Home→Forums→Relationships→I love him but I'm suddenly not "in love"
- This topic has 171 replies, 38 voices, and was last updated 8 months ago by Anonymous.
March 13, 2020 at 4:24 pm #343180Aarushi GuptaParticipant
If anyone found a solution to this, please please please do share.
So many people are dealing with the same shit. We need a solution.March 28, 2020 at 10:42 am #345878PedroParticipant
Hello everyone. Sorry, for my English. Anybody around here yet? I’m going through the same. I will try to explain what you have been with me for a while. I’ve been dating for 4 years and everything was fine. Sometimes disagreements but nothing very serious and that a conversation does not resolve itself. But one day, we were talking and out of nowhere I felt that I didn’t love her anymore. Nothing at all. I didn’t care much at the time, but in the days that followed I felt enormous anguish, anxiety like never before. I feel that I still love her, I know that yes, love cannot disappear so I think. She and the woman of my life, I felt so happy, like never before and out of nowhere this happens. I was forced to tell him, I couldn’t take it. The sms did not seem to mean the same anymore. We took a break, she cried so much that I felt so bad and the culprit of it all happening. Who did it pass and see, how did things get? Please, I’m desperate about thisApril 5, 2020 at 11:07 am #347116NatalieParticipant
I do feel the same and I seek for help. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a boyfriend of 6 years, who adores me and respects me. He is the guy that I want to be with. However, last year I started to develop a feeling of confusion. I had a dilemma whether I still loved him.
I suffered for several months, we took many breaks(initiated by me) but none of them was of any change because I could not manage to stay longer than a week without him. By January, he was fed up with this rollercoaster relationship, when he could not predict whether I loved him or not and he initiated a break up. But he also found someone, with whom he did not get physical, just emotional relationship, where, as he tells me, he felt valued, appreciated and worthy after my so many rejections. When I realized that I was losing him, I was devastated, I cried and felt unspoken pain. I realized that I was losing him and that I loved him very much. After I expressed my love for him, he got back his love for me as well. So we got back together. I used to get jealous of that girl, but she explained 1000 times that it meant nothing for him and I kinda understand that he filled what was missing from me.
Everything was perfect, before I started to have the same thoughts and feelings that I don’t love him. I sometimes don’t want to be around him, I get this feeling when we are not together, but when we meet, things are different. I am feeling okay, but not the way I felt before my confusion started. Sometimes I have little crushes on complete strangers. I think of the things what I would do without him(travel, see the world, gave many friends). I perceive that by staying with him, I am losing my freedom and I want to be alone and have a crazy single life. Please help, I don’t want to lose him, but don’t want to sacrifice myself either. I don’t even know if the desire for being alone is real in me. After beeing single for a while, I am sure I will start looking for a man just like he is. Maybe there is a deeper problem? deep down I know I still love him, but how can I get back my feelings of in love?
i am reading anita’s replies, she has a very comprehensive approach to every person. I am so hopeful that she will find this comment.
thank you in advanceApril 5, 2020 at 11:07 am #347118NatalieParticipant
I would like elaborate my feelings: So when I don’t think about my relationship with my boyfriend, everything is fine. Something in my head reminds me to overthink my feelings and then the confusion starts again. It’s like I can not control my thoughts. After we got back in January, I have mot told him how I feel, because it will be very painful for him, he won’t want to stay with me because he says that If i don’t want to be with him, it’s ok, I can leave. He won’t understand that I am stuck somewhere in between of wanting to be with him and not wanting.
regarding losing freedom- i do feel free to do whatever I want, even though we are dating for 6 years, we don’t live together so I can have my alone time at my house. However I don’t know what type of freedom am I exactly looking for? To hook up with boys? To flirt freely? Is this what I want? He is my only partner in sex, I am more than satisfied sex-wise, so I am not looking for other options. However, I do think that we were very young when we got together( I was 16, he 17), I am also the first woman for him. Even though I was very young, I used to do a lot of crazy stuff before I met him. Like meeting lots of guys, kissing, flirting. Most of the times I crave those feelings and want them back. Maybe that’s why I want to be single. If be break up, I won’t be looking for a serious relationship for a long time. But then, when I will start looking for one, I know that I will start to look for him in every person I meet. So why do I have to break up? Can’t I get those crazy feelings of flirt and novelty with him?
because of these feelings I have described above, I get very weirdly negative emotions for my boyfriend. I am irritated and don’t want to see him. But as I have mentioned, when I’m with him, my emotions change towards good. But then a thought enters my mind like: do u really enjoy it? Do u love him as a person or a man? Then everything changes and I suffer.
i don’t know what to do. I am very confused, please help meApril 29, 2020 at 4:14 pm #352140
Anyone find a solution? What did everyone do ???? I would love to hear from MickeyApril 29, 2020 at 4:14 pm #352142
Hey!!!! What did you end up doing? Did you break up ? Or did it sort itself out..April 29, 2020 at 4:14 pm #352144
Somebody help. Even if its not advice what did all you girls doApril 29, 2020 at 4:15 pm #352158
iam so interested in your story because im going through the same thing, what did you end up doing and how did it work for youApril 29, 2020 at 4:15 pm #352162
anita i need help with this same issue.. take a moment to listen to my story,? i love your approach.April 30, 2020 at 8:30 am #352160
iam so interested in your story because im going through the same thing, what did you end up doing and how did it work for you??????April 30, 2020 at 12:23 pm #352304
anita ive been trying to contact you for two whole days, i seen the avice you gave to somone else and i love your approach please text me back. irs urgentApril 30, 2020 at 12:37 pm #352310AnonymousGuest
I just noticed that you posted here earlier this month. If you are reading this and would like me to reply to you, do let me know.
* Dear Lisa:
I replied to you yesterday in the new thread you posted. You are welcome to reply to me there.
anitaMay 3, 2020 at 9:58 am #352606AyeshaParticipant
I am facing a same problem as micky..
I would really appreciate your advice..
Plz help..May 11, 2020 at 1:00 pm #354464VivianParticipant
This thread has helped me in that I realize I am not alone. I really am enjoying Anita’s responses but everyone has been helpful. I am going through the same thing. I am 17, while I know this seems young, I am scared that the issues I am having will have an overspill later in life. This is something I wish to confront. After all, there is no point in breaking up with my boyfriend if it will just happen again. Basically, (I know it is super typical), but I have been hurt many times at a quite a young age (emotionally). My first boyfriend cheated on me and I also was in a friendship which was toxic for 7-8 years. I am not close to my parents but they are in no way abusive. Anyways, Since I never had a real relationship/friendship which was long lasting and healthy, I am feeling very anxious in my current relationship. Right when I thought all this stuff just was not working for me, I met my current boyfriend, I fell in love with him. We went slow and steady, we talk about EVERYTHING, there is zero judgement, he loves me for me and all my underlying issues from bad past experiences. He saved me. He is my everything, my best friend and the one I love. I felt madly in love with him and then about a month ago, in literally a split second, I thought “What if I don’t love him anymore”. It was so sudden. This reassures me, I think that if I truly was falling out of love w him, it would have been a gradual feeling, the love would have slowly faded. What also reassures me is that I have had this exact feeling in the same situation once before in a relationship, which ended for other reasons anyways. This is internal. I am finding that the second something gets comfortable, I get really anxious and think that I don’t love the person anymore. For days I cried and cried, barely ate or sleep. We are still together, and he is lovely. Whenever I get the feeling, I call him, and I feel better. I love him more than anything, he is truly the most wonderful, kind, funny, smart, helpful, caring, adorable human being I have ever met. So I am now finding that commitment seems to throw me off, I do not understand this. All I long for is a long, comfortable and stable relationship with him and only him. So why do I still have this feeling? It will not go away. I feel like the anxiety is pushing me to want to leave but I know I do not want that. He is perfect in my eyes and I want him in my life. I know I love him deep down. Maybe it is because of confinement, but I really do not think so. I sort of knew something was gonna happen on my part, everything was so perfect and when the honeymoon phase ended I freaked out. I am having a really hard time accepting this. I hope I will be able to work past this so I can be happy with him.
I hope this can help someone and I would really appreciate any advice 🙂
stay healthyMay 11, 2020 at 1:34 pm #354476AnonymousGuest
I just noticed your very short post, feel free to elaborate on your specific situation and I will be glad to reply to you further.
I think that it is mature of you, especially at 17, to want to confront an issue that you believe “will have an overspill later in life”, understanding that there is no point in breaking up with your boyfriend only for the issue to return later. What you are looking for then, is a long term solution to the problem vs a short term solution. Looking for a long term solution is mature, and I am quite impressed by you.
You described a wonderful relationship with your current boyfriend. But it exceeds wonderful: “He is my everything”, and that means that if you lose your Everything, you end up with Nothing.
“I felt madly in love with him”- madly in love makes a very engaging love story movie, sitting through a couple of hours of it and back to less exciting but more tolerable kind of living. But madly in love in .. normal living, that’s hard to tolerate. Madness (the noun of the adjective madly) is not easy to live with. In other words, madly anything has a time-limit because it is too distressing and exhausting to be madly anything.
No wonder then, that after falling madly in love with him, “in literally a split second”, you thought: “What if I don’t love him anymore”?- You had to stop the madness.
It’s a good thing that you stopped the madness, not a bad thing. Now what you are left with is a wonderful, sane relationship. Don’t chase the in-love-madness; enjoy the healthy-loving-relationship-sanity.
Do you think you can enjoy a healthy relationship with him minus the madness (and the anxiety over it not being madness)?