing guy who has been nothing but kind, and gentle and so caring and loving and treats me so well. it has been 5 months since we met and 3 since we are dating. All this time it has been great! He made me feels things I never knew I could. But now, im so confused and scared. I know for a fact that I love this man but something is so off and i cant put my finger on it. I have never felt this way before. I dont know why im scared or from where these feelings are coming from. I feel like i dont love him anymore but i know i do! im a kind of person who is pretty clingy and shares everything with her partner but now i just dont want to do anything. we have a long distance relationship and we both are full time university students and are always busy but we make sure to make time for each other. I dont want to lose him or the feeling i have towards him. Im very uncertain if he loves me or care about me ( even though I know he does) … its like my brain knows it but my heart does not want to accept that he does. I keep thinking what if he turns out like my ex and he abuses me in the name of love and I just sit there loving him like an idiot. Im so scared that hes going to manipulate me and take everything about me for granted. I know these fears are irrational but i just dont know how to deal with them. And they keep coming back like I will be totally normal and okay and it just suddenly hits me like a huge rock and I just start remembering my past relationship and I just wanna go far away from my bf and everyone and everything. I dont know its just really hard to word it and explain how I feel but its just a horrible feeling and I just want to move past this and love him like the way I used to. Sometimes I even feel there are better girls out there for him and hes a good man and deserves to be happy so I should just let him go. But the thought of not waking upto his voice or not having him in my life just tears me apart. I would really like some help on how to deal with this.  Also, for others who are going through this, You are not alone!

    I really hope to get a reply soon. Thank you!

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